A story About Depression

A STORY ABOUT DEPRESSION******************************************************** With depression, negativity is normal. I remember thinking: “You’ve got to stop thinking so negatively or something terrible is going to happen to your health. Something did; I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes after 13 years on the job. I wasn’t overweight and was considered very healthy, but after that diagnosis, I thought my life was over. ****** After realizing I was feeling depressed, I sought counseling in order to get help with my feelings of hopelessness. Instead of receiving counseling to help with negative patterns of thought, the counselor began to focus on the problems related to my personal relationship which had been wonderful just a year ago, but a year ago I hadn't been so negative. ****** At the counselor’s office, I didn’t feel uncomfortable until he became more fascinated with details of my personal life than with my constant negative thinking about the diabetes and life in general. During the second visit, I realized any real help from this doctor was impossible. Yet, I visited his office once more just to make sure, just like I always did in every bad relationship that had been only partly my fault yet for which I accepted total responsibility. ****** I felt myself justifying why this doctor should be allowed to experiment on me, ignoring my negative feelings, physical exhaustion, and sadness. Finally, half-way to my third office visit, I made a decision to stop. I turned the car around and drove home. I had a fatal flaw of nurturing people who didn’t nurture me in return. Maintaining a professional relationship with this doctor was consistent with my usual pattern of negativity, allowing people to neglect me, ignore me, and not reciprocate in the relationship. ****** This doctor was neglectful, condescending, and dismissive and I needed to stand up for myself. There was no reason to continue with his services except, I didn’t want him to dislike me. I never tried to see a counselor again because I didn't know the symptoms of depression. Incessant negative thinking is not normal. Besides, the doctor wasn't even likeable, maybe to his wife but not to me. Besides, there will always be people who won't like me and I won't like them. Will it be the end of life as I know it? I think not. ******