Release the energy caused by pent-up emotions. Write.

Writing is therapeutic, and whether we're facing challenges or not, writing has a way of tapping into emotions we never knew we felt. It happens almost by accident. For example, you might sit down to write a "Dear John/Jane" letter, a love letter, or a letter of complaint and emotions escalate. As you write, more emotions rise to the surface. Rather than suppressing your feelings you should continue the writing and release the energy caused by pent up emotions. As psychologists say, sooner or later, emotions will be expressed, appropriately or inappropriately. Writing is always appropriate because it's private.

Emotions will find a way to be revealed, and as Terrence Real, MSW, explains in his book,  I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, emotions will be expressed either through "acting out" or "acting in." "Acting out" is behavior that can be observed by ourselves and others whereas "acting in" is behavior that remains invisible but can have devastating effects. Men are especially known for acting out, but women do it too. Instead of acting out or self-medicating, a good place to start is with a pen and notepad in your hand (a computer is less private).

I consider myself a writer among other things, but I don't know if I write because I have much to express or if I have so much to express that I write, but writing allows me to reflect, revisit a situation, and analyze it from a different perspective. If I've said too much, no one knows but me, so I can write to my heart's content. Once pent up emotions are expressed, they simply go away!

(to be continued)...

Microexpressions: how we communicate without knowing

 Communication is a two-way street, but somebody’s got to start the process. When two people are speaking at the same time, not listening at the same time, or thinking of a clever response at the same time, communication is non-existent, or so it seems. Unfortunately, no matter what we say or fail to say, our nonverbal language still communicates, even at the level of subtle “microexpressions.” Communication is verbal, but most of it is nonverbal and although we think our negative thoughts and feelings are private, often they are not.

I worked for two bosses within the same department. When I asked the one who hired me about his philosophy on life, he told me, “I always try to say, yes.” He was followed by a new boss who always seemed to say, “No.” Their leadership styles were totally different, but they got things done in their individual ways. Still the office climate told the story.

The first boss got things done by creating a sense of ownership and mutual respect while the second boss got things done by creating a sense of intimidation and exclusion. The first boss seemed to be saying, “I respect what you do and there is something I can learn from you.” The second boss communicated feelings of superiority: “I know everything, just ask me.” If I correctly recall, both bosses communicated based more on what they did than what they said.

We communicate thoughts and feelings in the most subtle ways. Based on studies by Dr. Paul Eckman, a prominent clinical psychologist, Mike Krutza and Jodi Wiff explain that unknowingly, we are able to communicate on the level of “microexpressions,” which last a split second. We are all very aware of our nonverbal communication, but we are not so aware of subtle communication representing 7 universal human emotions that we all understand and share across cultures. “These are facial expressions that happen in approximately ½ second and manifest when a person consciously or unconsciously tries to repress or hide their feelings.” When different information is communicated via body language, tone of voice or microexpressions, we feel uncomfortable, confused or deceived because something seems out of synch.

7 Universal Microexpressions listed are as follows:

• Happiness--crow’s feet appear on someone's eyes when they smile, indicating genuine happiness.
• Sadness--the eyebrows are creasing towards the center.
• Surprise-- the eyebrows are raised, the eyes widen and the mouth opens.
• Fear--a facial expression that seems to say "eek," person unconsciously pulls back the corners of the mouth.
• Disgust-- a person's nose wrinkles but upper lip is relaxed, an immediate "ewwww" response.
• Contempt-- the right or left corner of the mouth pulls back.
• Anger-- the eyes are glaring with the eyebrows down altogether.

Studies show “microexpressions” translate across cultures, gender and other demographics. It’s important to remember, thoughts reflect action, no matter what we try to hide. It’s not only what we say, but also what we do, consciously or unconsciously. We have all noticed someone watching when we thought they were not, but we probably never suspected we were communicating thoughts and feelings at the most subtle level of communication—microexpressions. I’m sure the 7 universal microexpressions studied by Dr. Paul Eckman are not the only expressions we display, so it’s always good to think positive thoughts because this will naturally lead to good communication.

(c) M.D. Johnson (2013) based on the article: “Leadership Coaching: How Microexpressions Reveal Emotions” by Mike Krutza /Co-Author, Jodi Wiff
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7156705

Top 10 People who make me smile

 

Top 10 People who make me smile                                    

  It’s no secret, the fastest communication between two people is a smile, and smiles can lead to happiness. Whether the smile comes from within or from someone else, creating positive feelings begins with finding ways to smile. When I feel sad or blue, I try to remember people, places and things that make me smile. There are places that make me smile, such as Disney World, New Orleans, New York City and Apeldoorn, Netherlands. There are also things that make me smile. For example, the sight of Mickey Mouse always puts a smile on my face. Sometimes I reach into my childhood memories and smile at the ridiculous things we did to have fun. My brothers, sisters, and I always managed to find ways to create laughter and happiness. Now, when I’m faced with adversity or negativity, I still try to think of people who make me smile. 

