Welcome 2013!

Happy New Year! This new year has got to be better than the one that came before. According to the Mayan calendar, the world we knew ended on 12/21/2012. I believe it because of all we survived in 2012. Nothing could be more promising than the hope of a world filled with laughter, love and compromise between the U.S. Senate & House of Representatives.

Six Stops to Self-Sabotage

Stop Self-sabotaging.

The holiday season is a time to celebrate, no matter what forces try to prevent this from happening. Sometimes, the negative forces come from within us and cause us to sabotage our own happiness.  When this happens, we become our own worst enemy. But nurturing that enemy within requires hard work, and it starts with diminishing our own self-esteem, undermining our accomplishments, and feeding negative thoughts. When we turn against ourselves, we begin to feel unworthy of happiness, and if happiness comes our way, we slowly destroy it with acts of self-sabotage.

Acts of self-sabotage are often subconscious. Such acts include destructive behaviors that create incompetence; behaviors that destroy our good reputation; undermining our progress or accomplishments; discontinuing successful activities; overeating; failing important exams; being a no-show for important meetings or events; being late for interviews. There are many situations in which the fear of success creates more stress than the fear of failure, and in order to cope with success, diminished self-esteem causes us to sabotage or destroy any possibility for success.

Self-sabotage begins with diminished self-esteem, but self-esteem can be strengthened. Changing negative patterns of thought and behavior won’t happen overnight, but with genuine effort, we can change our thoughts from negative to positive. This begins with knowing, accepting and appreciating ourselves enough to accept the good things that come our way. Sabotaging our hard work and happiness is a choice, whether we realize it or not, and self-sabotage can be stopped.

There are six ways to stop self-sabotage:

1) Know yourself.

2) Accept yourself.

3) Express your emotions.

4) Celebrate yourself and your accomplishments.

5) Attach yourself to a spiritual belief greater than yourself.

6) Attach yourself to a larger social community.

1. Knowing ourselves allows us to understand the unique attributes that create who we are. Things like spiritual or religious beliefs, emotional strengths and weaknesses, fears and fantasies separate us from others. Self-knowledge includes knowing what triggers our defense mechanisms and what our defensive tendencies happen to be.

2. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Perfection is impossible, and the sooner we accept that we are imperfect the happier we will be. We all come with strengths and weaknesses which we can improve but some things about us will never change. This we need to accept. We can have role models who inspire us to be our best, but they are not us and we are not them. One thing for sure, we must learn to live with ourselves, changing what we can and accepting what we can't change.

3. “Silence is golden.” We have heard this a thousand times, but silence is detrimental to our health. Emotions are meant to be expressed at the right time and in an appropriate context or situation. If not, pent-up emotions have a way of coming out at the most inappropriate time. We must learn to express ourselves often but in the appropriate situation and without undermining others.

4. No community is valid until it learns to celebrate. Likewise, no person is whole until she or he learns to celebrate accomplishments and finds ways to show gratitude. Celebrations can be social like holidays or birthdays or they can be personal, like dinner at a special restaurant after passing an exam or receiving an award. The occasions for celebration are endless.

5. According to psychologist Carl Jung, most mental illness stems from being disconnected to a higher spiritual power.  A spiritual connection allows us to develop faith when things seem impossible. A spiritual connection allows us to accept what is happening and gain spiritual strength to overcome adversity in life.

6. No one is an island. We are social animals and we need to connect with a larger society. According to psychololgist, Abraham Maslow, humans are born with a hierarchy of needs which begin with our need for safety and include the need for social belonging and acceptance. When it comes to wants, we can choose to ignore them, but needs must be met. It is important for us to find kinship in groups that share our interests, goals, or other qualities. Being accepted by a group builds self-confidence and bolsters our self-esteem.

There are many ways to prevent self-sabotage, but they are probably contained in the six ways listed above. Like any new learning, practice makes perfect, but since nothing is perfect, it helps to know that changing anything takes time. Likewise, changing self-sabotaging habits will take time.
(c) M.D. Johnson (2012)

What happened in Newtown, CT is a reflection of what we have become.

To everything, there is a season and this seems to be our season for mourning--not that the world is coming to an end according to the Mayan calendar but because our lives are out of balance and the universal order of things insists on balance. Our life cycle is a balance of joy and pain, ebb and flow. In the end, life is balanced, despite horrific acts like what happened in Newtown, CT.

Our society is sadly out of balance--top 1%  versus the 47 percent; top companies robbing the rest of us blind; Congress more interested in reelection than the jobs they were hired to do; violence permeating our society (4 mass murders, not to mention the murders on the street or around drugs along with TV violence and violence played out by millions every day via video games)--need I say more?

Like the mass murders that came before, what happened in Newtown, CT is a reflection of what we have become. Our country is in a state of crisis, and yet, our society fails to acknowledge it and do something about it. How many families must grieve the loss of innocent victims before we say, enough is enough? Our karmic and ecologic footprints will soon lead us to an eve of destruction, not because of ancient calendars but because of our own wrong doing and lack of concern for the world in which we live. To everything, there is a season, and this is a very dark season for us. But it's not the end of the world. It can be a wake-up call to all of us.

Mass Murders in Newtown,CT made us stop and ask:

The mass murders in Newtown, CT made us stop to ask, “What’s happening to the world we once knew, when we all felt safe and people believed that it takes a village, and they lived according to the concept of neighbors helping neighbors?” Small towns or small town settings created within big city neighborhoods gave us a sense of community. This sense of community gave us feelings of identity and safety, and it gave us a sense of pride.

Small town communities were commonplace in historical rural towns and in neighborhoods within big cities. They assured our safety against outsiders. Today, many small places exist in areas adjacent to large cities, and they come with a high price tag. But sometimes, even a high price tag can’t assure safety. Likewise, sometimes the sense of community is presumed, often based on appearances, and we might find ourselves living next to strangers like the gunman in Newtown, CT.

I grew up in a city, not a small town, but it was a time when neighbors could be counted on to do everything from lending a cup of sugar to disciplining a child. It was a time when you knew better than to break the rules even if your parents weren’t home because they’d find out from the neighbors and you’d get two whippings, one for the dastardly deed and another for embarrassing your parents in public. Back then, the slogan was true: “If you see something, say something,” and neighbors always saw something to tell our parents about. There was no use hating them because they had your parents' approval to be surrogate parents, and when you grew up, you sat on their porch listening to them share what they knew about you and you told them how much you appreciate their watchful eyes and wagging tongues.

