Was Steve Harvey overwhelmed by the job of promoting sexuality or distracted by the youth, sexiness and novelty of the contestants?

Sex sells, but this is because sex is advertised more in the media than anywhere else. People hired to deliver the news are delivering notions of sexuality and sexiness whenever they get the chance but ironically, those speaking on the topic are the least sexy. They present video clips or snippets of information that take us away from the mundane. As long as our attention is focused on something new, we can be manipulated into believing, almost against our will, and buying whatever is advertised.

We need to stop the vicarious thrill-seeking and put the sexy back in sex, making it something more subtle and special, but as long as people watch advertisements and video clips like they care, ignoring someone sitting next to them in the living room, and as long as sexual innuendo sells, we will be manipulated into vicarious sexual imaginings based on television, magazines, and the media hype, feeling fulfilled by the concept of novelty and thrills.

Statistics show we are less interested in personal relationships for a multitude of reasons, but one of the reasons is that the brain craves new and different things. If something becomes too commonplace, the brain loses interest. People are attracted to difference because the brain seeks novelty. When you factor in our desire for novelty and our boredom with sexuality because it has become too accessible and ordinary, what is the expected outcome?  Cheating is the first thing that comes to mind. It's different, it's new, it's sexual, and the risky nature of it all seems very attractive.

I wish the media hype around sexuality would just go away. I watched and listened to Steve Harvey announcing the Miss Universe contestants in the swim suit competition on that memorable night. During the show, he made many references to sexuality despite the fact that the references were from a male perspective and the audience seemed to include many women.  It's no wonder he committed such a faux pas. He was clearly distracted by all of the beauty, youth, sexiness, and difference. I honestly think he was overwhelmed by so many beautiful women and with so little chance to experience their novelty. 

I don't think Steve Harvey was the only one overwhelmed by the diverse collection of beautiful, sexy women. He exposed his innermost thoughts when he named Miss Colombia the winner. She must have been his subliminal choice. Whether the media moguls asked him to talk up the sexiness we will never know, but I think he got caught up in the vicarious thrills. If we stop buying the sex, the media moguls wouldn't hype it up, but then there is the brain's desire for novelty.

Story-telling can make a difference. One of my favorite stories is found in a poem.

I have learned that story-telling  can make a difference, whether listening to someones story or telling stories of our own.  If world history was told in stories rather than as a list of events, wouldn't it be more interesting? 

One of my favorite stories is found in a poem. The setting of the poems is a wooded path in the wintertime. Maybe the snow is just starting to fall or maybe it continues to fall. The speaker is wistful but committed to promises already made. For a moment, the speaker is thinking about what he is doing and what he might like to do. There are two characters in the story and one seems to be questioning the other's actions. Then comes the moment of truth.

The following poem is memorable because it is musical, it is relevant to anyone, and it contains part of a story. Most important of all, its message is inspiring. I hope you enjoy reading the poem as much as I do, especially in the wintertime. Happy Holidays!

"Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"
by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. 

"Ashes to ashes, we all fall down." The trick is to stand up, wise up, stop self-medicating on alcohol, heroin, or other drugs & deal with reality.

"Ashes to ashes, we all fall down." In other words, we all have up's and down's. Challenges and changes in our lives should be expected, but if we want emotionally balanced lives, we must adapt and go with the flow or we should seek help. Alcohol or drugs is not the final answer. 

If you feel something is not quite right, it probably isn't. First, keep a record of your thoughts and feelings. Then try to get help. Don't try to do everything on your own. You are a communal being, and your emotional well-being depends on how you take care of yourself and how you reach out to others when the going gets rough. The key to a balanced life is to become aware of your thoughts and feelings, find ways to to manage negativity, and to ask for help. Forget about trying to be positive, half-medicated all of the time. Just stop the madness and talk to someone.

Keeping track of negative emotions can seem unnatural. We are told to think positive, stand strong, and deny our negative emotions, but this is a mistake because  emotions must be expressed. In fact, in one way or another, they will be expressed--outwardly or inwardly. So your first response to strange emotional changes is to stop, take note of your thoughts and feelings, and finally, tell someone you can trust, even if it means dialing 800-273-TALK.