 This is my top 10 list of people who make me smile.

 1. John Malkovich is such a talented actor, and his voice is so soothing and serene, I can’t have a bad day if I’m watching and listening to him. In fact, if I’m feeling overly stressed, whenever I see him all of my worries fade away. I’m compelled to stop and listen to whatever he’s talking about. Maybe it’s his charisma or perhaps it’s that seemingly wicked smile that underscores his meaning. I loved him as a gentleman in “Dangerous Liaisons,” as an overgrown child in Steinbeck’s, “Of Mice and Men,” and even as a criminal in “Con Air.” Despite his many different roles, he has always kept me mesmerized, and at the end of any of his movies, I find myself smiling.

 

2. Tommy Lee Jones is so multi-talented, so mentally in sync with the worst criminals and yet, he exudes humanity. I loved him in “Men in Black,” but also in “The Fugitive”and "Coal Miner's Daughter." His roles are fascinating because of his acting ability and striking appearance. He’s not the best-looking man, nor the sexiest, but in movies involving love or war, he’s a “smooth operator” who appears to be the epitome of what everyone needs. I remain in awe of him, and he will always make me smile.

3. Will Smith began as a comedian and rapper but has become a major box office draw. He is a serious character actor, with or without the comic flair. His role in “Men in Black” or “Independence Day” displays just one aspect of his talents. From humble beginnings, he has worked hard to become one of the top-grossing actors today. In his acting, he has avoided being typecast, and he keeps us wondering what role he will play next. In life, Will Smith epitomizes all that is good and humane, and he continually inspires. He’s a family man who seems committed to excellence at home as well as in the workplace. My impression of Will Smith is, he is a true American hero, and we should tap into what he knows about achieving goals while staying grounded and helping to keep our family grounded. Seeing his smile makes me smile.

4. Matt Damon has an unforgettable smile that keeps me guessing whether it’s real or constructed. He is talented, conscientious, and keeps me on the edge of my seat as I hope and pray for the triumph of characters like, Jason Bourne. I watched his heroic deeds and faced another aspect of his characterizations in “Elysium.” Despite keeping us filled with suspense as we watch one of his action movies, Matt Damon is also able to show a gentler side as in the movie, “We Bought a Zoo.” He showed a humorous side to his personality when he finally visited "Jimmy Kimmel Live." Because he exudes good looks and good values, and because he’s such a talented actor, Matt Damon makes me smile.

5. Denzel Washington has earned the right to be called simply, “Denzel” due to his excellent acting, beginning with his role in “Glory.” In movies such as “Richochet, “Training Day,” and so many more, he holds us in suspense, but I was pleasantly surprised to see him in more compassionate roles as in “Antwone Fisher” or “The Pelican Brief.” Denzel is able to invoke sympathy as well as disdain, but he also creates feelings of empathy which causes us to hope for the best despite his worst character traits. In “Training Day,” I rooted for him until the end. Not only is he talented, Denzel Washington is handsome and blessed with a winning smile. He seems to value the importance of family and treasure those in his personal life. Because he is not deluded, confused or side-tracked by success, he seems an excellent role model. With all of his positive attributes, how can I help but smile?

6. Diana Ross is singer, entertainer, actress, and the world’s first official “diva.” I loved her in “Lady Sings the Blues” and in “Mahogony,” but her music performances were simply the best. Not only does she offer an angelic voice, when she walks on stage, she shows us what glamor is  all about, surpassing the efforts of those who came before or after her. Over time, her voice has somewhat changed, but it remains strong and distinctively different and her glamorous style and stage presence remain unsurpassed. What’s also amazing about Diana Ross is her ability to nurture a marriage and build a strong family at the height of her success! When I see this beautiful diva enter a room, I feel admiration, and this makes me smile.

7. Chaka Khan is more than a memory; she is a gentle giant in the world of singers and entertainers. She was an inspiration to women everywhere when she walked on stage in midriff tops, exposing her C section scar, and singing “Sweet Thing,” “Do You Love What You Feel,” and “Once You Get Started.” With her band, Rufus, in the background, nothing could stop her, not even a few hiccups along the way. She never called herself a feminist, but she encouraged women to be themselves, be proud of  their assets, and express themselves. Seeing how beautiful she is makes me smile.