Our neighbor living across the street had eagle’s eyes. He would sit on the porch all day, just watching. We’d call him nosey, meddling, pervert or whatever, despite the fact that his wife joined him on the front porch after dinner dishes were washed and put away. Life was simple then. We didn’t have to worry about neighbors going berserk or strangers coming in to attack us. There were too many pairs of eyes keeping watch.We felt safe, protected by so many in the community. 

It took a village then and it takes a village now. We need to become more acquainted beyond generalities, and we need to know more about each other. But for now, only neighbors helping neighbors can get us through the tragedy and trauma caused by a wounded, self-absorbed murderer of so many innocent people in Newtown, Ct.

Knowing steps to CPR--an act of kindness & a responsibility.

The American Red Cross trains about 4 million people a year in CPR. Yet, only 30 percent of Americans are trained and certified in CPR. Four out of five cardiac arrests happen at home and 19 of 20 people who suffer cardiac arrest die. Usually, it’s a loved one. Ninety-five percent of people who suffer Sudden Cardiac Arrest outside of a hospital die. When we know CPR, we give someone a chance to live.

CPR training is different for children and adults. For each population, the techniques are specific. Since I was only trained in performing CPR on adults, this post reflects what I've learned. However, I will include a link to a video from you-tube. Reading the information below or watching the you-tube video is not a substitute for taking a training class and becoming certified in CPR. In a training class, there is an instructor to teach and guide you through the process of performing CPR. You get hands-on experience and opportunities to ask questions. You even get time to practice the chest compressions until you get the pressure right, with additional help from classmates. When I took the adult CPR course, they gave us a latex torso figure to practice on. During chest compressions, when the correct pressure was applied, the torso would beep.

In the past, performing CPR entailed chest compressions and also breathing for someone but today the technique is simplified and just as effective. According to research and a recent TV segment aired on America Now, there are important steps to performing CPR the right way. The old fashioned way worked, but this new technique proves to be at least as effective.  You can use the following information as a guide, but it is important to schedule a CPR adult training course which is usually 4 hours long, 8 hours if you include the children’s CPR training.

If you suspect someone has suffered Sudden Cardiac Arrest, based on my CPR training and the segment on America Now, the 3 steps to performing CPR on adults are as follows:

1. Call 911

2. Start CPR

3. Keep a steady rhythm going until help arrives.

A more detailed explanation is as follows:

• Call 911 or have someone else do so while you begin CPR.
• Ask the person if they’re alright.
• If no response, position the person on his/her back and start chest compressions.
• Put the heel of one hand in the middle of the chest and place the other hand over it.
• Press down using some of your body’s weight, not just the arms.
• Push down about 2 inches (Warning: Bones may break but they can be mended if the person lives).
• Pump continuously up to 600 times, stop to check, repeat. Repeat until Emergency responders arrive.
• Continue chest compressions, following the rhythm of the song, “Stayin’ Alive,” by the Beegees.
• Don’t give up and don’t stop. You are pumping air/breath/life into the individual and essentially breathing for them until help arrives.

CPR for children is different, so it is important to learn which techniques to use with children. The American Red Cross can provide information and training on the very latest techniques used for children as well as adults. However, the following you-tube video gives some information on CPR for children.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/QMnr727LjjY?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

If you memorize the rules for performing CPR, you might be able to save a life. However, if you take CPR training with the American Red Cross, (http://www.redcross.org ), you will definitely be prepared to save a life, if called upon.  Sometimes, survival depends on someone else, and it’s up to each of us to be prepared. There is no greater sense of helplessness than not knowing what to do in a life or death situation.

When faced with the challenge of saving a life, knowing CPR means we don’t have to be helpless observers. We can make a difference. It is not enough to memorize the rules. We all should enroll in free CPR classes or CPR training presented by the American Red Cross and become certified in CPR. Afterwards, we should practice until we feel comfortable with the techniques. The life we save could be that of a loved one. 

Emotions Must Be Expressed.

Express yourself.

Self-expression can be achieved in many ways. Ten easy ways to express emotions are:

1.       Talking and sharing

2.       Writing and reflecting

3.       Kvetching and complaining

4.       Singing and songwriting

5.       Listening to music

6.       Cooking and entertaining

7.       Drawing or painting

8.       Driving and admiring the landscape

9.       Dancing

10.     Shopping

People who stifle their feelings and emotions get stuffed up. People who get stuffed up, get stuck. If unable to connect with feelings, we can become disconnected from ourselves and others and suffer emotional disorders. When faced with traumatic circumstances, we can shut down completely or find ourselves unable to solve problems. Traumatic events like hurricane Katrina, 9/ll, or witnessing death and destruction can lead to PTSD and depression if we are unable to express feelings and emotions.

However we choose to express emotions, it’s important to remember that emotions must be expressed. Whether expressed willingly or involuntarily, emotions will rise to the surface causing us to “act out” or “act in.”  When we “act out,” unexpressed emotions can cause us to take dangerous risks. When emotions are kept in, we can develop physical illnesses. With so many ways to express emotions, we can stay connected to ourselves and others.

Laughter & Rum Cake: Shortest distance between people but don't eat & drive!

This recipe for Rum Cake looks delicious. It was shared by my sister during the holiday season and I couldn't stop laughing. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people,

 laughter is therapeutic with many of the same benefits as exercise,

 and laughter is contagious. Did I say that it lifts the spirit?

Enjoy the Rum Cake but don't eat and drive.

            BEST RUM CAKE EVER     

            (recipe donated by Von)

1 or 2 Quarts of Rum                                 Baking Powder

1 cup butter                                               1 tsp. soda

1 tsp. sugar                                                Lemon Juice                           

2 large eggs                                               Brown Sugar

1 cup dried fruit                                          Nuts

____________________________________________________________

Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality, Good, isn’t it?

Now, go ahead.  Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.

Check the rum again.  It must be just right.  To be sure the Rum is of the highest quality, pour 1 level cup of Rum into a glass.  Drink it as fast as you can.  Repeat.

With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one seaspoon of thugar and beat again.

Meanwhile, continue making sure the Rum is of the finest quality.  Cry another cup.  Open second quart if nethethary.

Add 2 large leggs, 2 cups fried druit, and beat until high, if druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriber.

Sample the Rum again., checking for toncistenity.

Next, sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it really doen’t matter.)

Sample Rum again.