Because there is a strong interest in what is called, "positive psychology," nobody really wants to hear that someone they know is unhappy. It seems they fear your negativity is contagious, especially if it lingers for more than a week or two, but if you're thinking negative thoughts for more than two weeks, something is absolutely wrong. In fact, you might be depressed.

Instead of self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, start writing. Also, start keeping a record of your thoughts and feelings. Simply take out a pen and pad and write 

(c)MDHJohnson, 2013

your thoughts down on a daily basis. Keeping a record of how you feel and think for two or three weeks will be useful if you need to see your family doctor or if you are referred to a mental health professional. 

Not every negative situation is a major problem, especially if you catch it in time. However, you are the guardian of your emotional state, so if you feel strange but can't pinpoint the problem, start keeping track of how you feel.  Do not get lost in the conglomeration of thoughts and feelings and do not be confused by symptoms you never encountered before. Just write down your thoughts and feelings a few times during the day. 

If your thoughts and feelings are out of control, you might have an "invisible illness" or emotional disorder that can be uncovered and easily treated by a mental health professional or even on your own. It's as simple as that. We all experience "ups and downs." The question is, if your emotional upheaval lasts longer than two weeks, what are you going to do about it?

(c) MDHJohnson

Does anyone care about families of our fallen heroes? Gold Star Mothers and Families proclamation recognizes them.

When a soldier dies, it's difficult to explain the loss. First there was absence and suddenly, they were permanently gone.  Maybe it's the element of surprise that factors into the loss. Maybe you never had a chance to say, goodbye. You go through the usual process of grieving: friends, family; military funeral with the flag-draped casket and processional; the 21-gun salute; the bugle call; the flag folding (which is elaborate). You sit in dismay and watch:

"After the flag as been folded, the person who did the folding, known as the "folder", stands before the person who held the head of the flag during the folding, known as the "presenter". The folder holds the flag on end so that the corner of the folded flag can be inspected at eye level by the presenter. The presenter may then straighten the corner if necessary. The folder then turns the flag 180 degrees so the presenter can inspect the opposite corner and straighten it if necessary. Lastly, the folder turns the flag flat and places it in the hands of the presenter. The presenter then holds the flag with center corner towards the folder so the folder can inspect and straighten that corner if necessary. All done, the folder is dismissed and the presenter presents the flag to the chosen family member" ( A. Robert Cook).

You receive the flag thankfully, as though it is the fallen loved one. After the funeral you walk away, your emotions askew, and you ask why? You feel there is no one who understands what it really means to lose someone who fought for their country and died in the process. You might even forget to mourn as you struggle to make the pieces of your life fit. You often don't detect physical or emotional distress that develops due to the loss. 

So many families of veterans feel they are alone, and this post is written to share what might have helped my family after my brother died at age 21 during his time in the United States Army. His absence was never discussed within our family, and we mourned separately, including our mother. A few years ago, I finally cried.

There are people who understand. President Obama made the traditional Proclamation of Gold Star Mothers and Families on September 27, 2015, recognizing the mothers and families of our fallen heroes. Inquire if there is a group of Gold Star Mothers and Families in your community. If not, inquire about starting one.

Also visit: http://go.wh.gov/kUxd5o.

Truth be told, the holidays can bring angst or remorse as well as happiness.

Changing a habit takes 66 days, but who has the time? Losing weight can take even longer. Over-indulging usually begins with mindless eating that spirals out of control. But where there is a will, there is a way to keep it all under control.

Thanksgiving is the beginning of fun times with family, friends, and significant others, but it is also the beginning of self-shaming, body-slamming, and beating up on ourselves. And this is just a start. There are holiday celebrations until New Year's Day or longer.

So what's a person to do between late November and mid January? How can we enjoy good food, family, friends, or celebrating on our own without breaking the bank or tipping the scales? Truth be told, the holidays can bring angst or remorse as well as happiness.  

Anticipating family visits comes with gratitude and excitement, but it can also come with the dread of possible family feuds.  Having an extra serving of Grandma's apple pie comes with pleasure and goodness but also threats of gaining a pound or two.  When it comes to good eating and merriment, there is no way we can not indulge because if people spent hours toiling over a meal, the least we can do is eat it--lots of it.  Afterwards, we can enjoy the guilt.

