I feel Angels walk among us, do you?

My mother is dead. My father, my sister, my cranky aunt as well as my favorite aunt, all dead in a matter of six years, and everyone said, they’re in a better place. My first response might have been, “And how do you know? Have you been there?" but I’ve always been thankful for the gestures, sensing they were overwhelmed by the notion that I had lost everything, or so it seemed. Who has words to express sympathy for that kind of grief? Now, I realize, at least two of those I lost were angels, not meant to walk beside me for the longest time, not meant to be “the wind beneath my wings”once I was able to fly.

It took ten years to recover the losses, but you never get over losing loved ones, especially when you realize they must have been angels because they were too important to be merely a coincidence. My mother and favorite aunt died suddenly after long productive lives, but I remember the day my sister knew it was time for her to go. I made a request and she refused. I could feel a growing impatience with the little things I said and did, and suddenly she was gone long before what I thought was her time to go. She died after a short hospital stay, but she had been ill for ten years and never said a word to anyone.

Looking back on the years of mourning her death, I wonder if there was something I could have done to speed up the process. Ten years is a long time to mourn. Now, I imagine I can fly, and sometimes, during a late afternoon walk, I see the shape of my mother hovering slightly above treetops, and I see my sister’s image in the shape of a cloud stretched across the sky. I say a little prayer but by the time I have moved close enough to scrutinize the image, it has dissipated into thin air.

I have seen several images of my sister, playing among the clouds in late afternoon, but there is one image I will especially remember. It appeared in a dream shortly after my sister’s death. In the dream, she swam to me, first as bubbles, but then as a dynamic athlete, crossing the Atlantic and swimming toward me. She approached the shore where I stood, raised her sunglasses, and smiled a most beautiful smile. She had been by my side throughout my life, and I thought was gone. Yet, this dream seemed to be telling me something quite different. Though she was nine years my junior, and despite her personal hardships, she gave to others unconditionally. Saying goodbye to her took courage I never imagined I had. Seeing her smile in the dream assured me that everything was as planned, and she was finally home.

I feel angels walk among us, but they are sworn to secrecy. Somehow, I believe my sister was an angel who came to accompany me until I could stand on my own. My sister held secrets deep enough to change the course of her life, but she never failed to plant gardens whenever she could. She left this earth before her personal happiness could be achieved, and I regret not recognizing her as an angel, but how was I to know?

Though nothing can replace the love one has for a mother and favorite aunts have a special place in the heart, the experience of having your own personal angel leaves much to the imagination. I believe I am much stronger because of my sister as much as I believe angels live among us, guiding our steps, bringing us closer to our highest spiritual power. For my sake and hers, I will try to live with a sense of purpose, gratitude and happiness one day at a time.