Sift ½ pint of lemon juice.  Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts.  Add 1 babblespoon of brown thuger, or whatever color you can find. Wix mel.

Grease boven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees.  Now poor the whole mess into the boven and ake.

Check the Rum again, and bo to ged.

Happy Thanksgiving--go bananas!

Happy Thanksgiving! Go Bananas!

If there's one thing I love about Thanksgiving, it's knowing that everyone is in sync--eating, drinking, laughing or feeling lonely all together as one. Wherever we are, there's a place for us and there's someone doing exactly what we are doing on that day. Thanksgiving Day is that special day when we eat, drink, sleep, or cook too much but it's only one day, so it's okay to "go bananas!"

On Thanksgiving Day, we are never alone. If feeling alone, we can change our thinking and focus on the little things--even if it's one little thing--that we're grateful for. Thanksgiving Day is a time set aside to boost the economy while giving thanks. It's one more time during the year that we are forced to take time to show gratitude. The government loves it, retailers love it and family members love it. But whether with friends, family, traveling, or home alone, we all have a reason to celebrate Thanksgiving Day.

On Thanksgiving Day, I watch the MACYS Thanksgiving Day parade while preparing dinner. I usually bake desserts the day before, so all I have is the meats, veggies and bread/rolls  to worry about. Whether I have guests or dine alone, I try to bake a dish that I especially like (even if no one else does), and I also try a new recipe, something that will make others "go bananas."  After I finish cooking, I dress for dinner. Then I sit down and relax with a diet Pepsi or a glass of red wine. After a bit of TV or conversation, I serve dinner. I used to wash dinner afterwards, but now I hide them in the dishwasher until the end of the day.

Nowadays, I keep my table set--a table for two. If I'm alone, I feel that someone I love is sitting across from me and sharing my joy.  It's just my imagination, I know, but if I'm alone, I don't feel lonely when my table is set for two. Thanksgiving Day is no different. Of course, as I'm cooking,  I'll get a phone call or two and I'll make a few phone calls before the day is complete, just to wish someone Happy Thanksgiving, but whether I'm alone or with guests, Thanksgiving Day is spent focusing on what's happening at my address.
With the focus on family and friends, holidays can make us happy or sad, depending on our state of mind. When the holiday season comes around, people celebrate, so it would be nice to share it with others, but some of us don't have friends and family close by. That's when it helps to make a list of things to do.
There are at least ten (10) things to do on Thanksgiving Day.

• Pamper yourself.
• Find something special to be grateful for.
• Watch football on tv.
• Watch the MACYS Thanksgiving Day Parade.
• Phone family or friends.
• Bake something special.
• Stay safe.
• Know that it's okay to feel alone.
• Celebrate the magic of you.
• Offer a prayer of thanks to your higher power.

People enjoy many lifestyles, but holidays can make us question the way we live. Thanksgiving Day is for all of us because if we're living and able to laugh, we have something to be thankful for. If you're not feeling excited or if you feel saddened by this holiday, make a list of things to be thankful for or follow the one above. Whatever you do, celebrate and be grateful, and if the spirit moves you, "go bananas!"

Emotional Intelligence & Rudyard Kipling's, "If"

Excerpt from “If” (1895) – Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise…

Emotional intelligence is difficult to define because emotions are difficult to define, but it includes having such knowledge of self and others that you're able to respond appropriately to others from the standpoint of self-awareness and empathy every time.

Although the concept of emotional intelligence seems new, it is not new. It was taught by Norman Vincent Peale (The Power of Positive Thinking, 1952) and many others to teach social skills and appropriate behavior.  The key to emotional intelligence is being “appropriate” in responding to any situation at hand.

The poem, “If” by Rudyard Kipling, was my mother’s favorite poem. It is listed on her website: http://www.survivingaday.com. She taught us by example, quotations, old sayings, and poems.  It was only after I read the poem in terms of building emotional intelligence that I realized the additional power behind its message.

Emotional intelligence is a skill that we begin to develop in early childhood. Some people are provided with the tools for strong emotional strength as they grow up; others must work to achieve them after they become adults. But like any skill, emotional intelligence can be learned and developed. Principles of Emotional Intelligence are described differently but they generally consist of the following characteristics:

• Self awareness
• Self management
• Self-esteem
• Awareness of others
• Motivation and will power
• Empathy
• Assertiveness
• Appropriateness

Using words from Rudyard Kipling's poem, I'd like to share my thoughts based on the principles of emotional intelligence. You may discover additional meanings behind words in this poem, but that’s what makes it poetry:

“If you can keep your head” implies self-management.

“When all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you” implies self-esteem and empathy.

If you can “trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too, implies understanding of self and others—No one is perfect, so accept flaws and hold others accountable.

“If you can wait and not be tired by waiting” implies  will power, stamina and hopefulness.

“Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies” implies maintaining your integrity and behaving appropriately—how do you begin to unravel a lie without misrepresenting yourself?

“Or being hated don’t give way to hating,” suggests the importance of self-knowledge and respecting your beliefs and habits.  People may not like you for their personal reasons, but that doesn’t change how you respond to them. “An eye for an eye” only leads to more blindness and pain.

“Yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise…” suggests empathy, humility” and awareness of how others might perceive you, whether it reflects who you are or not.

Ways to build emotional intelligence can be found in most everything, including this poem. I remember reading it just for inspiration, not for the emotional strength-building it suggests. It’s a much longer poem but certainly worth the read. Google for the poem and for more information on the poem.
Until we meet again,
(c) M.D. Johnson (2012)

Veteran's Day: I don't know who I'm thanking.

Veteran’s Day: I don’t know who I’m thanking, my brother, Junior or my brother, Charles.

Once upon a time, I signed up for the U.S. Air Force but because of a few technicalities, I left their office without signing on the dotted line. In the after math, I’ve learned that the  U.S. military is not for the faint-hearted because one must be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.

We take our military for granted—coming to the rescue and keeping the peace in times of riots and political unrest, conducting search and rescue missions after natural disasters and acts of terror, bringing order to chaos no matter the circumstances, and fighting wars. We expect our military to weather the storms, and when the time comes, we graciously and shamelessly accept their ultimate sacrifice.

Our military families cannot be repaid—not with the G.I. Bill, veteran’s benefits or our individual thanks as we pass them by on our city streets. The best we can do is support them on Veteran’s Day because so many of our military personnel did not survive and although most remain alive, far too many also remain homeless, emotionally impaired, or unemployed.  On Monday, November 12, 2012, we observe Veteran’s Day. This is something veterans appreciate and something we can easily do.

