Negative thinking comes naturally, but incessant negative thinking is a sign of depression. Sometimes, I take a moment to reflect on my thoughts, goals, and emotional state, just to make sure I’m not entertaining negative thoughts more than necessary. I’m a strong believer in expressing negative emotions, not hiding them, but there’s a time and place for everything, and a good place to express emotions before sharing them is on the blank page—a white paper of sorts. I love to write, so this comes easily, but it’s been said and I agree, writing is therapeutic. Not only that, it’s something we all can do. When you write in a journal or loose-leaf binder, you express yourself, and if you so decide you can keep these expressions forever. You can even collect your thoughts for writing a memoir later in life when you get much older, or you can also dump it all in the trash.
By now you know, I’m a survivor of PTSD. I think I first suffered PTSD after a traumatic event involving my father and his ex-wife when I was 17 (my hands shook for a year) but events of 911 led me to seek help for stress and PTSD. As is customary, I was prescribed meds, which I took but didn’t continue because I thought the meds would be addictive. I was incorrect. Not all meds prescribed for PTSD and depression are addictive. Still, I think writing has been one of my best strategies for overcoming PTSD without professional help. Not all people who suffer PTSD develop depression, but for 40% of the population, it happens. I think it happened to me.
I think my PTSD led to mild depression, which is invisible. When something is invisible, it’s hard to pinpoint, treat and overcome. Incessant negative thoughts are the consistent symptom of depression, but my negative thoughts had been with me for most of my life in one form or another. Despite the efforts of my beautiful mother who single-parented ten children, negative events were a daily regimen in my life, and there was no safe place to hide and nothing to express at the time. It was simply a part of life.
Now, I’m glad I suffered and overcame PTSD. It caused me to discover who I really am, not who I seem to be or who I am expected to be. I learned to stop working so hard for the sake of job, family, or significant others and take notice of myself, stand up for myself, and learn to be my own best friend. I needed to know how to respond to negative assaults from toxic people in my life. I needed to learn how to face, confront and overcome workplace harassment. Because I can write, like we all can, I was able to uncover my emotions and rebuild emotional strength I had since childhood, but just forgot about. I was there walking shoulder to shoulder with my mother, helping her maintain a household, and this required emotional strength. Somewhere along the way I forgot about this.
Today is a time for self-expression and you are invited to write with me. Writing allows me to take a look at my accomplishments, my present challenges and be appreciative of the little things in life. Through writing, I am able to understand and like the person I was, the person I am, and the person I want to be.
· I start with a topic and see where it goes.
· I time myself so I don’t get burnt out—3 to 5 minutes.
· No matter how much I’m loving it, I stop writing after 3 or 5 minutes. If I want to resume the writing in my spare time, I do it, but when I’m expressing my emotions, I keep it short and sweet, 3 to 5 minutes at a time, max. I don’t want to bore myself to death.
· I do NOT erase, scratch-out, or make corrections. I’m not concerned about grammar, punctuation, political correctness, or anything that causes me to think too hard. I just write. I call this “free-writing” or “timed writing.”
· Please join me, or if you wish, free-write later. I like writing or reflecting at the end of my day, but you might prefer to write at lunch-time or after dinner.
3 minute free-writing: my thoughts for today--
I watched JayZ on Oprah’s show tonight, don’t remember, oh, yes, it’s called, “Master Class.” I didn’t know he was such a genuine person, at least he seems to be. I thought he was arrogant, even though I like a lot of his stuff. He was gracious, almost as if he was trying to appease his audience. Nobody can be that nice, and my assumption is that he wasn’t nice. But I think Beyonce’ has influenced him in a positive way. What if we all had someone who influenced us in a positive way? My influence was my dad. He took care of me, especially when I was sad. I remember crying one afternoon when I was three. My mom wanted to put me in a dress, but I wanted to wear a red jacket with matching red jeans. I sat on the floor and cried until my father got home. He picked me up, dressed me the way I wanted and carried me outdoors. I think my mother resented me from that day forward. She loved me, took care of me after they divorced when I was 10, and taught me everything I know about taking care of a household and family. But she looked at me like I was more my father’s child than hers….end of 3 minutes.
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