 

8. Nicholas Cage is the perpetual “nice guy” who always seems heroic to me. Whether it’s his soothing voice or that gentle smile, when I see him, I always smile. Watching his movies, I can’t help but empathize.  I become stressed if he seems stressed, and I never ever want to see him as a true villain. I loved him in “Con Air” as well as in “Moonstruck,” but I remember being totally stressed watching “Leaving LasVegas” and “Face/Off.” In real life, he seems the consummate gentleman, and despite ties to movie royalty, he does not appear arrogant. I love his voice and his handsome smile makes me smile.

9. Barack Obama is such a role model, it’s difficult to pinpoint any one reason why he makes me smile. He’s handsome, he’s a strong leader , and he’s an excellent role model. He has great family values, and he supports his wife and family publicly. He knows what it means to set and achieve goals. It’s clear he’d like to make America a better place in which to live, beginning with himself and his family. He embodies the values and ethics that we all should strive for, and he shows us nothing is impossible. In fact, he shows us anything is possible, despite challenges or humble beginnings. All we need do is set goals, work hard, stay connected to those who support and love us, and stay the course. One thing I might add is this: Barack Obama has accomplished much while embracing multiculturalism and keeping a clear focus on his identity. Seeing him as President of the United States makes me smile.

 

  10. Jimmy Fallon constantly makes me smile because he is someone who connects with people, beginning with his uninhibited displays of genuine happiness. He thinks like his audience, entertaining us with quick wit and repartee, graced by a smile, a chuckle or a roaring laugh. He is especially entertaining when he decides to dance because dancing makes him laugh, and when he laughs, the very least we will do is smile. Sometimes when I’ve had an exhausting day, I take a short nap just to awake in time to watch, “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.” He recently welcomed a new daughter into his life but candidly shared information about personal family challenges. Jimmy Fallon is clearly a family man, but it’s also clear, his family includes his audience. Each night, Jimmy Fallon makes sure I end my day with a smile. 

My top 10 list is not organized according to any hierarchy or priority, just listed as my favorites came to mind. These are just faces I remember, and whenever I do, I always smile. A smile is the shortest distance between two people, but happiness can be created with only a smile, whether it comes from within or without. We all have little things we do to keep a smile on our faces. What about you? Who are the top 10 people that make you smile?

(c) M.D. Johnson

I feel Angels walk among us, do you?

My mother is dead. My father, my sister, my cranky aunt as well as my favorite aunt, all dead in a matter of six years, and everyone said, they’re in a better place. My first response might have been, “And how do you know? Have you been there?" but I’ve always been thankful for the gestures, sensing they were overwhelmed by the notion that I had lost everything, or so it seemed. Who has words to express sympathy for that kind of grief? Now, I realize, at least two of those I lost were angels, not meant to walk beside me for the longest time, not meant to be “the wind beneath my wings”once I was able to fly.

It took ten years to recover the losses, but you never get over losing loved ones, especially when you realize they must have been angels because they were too important to be merely a coincidence. My mother and favorite aunt died suddenly after long productive lives, but I remember the day my sister knew it was time for her to go. I made a request and she refused. I could feel a growing impatience with the little things I said and did, and suddenly she was gone long before what I thought was her time to go. She died after a short hospital stay, but she had been ill for ten years and never said a word to anyone.

Looking back on the years of mourning her death, I wonder if there was something I could have done to speed up the process. Ten years is a long time to mourn. Now, I imagine I can fly, and sometimes, during a late afternoon walk, I see the shape of my mother hovering slightly above treetops, and I see my sister’s image in the shape of a cloud stretched across the sky. I say a little prayer but by the time I have moved close enough to scrutinize the image, it has dissipated into thin air.

I have seen several images of my sister, playing among the clouds in late afternoon, but there is one image I will especially remember. It appeared in a dream shortly after my sister’s death. In the dream, she swam to me, first as bubbles, but then as a dynamic athlete, crossing the Atlantic and swimming toward me. She approached the shore where I stood, raised her sunglasses, and smiled a most beautiful smile. She had been by my side throughout my life, and I thought was gone. Yet, this dream seemed to be telling me something quite different. Though she was nine years my junior, and despite her personal hardships, she gave to others unconditionally. Saying goodbye to her took courage I never imagined I had. Seeing her smile in the dream assured me that everything was as planned, and she was finally home.

I feel angels walk among us, but they are sworn to secrecy. Somehow, I believe my sister was an angel who came to accompany me until I could stand on my own. My sister held secrets deep enough to change the course of her life, but she never failed to plant gardens whenever she could. She left this earth before her personal happiness could be achieved, and I regret not recognizing her as an angel, but how was I to know?

Though nothing can replace the love one has for a mother and favorite aunts have a special place in the heart, the experience of having your own personal angel leaves much to the imagination. I believe I am much stronger because of my sister as much as I believe angels live among us, guiding our steps, bringing us closer to our highest spiritual power. For my sake and hers, I will try to live with a sense of purpose, gratitude and happiness one day at a time.