During the holidays, guilt is not the only possibility. In fact, if we take steps to balance our eating and our other behaviors, we can avoid the negative feelings that often result after over-indulging.  In a radio interview broadcast 11/28/15, Dr. Brian Wansink made suggestions that are included in his book, Mindless Eating, and he offered some good advice. Follow the link (below) for more information.

According to today's interview, there are several ways to condition ourselves toward eating less. Some of the suggestions include:

• Saying one thing you are grateful for before eating;

• Writing down what you eat;

• Plating two items at a time and returning for different items, two at a time;

• Taking a snack that equals 1/4 of what you usually eat and then distracting yourself by taking a walk, returning a phone call, or running an errand.

Before you start planning for the usual overeating, guilt and self-shaming that often follows the holiday season, think of ways to be proactive, planning for what and how you will eat, drink, and celebrate! Happy holidays!

For more on this topic, follow this link: "Beating Your Mindless Eating Habits" http://foodpsychology.cornell.edu/outreach/mec.html

Sometimes, we don't want to overcome the setback, and we don't want to get beyond the pain.

In present day society, we only want to feel happy, so why should we plan for negative events or sadness? Because of "positive psychology," we don't want to think about "setbacks" or troubles that threaten our progress. When a setback happens, we often find it hard to adjust. We don't know that negative thinking is normal, so some of us fall into patterns of negative behavior or guilty feelings. We ask, "Why this? Why me? Why now?" Yet, to some extent, we made a mistake in judgment, so we have only ourselves to blame.

Negative thinking protects us from harm, and negative experiences provide opportunities to learn. The best we can do is go with the flow, learn from our mistakes, and try to overcome any setbacks. But sometimes, we don't want to overcome the setback, and we don't want to get beyond the pain. Instead, we want to hold on to our misery, replay it all in our heads, and watch the sadness build up. 

The brain tends to provide more of what we expect, so if negative thoughts are feeding the brain, the brain begins to feed the negativity. This becomes a cycle of sadness creating more sadness. This is how depression starts, how it grows, and how it continues to live until it becomes overwhelming. That's when negative thinking can lead to depression and increase the risk of suicide. 

Negative thinking is important if you want to take some time to determine what happened to cause your misery. That way, you can give yourself a "reality check" to determine which of your negative thoughts are exaggerated or which are just wrong. This allows you to adjust your thinking and exchange the negative self-assessments for more positive ones. As long as you don't spend too much time reliving negative events, some negative thinking can be helpful.

Negative thinking is normal (at least for a couple of weeks or so) but incessant, overwhelming negative thinking creates sadness. If negative thinking controls your thinking during the day for weeks at a time, this might be a sign of depression, which requires a doctor's opinion and possible intervention.

"Jabberwocky": Sometimes words don't mean a thing.

Sometimes, words don't mean a thing and how could they when 93% of what we know about others or what they know about us is learned through nonverbal communication? According to studies, people watch what you do, how you carry yourself, your facial expressions, and listen to your tone of voice to determine what you mean. Only 7% of what you learn about others is based on words, so when you hear or read a nonsensical statement, phrase or poem, you must rely on what you already know about language, context, tone of voice, facial expressions, or anything other than words to determine its true meaning.

Understanding words and meanings is a balancing act which also requires knowledge of denotation (dictionary meaning of a word) and connotation (meaning that has become associated with a word). For example, the dictionary definition of the word, pretty, means "pleasing or attractive in a delicate way" whereas the word alluring means "very attractive or tempting, enticing or seductive" and suggests much more than passive attractiveness. The word, alluring, is richer in connotation because it is suggestive, rather than specific. It suggests deliberate intention and indicates emotional input which intensifies meaning. 

Understanding what we hear and read requires emotional input based on what we already know, but what if the words totally don't make sense? That's when we must rely on contextual clues which allow us to "feel" the meaning. For example, author, Lewis Carol wrote the following verse which seems to suggest meaning, but the words are nonsensical. Based on what you know about language and context, what do you think the poem is saying? In other words, how would you translate the following verse using standard traditional English, but not slang? 