For veterans, despite free meals on each birthday offered at many restaurants, Veterans Day is special. To make the simplest gestures of appreciation, participating restaurants make sure that veterans and their family members eat free: Golden Corral, Olive Garden, Applebees, Texas Roadhouse, On the Border, Famous Dave’s, and Red Robin restaurants. Veterans can also "google" to find other places that salute them and their families with a free meal. Veterans need to show the appropriate I.D.’s, so it’s important to call and ask what documents to bring. Besides this official National holiday in recognition of our military women and men, we can walk up to a uniformed soldier and say, “Thank you, for your service” or "Thank you, for serving our country."

On a personal note, my brother was killed while in the military and our family accepts there will be a permanent hole in our family tree. If I had known I’d have him for only 21 short years, I know I would have been more patient and more forgiving of his antics, and when he visited my apartment that night before he left for the very last time and was asked to leave because he was “past curfew,” I would have told my landlady to go straight to “you know where.” But “regret” is just a five-letter word, nothing more.

What I learned from my brother is that time is not always on our side, so we need to seize each precious moment and live it fully. If we love someone, we need to let them know, and if we need to forgive, we must do it now. As my mother, Ms. Essie always used to say, “Tomorrow is not promised.” So many families of veterans understand the magnitude of this short statement, but do we “civilians” really get it? I think we need to “get it” and learn to appreciate the little things in life, especially our veterans.

On Veteran’s Day, 2012, we can celebrate and salute our veterans. Our veterans cannot be thanked enough but we can try.  I wish all of our veterans a Happy Veteran’s Day, and that includes my brother Charles who lives to talk about his life in the military.  My brother, Junior, did not but his memory will never fade. I have fond memories of Junior, but I cannot wait to tell my brother Charles, “Thank you, for serving our country.” Happy Veteran’s Day to all who serve our country!

Mother Nature doesn't always have the last say!

Hurricane #Sandy is Mother Nature’s attempt to balance the natural universe, but its destruction is something we could never expect. The northeast has been able to withstand tornadoes, hurricanes, nor’easters, floods, fires and events of devastating consequences, but it’s still hard to believe this. When we see images of the NYC subway system flooded out, entire neighborhoods burning to the ground, hospitals being evacuated via the stairwell or hear of children swept from their mother’s arms and left to drown, we wonder what we ever did wrong.

Change is inevitable, this we know. Existence has always depended on ebb and flow, and the only thing we can ever expect or hope for is change. But some types of change can lead to further change. Without realizing the effects of modern progress, we have transformed our environment through oil-drilling, coal mining, over-fishing, “fracking,” and more. Whether these practices are good or bad is not the question. The question is, how will the natural environment restore itself? Mother Nature has sent a message that we are in the process of change, and in balancing her world, she has devastated ours.

There is little to be done with Mother Nature, but this is the time for us to support one another, and be wary of signs of stress in others and in ourselves. #Hurricane #Sandy was a traumatic event for most who suffered through it, especially those who lost everything or witnessed its devastation up close and personal. Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder is a natural result of such traumatic events, and PTSD can lead to depression or even suicide. We are "a village" and we need each other at a time like this.

Emotional effects of trauma are often invisible, so if someone experienced its effects, they'll need to express their emotions. If you sense a change in someone you know, ask the right questions. Know the symptoms of PTSD and depression and be aware. “If you see something, say something,” and whenever you can, do something. Our history depends of us hanging in there, one nation indivisible. It took “a village” yesterday, and it takes a village today. Sometimes, the help we offer can be a matter of life or death.

People are without electricity and many are homeless. If you want to help victims of #Sandy, you can find ways to do so in your local community. You can also donate to the American Red Cross, The Salvation Army, and a hunger relief charity (recommended on NBC TODAY), Feeding America. How well we recover from this disaster is up to us. Then we can focus on strengthening our infrastructure or preparing for future storms.

Life is change and Mother Nature doesn’t always have the last say. We can protect ourselves against lasting damage by supporting one another and rebuilding our communities. This includes protecting against the long-range effects of emotional trauma. We need strong communities in every sense of the word.

Thanks! The October 2012 Writing is Therapeutic Contest is now closed.

Thank you for your thoughts and responses via email and Twitter. The Writing is Therapeutic Contest, October 1-25, 2012, is now closed. Some of you had trouble accessing this site but the problem is corrected. Please try again next time. Because of this problem and in fairness to all writers, no winners were determined. Pleased stay turned for the next Writing is Therapeutic Contest TBA.
Emme

Friendship happens over time but when it happens, it's hard to destroy.

For many of us, it's hard to depend on others because on some level, we fear they might let us down. This is negative thinking that stops us from fulfilling a basic need--the need for love and validation from family and friends. With family, we take what we get and make the most of it. But friends are different. Friends give us love and they validate us on some level. Friends don't hate, don't judge or condemn, and don't give up on us. Friendship happens over time, but when it happens, it's hard to destroy.  If trouble comes between friends, it's worth working on and working out.  Some of us need friendship more than others and some of us need a variety of friends, which is why friendship can exist on many levels, but we all need to know there is someone who thinks of us, cares what happens to us, and believes in us. If you think about it, friendship makes our world a nicer place in which to live. The article that follows caught my attention for so many reasons. I hope you like it, too.


Article: The Promise of Friendship | The Responsibility Project by Liberty Mutual

When you think it can't be done, find a mentor.

Sometimes, it takes more than courage to accomplish a goal because achievement often depends on the help of others. In this case, it’s important to find a mentor or someone who knows more than you do about the subject matter, but also one who has accomplished enough to want to help you become the best you can be. Such people are rare, so it takes determination, research and effort to find them and to get their help.

The other day, my sister sat down with the Mayor of her town because the Mayor knew and liked her fantastic son. My sister was excited about meeting the Mayor because they shared a common interest. At the present time, my sister doesn’t need a thing, but just in case, she might have a friend on her side or someone she can call on if need be. It’s nice to know someone who can help.

The trick to finding help when you need it is not only in knowing who can help but also knowing what you have to offer, even if it’s a hobby, friendship or being a good listener. Whether we know it or not, most everyone has something of value to share—even if it’s just information on how to change a flat tire. It's important to come into any relationship believing that you have value.

