Emotional Intelligence & Rudyard Kipling's, "If"

Excerpt from “If” (1895) – Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise…

Emotional intelligence is difficult to define because emotions are difficult to define, but it includes having such knowledge of self and others that you're able to respond appropriately to others from the standpoint of self-awareness and empathy every time.

Although the concept of emotional intelligence seems new, it is not new. It was taught by Norman Vincent Peale (The Power of Positive Thinking, 1952) and many others to teach social skills and appropriate behavior.  The key to emotional intelligence is being “appropriate” in responding to any situation at hand.

The poem, “If” by Rudyard Kipling, was my mother’s favorite poem. It is listed on her website: http://www.survivingaday.com. She taught us by example, quotations, old sayings, and poems.  It was only after I read the poem in terms of building emotional intelligence that I realized the additional power behind its message.

Emotional intelligence is a skill that we begin to develop in early childhood. Some people are provided with the tools for strong emotional strength as they grow up; others must work to achieve them after they become adults. But like any skill, emotional intelligence can be learned and developed. Principles of Emotional Intelligence are described differently but they generally consist of the following characteristics:

• Self awareness
• Self management
• Self-esteem
• Awareness of others
• Motivation and will power
• Empathy
• Assertiveness
• Appropriateness

Using words from Rudyard Kipling's poem, I'd like to share my thoughts based on the principles of emotional intelligence. You may discover additional meanings behind words in this poem, but that’s what makes it poetry:

“If you can keep your head” implies self-management.

“When all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you” implies self-esteem and empathy.

If you can “trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too, implies understanding of self and others—No one is perfect, so accept flaws and hold others accountable.

“If you can wait and not be tired by waiting” implies  will power, stamina and hopefulness.

“Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies” implies maintaining your integrity and behaving appropriately—how do you begin to unravel a lie without misrepresenting yourself?

“Or being hated don’t give way to hating,” suggests the importance of self-knowledge and respecting your beliefs and habits.  People may not like you for their personal reasons, but that doesn’t change how you respond to them. “An eye for an eye” only leads to more blindness and pain.

“Yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise…” suggests empathy, humility” and awareness of how others might perceive you, whether it reflects who you are or not.

Ways to build emotional intelligence can be found in most everything, including this poem. I remember reading it just for inspiration, not for the emotional strength-building it suggests. It’s a much longer poem but certainly worth the read. Google for the poem and for more information on the poem.
Until we meet again,
(c) M.D. Johnson (2012)