(This can be written in your personal writing journal, but if you post a translation via this blog site, please indicate whether you'd like it published and if you make a grammatical error, don't worry; I'll edit before I post.) 

Note: Only original ideas can be posted. 

JABBERWOCKY

Lewis Carroll

(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
  Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
  And the mome raths outgrabe.

Negative thinking can develop a life of its own, so don't let it boss you around.

Because there is a strong interest in what is called, "positive psychology," people don't want to hear about someones negative thoughts, especially if they last more than a moment or two, but if you're thinking negative thoughts on a daily basis, something is amiss, so keep track of how many times negative thoughts are controlling how you feel. A record of these thoughts might prove useful if you need to see your family doctor or if you are referred to a mental health professional. By all means, take control of your negative thoughts; don't let them boss you around!

Negative thinking is what our brain does naturally in order to keep us aware of possible danger, but it doesn't need to control our mood or our behavior. At the same time, negative thoughts don't need to be hidden or concealed. When we deny our negative thoughts, we are suppressing our emotions, and one way or another, emotions will be expressed--in constructive or in destructive ways.

As a society, we are most focused on happiness, often expecting but never planning for unhappiness, never planning how to overcome a setback, or never expecting to lose, but when it happens and we lose something, many of us find it hard to adjust. Some of us fall into patterns of self-sabotage or self-pity, crying the blues and lamenting, "Poor little old me," when at some point, we made an incorrect assessment about ourselves or about someone else and to some extent are partly to blame for the loss. 

Reflecting on what happened is not a bad thing.  If you want to take a moment and relive the misery so as to process its impact on your reality, on your life, or on your negative behavior, you do so at your own risk. Negative thinking is normal (at least for a moment or two), but incessant negative thoughts create more negative thoughts if allowed to persist for too long.  Ruminating over negative circumstances or unfortunate outcomes is an exercise in futility, but this is the way negative thinking lives, grows, and wreaks havoc.

If you experience negative thinking daily for two weeks or more, it might be time to consult your family doctor or a mental health professional.  Not every mental process is a major problem, especially if you catch it in time. However, you are the guardian of your emotional state, so if you see something, say something to someone who has the ability to help. Take control of your emotions, and don't let negative thinking boss you around!

Halloween: "Thrills, Chills or Other Zany Ill's."

In 2014, two-thirds of all Americans had plans to celebrate Halloween, spending an average amount of $77.52 on candy, costumes, and decorations. Half of Americans planned to give out two pieces of candy to 42.1 million trick-or-treaters, ages 5-14 (CNN.com). In other words, Halloween in America remains a significant celebration. But what is it about Halloween?

What is it about being terrified and fascinated at the same time, like watching for Freddy Krueger peeking from behind a door, fearing someone will die, but fascinated by the method to be used in the process? Halloween is a celebration that holds a similar mystique not only for children, but for adults as well.


With 66.7 percent of Americans decorating their homes and offices, Halloween exceeds Thanksgiving Day for most interest and creativity in the way it is observed. Only Christmas creates more interest and candy sales. "As one of the world's oldest holidays, Halloween is still celebrated today in several countries around the globe, but it is in North America and Canada that it maintains its highest level of popularity"(www.novareinna.com/festive/world.html).


When I was a child, we were not allowed to go outdoors on Halloween, but Trick-or-Treat happened the night before, and whatever distance we could travel before returning home by midnight was acceptable. We spent weeks eagerly planning which outfits we would ask our mother to make. On this important occasion before Halloween, my siblings and I would leave home, dressed to impress. We would then scout the best neighborhoods near our side of town in order to fill large decorated brown bags (made strong especially for trappings of Halloween like candy apples, oranges, bags of marshmallows, bubble gum, and candy bars of all types and sizes). We'd start out at dusk and return home by midnight, a tribe of five older children who brought home enough snacks to share with those too small for trekking through dark streets and following porch lights that signaled it was okay to knock on the doors and request, "Trick or Treat."