Sometimes, you really might have little to offer at this time, but even if you accept this as your personal truth, you can still offer assistance in whatever way you can. People are happy to know you’re willing to reciprocate and offer an even exchange now or in the future to them or to someone else. When you are able to reciprocate in some small way, they also trust that their help will be appreciated and utilized. What you have to offer might require some extra thought before you approach a possible mentor. Sometimes, all someone else needs is friendship, a good listener, or someone who understands. Later on, they might be able to use a volunteer for some reason. 

If you ask, a mentor will probably not charge for any services, so it’s always good to know what you offer, no matter how insignificant it might seem. Knowing your strengths will offset your feelings of weaknesses. Knowing exactly what you want and how a mentor can be utilized is also important. That way, the task doesn’t seem so complex or time-consuming, which makes it easier for them to say, “Yes, of course.”

So when the going gets tough, don’t be afraid to reach out and touch. Know yourself, know your assets and determine your needs.  Then reach out and ask for help with confidence that the answer will be yes because believe it or not, you're a good investment. If at first you don't succeed, be thankful that someone took the time to listen and consider your request. Every time you tell your story to a possible mentor, you build confidence, and eventually, the answer will be, “Yes!” So go for it. When you think it can't be done, find a mentor.

When it's okay to spread gossip....

I try to not spread gossip about others. Of course, I might gossip a little, but not when it means betraying someone's trust.  When I manage to spread gossip, I might talk about a situation, but I'll never talk about a specific person because each individual is special but their situation is not. Psychologist, Carl Jung, determined that we're all joined across cultures, race, and religion by what he termed a "collective unconscious," and our experiences are similar. So "if you see something, say something."
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When I share, it's with the intention that somebody, somewhere, needs to know that they are not alone in the things they experience. Someone, somewhere is facing the same trauma or facing a similar dilemma. Sometimes, people just need to know that others face a situation similar to theirs. For example, I was watching Dr. Phil today and trying to understand this horrendous story about a girl abused by her father from age six to age seventeen. After extreme abuses of all kinds, she was a drug addict but she still loved her father despite finally reporting him and helping to send him to prison. Although he was in prison, she still wanted him to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. The girl's mother guessed that her daughter would live with her father if given the chance. The girl felt that her father victimized her and allowed others to do so, but he protected her as well. The girls was confused about her feelings. ********************************************************************************************************************
Dr. Phil, of course, brought in the experts and offered some help from Hannah's House, a place of refuge and psychological repair http://www.hannahshouse.org. He also explained that the girl's psychological development had been arrested at an early age and her problem-solving skills had been compromised by the drug abuse, the physical abuse and psychological devastation. I rarely watch Dr. Phil because when I do, I end up watching other programs, but I'm glad I watched today. Dr. Phil wanted to share this story because he said there are others who experience the same (which is hard to believe because the mother had no idea it was happening even with other children in the home & noone informed her!) No one said.
********************************************************************************************************************
I try to say something as polite as I can, and I try to not gossip, but when I do, it's a share! http://www.drphil.com.

5 Questions On Connecting to Our Animal Instincts

If you had to be part of the animal world, which animal world would you choose to be part of? We all have characteristics that are both human and animalistic and in recognizing who we are and accepting ourselves, we also accept the underlying characteristics that define us as individuals and human animals.

We humans think we are superior to lesser species, such as animals, because our brains are larger or because we have the power of memory, recollection, sympathy and remorse. We think this makes us superior to animals but animals might just be the most powerful ones.  Animals seem to have no regrets or guilty feelings to hold them back, so they are not saddled with feelings that undermine their self-esteem and lead to feelings of failure. Can you imagine how life would be without these psychological burdens?

Actually, I envy animals. Animals seek members of their own group—they don’t try to get in where they don’t fit in for the sake of prestige or blind ambition. They don’t seek relationships with birds or other sub-species that might be hostile to their kind.  Animals look for kindred spirits as if to remind us, “Birds of a feather stick together.” Birds of a feather simply means, stick with people that you have something in common with. Animals do this naturally.

Animals know themselves and what they like, eat what nourishes them, and don’t overeat to the point of lethargy or illness. Also, animals never think about failure.  They only envision success. Each day, they begin with one goal—food. Each day they fulfill basic needs and if they happen to fail, they don’t look back or complain.  Animals follow a proven routine passed down from generations without questioning. Each strategic move is based on proven strategies that have worked through the generations. If they fail, it’s not because they didn’t have a plan. They graciously accept failure or success of their present circumstances. If they don’t make a catch today, they leave the scene and go home.  The next day, they start all over again with hopes that they will succeed.

We all have an animal counterpart, at least I think we do. We need to find an animal that inspires us, and follow its routine when it comes to identifying and meeting our basic needs.  Because we do have more emotions, we will be faced with more psychological challenges during the course of a day, but following our animal instincts will help us meet our basic needs such as, food, shelter, safety, intimacy and togetherness.

Some of us prefer to travel solo, like a leopard. Others prefer a group, like lions or wolves. Once we identify our animal counterpart, it will help with finding our comfort zone and accepting who we are, identifying our limits, beliefs and boundaries, and accepting our preferences when it comes to interacting with others.

If we want to be successful, we need to follow our animal instincts that tell us who we are. “Know thyself” is almost a cliché’, but it is always relevant. Once we find our animal instinct, we are able to build upon it and nurture it.  Self-knowledge is the key to understanding others, and understanding others is the key to success. Animals do it and so can we.

Start with this list of questions for self-awareness and build on it:

1.       Start with self-knowledge—what animal personality are you?

2.   What are your predominant traits?

3.   What are you needs?

4.  How will you fulfill your needs day to day?

5.   What is your philosophy of love, life, or happiness?

WRITING IS THERAPEUTIC CONTEST, OCTOBER 1-25

Writing is therapeutic, but it can also be a challenge. To encourage your writing, I'm hoping you'll join me in writing a comparison/analolgy. Feel free to try your hand just for fun or to submit it to our contest. If you want your writing posted, I'll clean up the grammar, so don't worry about writing perfect English. If you become a finalist, you qualify to win a prize (to be determined). If you want to go public, we can talk about it or you can let me know.

Try your hand and become a finalist in the first “WRITING IS THERAPEUTIC CONTEST” sponsored by www.survivingaday.blogspot.com. Post your comparison of 150 words or less and you might qualify to win. Remember, the purpose of the contest is to encourage any kind of writing, but I just chose comparison. Next time will be something else.
NOTE: Writing will be based on what you say, not your grammar. If you would like it published as a guest blog post, just let me know. Otherwise, it will not be posted, even if you win. Submit your comparison October 1-25. One winner will be announced October 31st. You will be contacted regarding your prize.

