What matters most is being part of a group that values and validates us.
Humans are motivated by wants and needs. While our wants are negotiable, our needs are non-negotiable. We can postpone or eliminate things that we want, but our needs must be fulfilled and for the most part, they must be fulfilled in a predetermined order. Psychologist Abraham Maslow created a list of human needs or a Hierarchy of Needs. The list organizes our human needs in order of priority, beginning with our basic needs and ending with our highest need, a need for self actualization. Knowingly or unknowingly, we all strive toward self-actualization. If we fulfill lower needs and choose the right people to support us, we can achieve self-actualization, which allows us to achieve our highest purpose.
Self-actualization is non-negotiable; it is an emotional need. It inspires us to do our greatest good and to achieve our very best. In order to fulfill this need, we must first fulfill all lower needs. As lower needs are met, higher needs appear. For example, if the lower need of validation is not fulfilled, our need for "self-actualization" will never appear. If the need for “self-actualization” never appears, our highest purpose in life can not be achieved.
The general order in which our needs appear:
Basic needs: food, water, air, warmth and survival
Safety needs: security and protection
Psychological needs: love, relationships and belonging
Emotional needs: self-esteem and validation
Spiritual needs: self-actualization and achieving our greatest good.
Validation by others is the higher need that must be fulfilled before the need for self-actualization appears. Meeting this need depends on positive feelings about ourselves and others. It's the key to healthy self-esteem and positive social relationships. Validation involves interacting with others and being appreciated by them. It requires connecting with people who value us. Positive relationships are important to our emotional and spiritual well-being. They build trust and self-esteem. Validation closes the gap between meeting lower needs and fulfilling our very highest need for self-actualization.
It's important to choose our relationships carefully and build relationships with people who appreciate and validate us. We build self-esteem when we are around people who offer positive reinforcement and who value us. This enables us to become self-actualized and allows us to achieve our greatest good in life. It's not enough to be part of a group. What matters most is being part of a group that values and validates us.