After returning home, it was a quick bath and off to bed, but in the morning, it was finding a separate corner in which to examine and categorize the goodies before deciding which treats would be shared and which would not. In separate areas of a bedroom, each of us would discard any unwrapped treats, tossing them into the trash no matter how delicious they looked. If caught eating anything unwrapped, the entire bag of goodies would be confiscated. Eating as much candy and junk food as a body could handle was gluttony, which was considered a sin, but on Halloween, it was allowed.


It was a frightening experience, following our brother and his twin sister because all we could see in the darkness was their backs and the houses on opposite sides of the street, so we simply followed and prepared for the worst as the two eldest led us through winding streets, around creepy corners, and past noisy, barking dogs. We expected giant spiders and gooey spider webs; green-faced witches and grotesque goblins; big, angry black cats trying to cross our paths; drooling monsters of all kinds. Along the way, we saw many action figures and superheros, and a few real-life bullies hoping to steal bags of goodies from the smaller children without doing any of the hard work. The only surprise was having a heavy bag split open, spilling candy all over the sidewalk and ground like gummy bear guts.


Arriving home with a bag of treats intact was a miracle in itself, and arriving home with no poisoned treats was even more so. That was the way it was throughout our years of trick-or-treating on our own--kids and the neighbors celebrating together--until somebody gave poisoned fruit to some kids and taking treats from younger children led to warnings and curfews being put into place. 

For me, Trick-or-Treat is an event that conjures fond memories that are as vivid today as they were yesterday, and even with all of the mystery and element of surprise, I wouldn't change a thing. What are your best memories of Halloween? 

Can love in intimate relationships exist without sex?

Can love exist without sex?

If you really think about it, love is a combination of subtle emotions, but the essence of love is a feeling of completeness. When we say we love someone, we are trying to describe an emotion that defies definition or description: completeness. "Completeness" is more a strong sensation than an emotion because it is different for each individual.  When someone fulfills our physical and emotional needs, we feel "complete" because important human needs are being met. 

According to Abraham Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs," feelings of trust, safety, intimacy, and acceptance reflect important human needs, and fulfilling needs creates feelings of well-being, especially when combined with sexual fulfillment. But sexual intimacy creates a different set of needs, including the need for safety or permanence in the relationship based on feelings of love.

Love is defined as "an intense feeling of deep affection," and because of its level of intensity, such deep affection creates a desire for emotional and physical "completeness" or sexual intimacy. But once a relationship becomes sexual, there are hormonal changes that often lead to a need for greater emotional attachment, more often for women who usually work harder to ensure their object of affection remains connected and dedicated to the relationship. 

Sexual intimacy is reassuring and it creates an emotional bond, but it also can create anxiety or insecurity. Fulfilling our need for love or emotional "completeness" is a human need, but must it include sexual intimacy? Can love exist without sex? 

-mhjohnson

*********

See Also: Oxytocin: The Love and Trust Hormone Can Be Deceptive | Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-gratitude/201310/oxytocin-the-love-and-trust-hormone-can-be-deceptive

Do you know someone who needs her story told? I do. Her name is Martha.

Hi, My name is Martha, and I am a twin. My sister and I bonded in our mother's womb, and we kicked and played like any normal kids, despite the fact that our mother suffered physical, emotional, and verbal abuse and despite the fact that she even fell down on the porch in her eighth month of pregnancy.

It's been said, she was huge and we were a heavy burden, but she was proud to be having two of us, despite the fact that he worked late hours and sometimes stayed out all night after the restaurant closed. I could taste the bitterness of stress whenever she was upset, but after all was said and done, the three of us survived. 

I was born first and my sister followed, and all seemed well, but it wasn't long before they realized, something was wrong.  My speech wasn't developing, and I couldn't follow instructions when I was given something to do.  My appearance was normal (I think I looked prettier than my twin sister but she was pretty, too). My body was perfect. I had strong legs and a perfect shape for a little girl.  

My sister and I played and made cooing sounds in the baby bed all day and sometimes at night. We'd awake and one of us would start cooing, then it was both of us, then one of my big sisters along with my big brother would arrive to change the sheets, change our diapers, and feed us a bottle of milk while our mother tried to catch some rest. Those were the glory days, the land of milk and honey with a mother, father, and a houseful of kids who played with us and fed us when our mother was too exhausted.