 Introduction:

Writing Comparison and Analogy is fun! It takes you out of what’s familiar into something that’s quirky, kinky or obscure, and causes you to think “outside the box” (to use a cliché). In my lifetime, I’ve written a lot of things, but nothing as creative as comparing two things that seem to be totally different. When the comparison is extended from a paragraph to 1-2 pages, it can be challenging because you’ve got to stay organized. For comparison, it helps to start with an outline or list of points.

Comparison is the process of showing how two things are alike or similar, despite differences.
The key to writing a comparison is to focus only on similarities. Let’s say I was asked to compare life to something else. I’ve heard this and so have you: “Life is like a box of chocolates.” But that’s Forrest Gump, not me.

If I had to compare life with something, I’d say: “Life is one-way street.” I don’t know how just yet, so I list two or three ways that life reminds me of a one-way street:

1. Once you get on it you can’t turn back.
2. It has twists and turns.
3. You need to follow the rules.

 After I look at the ways life is similar to a one-way street, I start with the comparison which becomes my main point and then I provide details to prove my point. Here’s how I start my writing:
                     
Life is like a one way street. The trick is to keep going, despite traffic, breakdowns, or obstacles. When the road seems long and hard, we can stop along the way, do some shopping or sight-seeing, gas up, and make repairs, but no matter how badly we want to turn back, we can’t. In life, stuff happens that cause emotional setbacks. We suffer trauma, emotional challenges, embarrassment, even emotional break-downs, but after all is said and done, there’s no turning back and no escaping back into the womb. We simply have to find a way to keep going, no matter how tired we get and no matter how embarrassed we feel. Some people try to turn back the hands of time when things become too overwhelming, but the results are never good. They either get stuck and have an emotional breakdown or they manage to injure or kill themselves.


 Also like a one-way street, life has twists and turns that we need to anticipate. We also need to be aware of how others are driving, what signals they give or if they’re having problems or show other signs of distress. If we’re speeding too fast at the wrong time, we can make a wrong turn or miss our turn. We can also miss signs of danger or distress that can come from other drivers. If we’re going too slow, we can cause others to become impatient and try to pass us or even worse, force us off the road. We need to see a one-way street as a community of drivers who follow rules and support each other when it comes to being safe. Drivers on the road show respect for each other by allowing the right-of-way, signaling, and being courteous. In life, it’s no different. We need to take time to stop, look and listen to others who try to express what they feel. We need to have empathy and not be too caught up in our own goals and objectives to help someone else or at least understand their perspective. We need to keep pace with others and follow what’s happening within our groups, whether at work, at worship, or at play. If we seem incompetent, we will be challenged, undermined or even fired from a job. If we have poor problem-solving skills, there will be miscommunication. We need to be prepared for whatever comes our way in life, and when certain things happen, we need to be able to anticipate how others will react and try to keep things flowing smoothly so everyone feels supported and respected.


Finally, on a one-way street, we need to follow the rules. There street signs posted along one-way streets and highways and in order to stay safe, we need to follow rules. No texting while driving, lights on at dusk, no lights continually blinking, no distractions and nothing that endangers other drivers. Working as a unit to observe the laws and rules, everyone on the one-way street remains safe. In life, there are also rules. There are rules of conduct for every social situation we might encounter, and when the rules are observed, no one is offended or surprised. People take turns when talking, they stay in line, they try to do whatever they can to help each other along the way. When people follow the rules, everyone is happy to be in a safe, supportive environment.

A story About Depression

A STORY ABOUT DEPRESSION******************************************************** With depression, negativity is normal. I remember thinking: “You’ve got to stop thinking so negatively or something terrible is going to happen to your health. Something did; I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes after 13 years on the job. I wasn’t overweight and was considered very healthy, but after that diagnosis, I thought my life was over. ****** After realizing I was feeling depressed, I sought counseling in order to get help with my feelings of hopelessness. Instead of receiving counseling to help with negative patterns of thought, the counselor began to focus on the problems related to my personal relationship which had been wonderful just a year ago, but a year ago I hadn't been so negative. ****** At the counselor’s office, I didn’t feel uncomfortable until he became more fascinated with details of my personal life than with my constant negative thinking about the diabetes and life in general. During the second visit, I realized any real help from this doctor was impossible. Yet, I visited his office once more just to make sure, just like I always did in every bad relationship that had been only partly my fault yet for which I accepted total responsibility. ****** I felt myself justifying why this doctor should be allowed to experiment on me, ignoring my negative feelings, physical exhaustion, and sadness. Finally, half-way to my third office visit, I made a decision to stop. I turned the car around and drove home. I had a fatal flaw of nurturing people who didn’t nurture me in return. Maintaining a professional relationship with this doctor was consistent with my usual pattern of negativity, allowing people to neglect me, ignore me, and not reciprocate in the relationship. ****** This doctor was neglectful, condescending, and dismissive and I needed to stand up for myself. There was no reason to continue with his services except, I didn’t want him to dislike me. I never tried to see a counselor again because I didn't know the symptoms of depression. Incessant negative thinking is not normal. Besides, the doctor wasn't even likeable, maybe to his wife but not to me. Besides, there will always be people who won't like me and I won't like them. Will it be the end of life as I know it? I think not. ******

Clutter doesn't have to wear you down & out.

If clutter's got you down, here are some excellent suggestions. The following list of things that keep you uncluttered was found at the website: http://www.shakeoffthegrind.com written by Tim, from Manchester.
1. Put important things like keys and cell phones in the Same Place Every Day.
2. Hang everything up according to some organized scheme--season, colors, occasion, etc.
3. Create a special place fore EVERYTHING and keep everything in its place.
4. Clean out your inbox and label stuff according to file/discard/action/follow-up/recycle/shred or similar.
5. Make organization of your workplace a priority.
6. Have a miscellaneous file for things that you want to keep for no apparent reason.
7. Open all mail over the recycle bin
8. Create a file specifically for papers that need to be shredded.
9. Take electronics or other non-biodegradable items to government recycling facilities.
10. Keep a clean car in case you have to transport someone important.