Then one day it happened. I had to go away because I couldn't attend school and my mother had to work while the other kids went to school. They said I would never achieve more skills than a four-year old, even if my mother followed the doctors' instructions and treated me like any normal kid. But my mother didn't because she couldn't force me to do what didn't come natural. Even though I was just as big as my twin sister and old enough in years, I was still a baby in my mental abilities.

So they sent me away and my mother visited every week until I had to move two hours north. Then she saw me once a month. I'm fine, now and if you let me tell it, I don't think anything is wrong. In fact I'm better than many kids who were damaged at birth because at least, I don't know I'm mentally retarded (or mentally "disabled" is what they like to say), and at least I don't know about being normal coming out of the womb when that inexperienced intern applied too much pressure and used the forceps incorrectly as I was being delivered.  We didn't find this out until it was time for me to be admitted into my new home at age nine. My mother read the new doctor's report and cried, but I never knew why.

That's my story, and I think people like me need to be heard about. I can't write. My sister writes for me, but if you know someone who needs you to write their story, you can write it anytime. They'll appreciate it as much as I do.
Post her story here or at www.emomastery.com. mhjohnson

Can you determine joy and sadness based only on words?

It's hard to know the difference between joy and sadness because of the "blurred lines" between appearances and reality. According to studies, we learn much more about people and their emotions through facial expressions and body language than we learn through words. Emotions show on a face unless an individual is able to mentally control his/her physical reactions or control emotional responses. Compared to facial expressions and body language, what people say means very little. It's mostly facial expressions and body language that tell us how someone really feels.

If you wish to use this drawing as a Writing Prompt,  feel free to respond in writing:

•  Considering body language and facial expression alone, how do you think the person in this drawing feels? Is this a portrayal of happiness, sadness, or something in between?

• Feel free to color this drawing if it makes it appear more realistic. Then, in a 5-minute writing, respond to this picture. 

• Post your response to www.emomastery.com and qualify for a free writing session. You can also store your writing in a safe place and continue another day.

So many of us are looking for role models or someone to follow because we don't want to appear different. This works for some people, but for others, not so much. As you travel through this world, don't deny your right to be who you are. Sometimes, this is frightening since most people rarely expose their weaknesses or vulnerabilities. Six points to keep in mind:

• You can't hide a source of power, so embrace yours while appreciating the gifts of others. 

• You are endowed with unique abilities yet to be discovered, so embrace the light that shines within you and make it bright enough to share. 

• Don't be afraid of your brilliance nor be ashamed of your blunders or whatever you feel are imperfections here on Planet Earth. If you sometimes feel like a Vulcan or someone from an alien planet, just remember that you are a child of the universe and you have a right to be you.

• There will be times when you won't fly, so be prepared to walk. There is merit in walking among diverse populations who share different perspectives. Imagine the surprises you might find learning to thrive outside of your comfort zone.

• Live with integrity. Do not forget to walk in your own light, even if you are denied access or even if you must overcome challenges before being placed on a long waiting list, and even if you have to fight for your right to be human and different and beautiful.

• Listen well. Use your keen sense of hearing and learn to anticipate obstacles. By listening to yourself and others, you will also avoid arrogance and self-centeredness, which create negative energy and responses.

You don't need the limelight of others to carve your identity. Your power lies in your ability to accept who you are and to walk that very thin line between humanity and spirituality. Life itself, might be your greatest challenge, but you were born with a purpose and with the innate ability to fly above the mundane when necessary, so as to achieve your mission in life. 

Needs are different from wants. They are physical, emotional or spiritual requirements and they are non-negotiable.

What is freedom, and if offered would you take it?
I've had no job, service jobs, volunteer jobs, government jobs, and private-industry jobs, and neither type of job is sufficient when it comes to happiness. Each employment status and niche comes with its own set of rules and regulations to follow, but if you violate the rules, you risk losing it all. But what is "it"? Is it freedom that you lose?