Uncluttering and organizing your life takes a little motivation and a little planning. If you have a hard time throwing away things you don’t need, you might have a problem with clutter now or in the future. Learn to prioritize what you need and be willing to let go of the things you never use. An uncluttered workplace frees your mind for completing other tasks. Also, your life will be much less hectic if you do.

9/ll-- a time for prayer and celebration

Today is 9/11/2012, eleven years later and the skies where I live are just as clear and beautiful. As I look overhead, I simply want to pray.

What's to pray for? Our survivors among first responders and those who did not survive. Our families of victims who did and did not survive. So many others who suffer the effects of such an assault on our American landscape.

What's to celebrate? Our victims who managed to escape the wreckage but suffer emotional trauma, and our families of victims not only at the World Trade Center but in every American city which has endured tragedy--floods, fires, hurricanes, mass murders, domestic terrorism, violence behind closed doors and on city streets, and yes, even more.

We're all in this together, united by tragedy but held together by resilence and American Pride. Yet, many are still struggling to overcome the effects of our trauma. More than we realize, first responders need special attention because many still suffer post 9/11 ailments, PTSD and depression, and due to the heroic nature of their jobs, they often have no one to turn to, nowhere go in order to express their emotions. They need to be celebrated and they need our prayers.

Today and every day, it's important to acknowledge the little things and the people who help us survive one day at a time. Our emergency responders do this every single day. To acknowledge our silent heroes, visit this website: http://ufanyc.org/tribute. If you'd like to sample my personal tribute to American Pride, you can follow my link on twitter at @survivingaday.

Look Up America, Look Up New York - Post 911 tribute

Look Up America, Look up New York - Post 911 tribute

Surviving a day is how we really live, no matter how far in advance we plan. Every day comes with its own challenges and rewards, and we accomplish goals one day at a time. Each day we live, we are offered choices, opportunities, and chances to start all over again. Sometimes we succeed in making it a good day and sometimes we fail, but we know that tomorrow will be better or at least, we hope so. But sometimes tomorrow never comes, like it didn't for so many on 911, which is why it is important to live our best life today. This includes trying to celebrate the little things, any little thing that makes us smile, or any one who cares for us.

Events like 911 come unexpected, but although 911 is the most blatant and unforgiving type of tragedy, tragedy has been experienced in cities and towns all over our nation in so many ways. Floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, fires, massacres, acts of terror and other traumatic events affect our level of happiness, but if we overcome obstacles one day at a time, we can slowly learn to overcome trauma and mastermind our own happiness, no matter the circumstances.

The great thing is, we don't need to find happiness for a lifetime, only for one day. But surviving a day is sometimes the most difficult thing we can do because it consists of finding a reason to survive 24 hours, despite feelings of hopelessness. Finding willpower enough to make it through 24 hours can be seen as an heroic act, and any act of heroism is cause for celebration. Celebrating or acknowledging our acts of heroism increases our ability to live a happy life.

After 911, after hurricane Katrina, after floods in the midwest and fires in the west, lives were transformed forever. I thought I lost my daughter on 911 but she had felt ill and didn't go to work. I was relieved, but I suffered PTSD. To help overcome feelings of anxiety and stress, I wrote poetry and short stories, knowing that writing is therapeutic. I also wrote a song/tribute to celebrate the pride of our country. You can sample or download, "Look Up America! Look Up New York!" at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/mdjohnson1. 
(c) M.D. Johnson (2012)

Lesson from Prince Harry: Don't Quit.

Here's to the beginning of fall, a real turning point in terms of what we'll be faced with in the coming few months. I hope your weekend was great. Labor Day weekend this year was pretty nice all over, despite flood waters in Louisiana, a few tropical depressions in the Atlantic and forest fires started by human error. But overall, even the national news was positive.

It was nice to see how Britain's Prince Harry reintroduced himself to society after his Las Vegas adventures. As he greeted children representing his charity , he flashed a wry grin. He is so much his mother's son--I'm totally smitten by him. I can't imagine standing before a child even as my naked photos were splashed across media outlets all around the globe. But I learned something positive from his courage. What I learned from his sense of composure is, If someone with a pristine reputation such as his can be so betrayed, exposed, violated, and yet stand before the world and give a smile, I can find courage to keep going when everything seems impossible and the going seems to last forever. I can find the courage to tell myself, "Don't quit."

Life is challenging,for sure, but "it takes the bitter and the sweet to make a life complete" or so my mother, Ms. Essie, used to say. Christian and Buddhist doctrines teach us to accept the good and the bad as equally powerful and equally significant when it comes to accomplishing our goals and living a positive life. Our "good" experiences offer us encouragement while our "bad" outcomes offer opportunities for improvement, growth and correction. Nothing is perfect, so we need to accept that everything is bittersweet, like a box of chocolates, and if we keep at it, we'll get the one you want.

Buddhist teachings also explain that most suffering comes when we try to hold on to things that were meant to be temporary in our lives. When we hold on instead of letting go, we become fixated, overly challenged, and frustrated. We fail to appreciate the fact that life is duality in which two things exist in a paradoxical balance of two equal forces that keep going on and on in a kind of postive/negative dance. When the going gets tough, we need to focus on this duality which is the foundation of reality. Life is ebb and flow, positive and negative, bitter and sweet, negative and positive. When the going seems too tough, we need to focus on finding and going with the flow. We need to follow one rule of thumb: don't quit.


"Don't Quit"
- Anonymous
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

(excerpt from Best Loved Poems of the American People)

Life Lessons From Depression, With Love

When I suffered PTSD, it took willpower to smile, if you can believe that. I should have known something was wrong when my smile became quirky & crooked. Eventually, my smile became unquirked, and my PTSD worked itself out. I know that it's possible to get over this without meds, but seeing a professional to talk things out will lead to a proper discussion, proper diagnosis, and more options in treatment. Some people don't want to see anyone about their symptoms, which is why I'm sharing my life lessons right here on this website. A few things that I'm able to share are a few things I probably knew already, but forgot. Some of them are listed below:

· Get into believing that you are an essential part of the universe.
· Get into believing the universe is in order & you can be, too.
· Get into the thrill of being in your skin.
· Get into the joy of being your own best friend
· Get into the routine of respecting yourself.
· Get into appreciating the little things.
· Get into celebrating your assets, no matter how small.
· Get into accepting the things you cannot change.
· Get into the joy of living one day at a time, even if you planned 2 months ahead.
· Get into the practice of forgiving yourself and others.
· Get into protecting your natural environment--it's where you live.
· Get into self-respecting and appreciating who you are.
· Get into accepting you cannot be all things to all people.
· Get into being true to yourself because you are perfect just as you are.
· Get into a balanced lifestyle which consists of bitter & sweet experiences.
· Get into believing you can change past behaviors and become a better person.
· Get into being your personal best one day at a time.

(c) 2012

Mindfulness helps with the OMG! factor.

When faced with drudgery or things we otherwise hate, there is the OMG! factor which includes a bit of distaste & a bit of resistance. If we could only find something to appreciate during such drudgery. The name for recognizing and appreciating the tiniest things is called "mindfulness." I'm writing today because I caught myself being mindful and wanted to share how it was done.

Like anyone else, there are things I really hate to do. This kind of drudgery brings out my basic sense of impatience and dread. Guess what it is. Can't? Okay, it's making the bed, crawling across the bed to tuck in the sheets, bumping my head against the wall, fluffing the pillows, making sure the edges of the sheet are aligned with the edges of the blanket and bedspread--OMG!

So today, I stopped myself from thinking about how annoying this project can be and switched my thoughts to more pleasant activities, like taking my morning walk, or entertaining fantasies like, what if I had a dog or what will I make for breakfast, maybe yogurt with cereal--no, too many carbs, or maybe a hot dog, but I'm out of bread. My thoughts were taking me away from what I was doing, but I still felt the drudgery.

Then I stopped myself from thinking, forced myself to focus on the act of making a pretty bed, starting with observing the floral pattern on my pastel blue sheets. I got into the "flow" or "zen" of it. Then I asked myself: What if everything had a life of its own, both animate and inanimate objects? What if they all needed attention but just weren't able to ask?

That's when I focused my attention on all five senses and listened to the way the sheets sounded, felt the softness of the bedding, and admired the rich brown color and subtle curve of the sleigh bed. This time, I didn't allow my mind to drift elsewhere or to make judgments. I didn't compare my 200 count sheets to my 300 count sheets. Instead, I appreciated the sheets and pillows on their own terms. In the other words, I gave them attention and also, I gave them love.

Being mindful changed making the bed into a painless affair. I even enjoyed making the bed. Mindfulness is something I will use more often. They say it's one of the keys to happiness.

Writing is still therapeutic.

Writing is still Therapeutic.

Negative thinking comes naturally, but incessant negative thinking is a sign of depression. Sometimes, I take a moment to reflect on my thoughts, goals, and emotional state, just to make sure I’m not entertaining negative thoughts more than necessary. I’m a strong believer in expressing negative emotions, not hiding them, but there’s a time and place for everything, and a good place to express emotions before sharing them is on the blank page—a white paper of sorts. I love to write, so this comes easily, but it’s been said and I agree, writing is therapeutic. Not only that, it’s something we all can do. When you write in a journal or loose-leaf binder, you express yourself, and if you so decide you can keep these expressions forever. You can even collect your thoughts for writing a memoir later in life when you get much older, or you can also dump it all in the trash.

By now you know, I’m a survivor of PTSD. I think I first suffered PTSD after a traumatic event involving my father and his ex-wife when I was 17 (my hands shook for a year) but events of 911 led me to seek help for stress and PTSD. As is customary, I was prescribed meds, which I took but didn’t continue because I thought the meds would be addictive. I was incorrect. Not all meds prescribed for PTSD and depression are addictive. Still, I think writing has been one of my best strategies for overcoming PTSD without professional help. Not all people who suffer PTSD develop depression, but for 40% of the population, it happens. I think it happened to me.

I think my PTSD led to mild depression, which is invisible. When something is invisible, it’s hard to pinpoint, treat and overcome. Incessant negative thoughts are the consistent symptom of depression, but my negative thoughts had been with me for most of my life in one form or another. Despite the efforts of my beautiful mother who single-parented ten children, negative events were a daily regimen in my life, and there was no safe place to hide and nothing to express at the time. It was simply a part of life.

Now, I’m glad I suffered and overcame PTSD. It caused me to discover who I really am, not who I seem to be or who I am expected to be. I learned to stop working so hard for the sake of job, family, or significant others and take notice of myself, stand up for myself, and learn to be my own best friend. I needed to know how to respond to negative assaults from toxic people in my life. I needed to learn how to face, confront and overcome workplace harassment. Because I can write, like we all can, I was able to uncover my emotions and rebuild emotional strength I had since childhood, but just forgot about. I was there walking shoulder to shoulder with my mother, helping her maintain a household, and this required emotional strength. Somewhere along the way I forgot about this.

Today is a time for self-expression and you are invited to write with me. Writing allows me to take a look at my accomplishments, my present challenges and be appreciative of the little things in life. Through writing, I am able to understand and like the person I was, the person I am, and the person I want to be.

· I start with a topic and see where it goes.
· I time myself so I don’t get burnt out—3 to 5 minutes.
· No matter how much I’m loving it, I stop writing after 3 or 5 minutes. If I want to resume the writing in my spare time, I do it, but when I’m expressing my emotions, I keep it short and sweet, 3 to 5 minutes at a time, max. I don’t want to bore myself to death.
· I do NOT erase, scratch-out, or make corrections. I’m not concerned about grammar, punctuation, political correctness, or anything that causes me to think too hard. I just write. I call this “free-writing” or “timed writing.”
· Please join me, or if you wish, free-write later. I like writing or reflecting at the end of my day, but you might prefer to write at lunch-time or after dinner.

3 minute free-writing: my thoughts for today--

I watched JayZ on Oprah’s show tonight, don’t remember, oh, yes, it’s called, “Master Class.” I didn’t know he was such a genuine person, at least he seems to be. I thought he was arrogant, even though I like a lot of his stuff. He was gracious, almost as if he was trying to appease his audience. Nobody can be that nice, and my assumption is that he wasn’t nice. But I think Beyonce’ has influenced him in a positive way. What if we all had someone who influenced us in a positive way? My influence was my dad. He took care of me, especially when I was sad. I remember crying one afternoon when I was three. My mom wanted to put me in a dress, but I wanted to wear a red jacket with matching red jeans. I sat on the floor and cried until my father got home. He picked me up, dressed me the way I wanted and carried me outdoors. I think my mother resented me from that day forward. She loved me, took care of me after they divorced when I was 10, and taught me everything I know about taking care of a household and family. But she looked at me like I was more my father’s child than hers….end of 3 minutes.