Singer/songwriter Janis Joplin sings these lyrics in a song: "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose." But Janis Joplin was a rock singer, not a philosopher, and from what I know about her life, she never knew freedom. In fact, I don't think most of us achieve freedom, and if we were offered true freedom, would we know what to do with it?

Our lives are programmed for us from the day we are born.  We are told to work hard, study hard, volunteer or donate, get a job, and become prosperous. For inspiration, we are offered images of the trappings we are supposed to desire--new cars, new houses or condos, new job advancements, new faces, new body parts, and new horizons easily attainable by way of travel. We are told that to acquire all of these possessions is to achieve greatness, but most of us think we work for financial freedom. But would you rather have greatness or financial and emotional freedom?

Based on what psychologist Abraham Maslow called a "hierarchy of human needs," we don't need the trappings of worldly possessions and we don't need freedom, but as we accomplish goals, our human needs are being fulfilled. Whether we admit it or not, there is something comforting in being told what to do in the workplace, in school, and in religious institutions. Our political and public leaders are elected by the public for the public, but when they fail us, we fail to be outraged. We simply keep focused on our "end game" which includes achieving personal and financial goals, staying out of jail, and having enough fun in our youth so we can be satisfied to raise a family and make the necessary sacrifices when the time comes to fulfill the need for family connections.

As we follow a path prescribed for us, we fulfill basic and higher needs. The  hierarchy of needs outlined by Abraham Maslow, other psychologists, and educators are categorized as basic and higher needs. Only after basic needs are met do higher needs arise. Our human needs include:

• The need for basic necessities, like food, shelter, water, and warmth;
• The need for safety;
• The need for love, acceptance and belonging;
• The need for heightened self-esteem and appreciation;
• The need for spiritual connection to a higher power and/or to spiritual others;
• The need for self-actualization, achieving ones highest potential and sharing or "paying it forward" for altruistic reasons.

This summary of Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of basic and higher needs is often diagrammed as a pyramid, with the bottom of the pyramid reserved for basic needs and the apex of the pyramid representing the highest need, self actualization.

If you think about the many ways we fulfill these human needs, it becomes apparent that the reason we do most things is because we need to, no matter how altruistic and self-less our efforts appear to be. Some of us need a greater sense of empowerment while others don't need as much, but we all are in this world to fulfill the same needs at some point in our lives, and according to the society in which we live, the sooner we attend to fulfilling these needs, the better.

Needs are not wants. Because needs are physical, emotional or spiritual requirements, they are non-negotiable. When we want something, we can take it or leave it; However, needs must be met in some way. If we fail to understand the difference between wants and needs, we experience personal dissatisfaction, spiritual confusion, sadness or emotional chaos. Educational and religious institutions are on guard to keep us focused on achieving a sense of purpose in life, and having a purpose in life allows us to more easily fulfill our higher needs.

When I think of the lyrics to Janis Joplin's song, "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose," I am reminded that freedom is not a basic need nor is it required. So why do we value it so much, or do we? What need does "freedom" really fulfill? Is it simply a motivator that keeps us focused on a purpose in life? Which inspires you more, the idea of freedom or the idea of greatness? 

Part of getting better is having the courage to change.

When you feel ill and think there is no way to escape your physical or emotional suffering, it's easy to give up. If you don't admit that something is making you feel sick, you will become more so. It takes courage to change thoughts and habits.


If you think you might be destroying your happiness, see a physician. Before visiting a physician, discover how you really feel. Discover what you think about. Discover where you hurt. Try to learn whether your pain is physical, emotional, or both. Try to learn whether your feelings are created by people or by something else. You don't need to consciously focus on these statements. All you need to do is find a quiet place to sit down and write.


Free-write non-stop (making no corrections or erasures) for five minutes only, every day for two weeks.  As you express your thoughts and feelings, you will feel better. At the end of two weeks, read what you have written. As you take note of your writings, you will discover patterns of thought and behavior.  With two weeks of writing you can track your thoughts and feelings. If your thoughts are mostly negative, you might need to see your family doctor. If they are not, you can still uncover what is really bothering you and begin solving problems.


It takes courage to write, and it takes discipline to continue writing for two weeks, but patterns of thought and feelings tracked for at least two weeks are useful for self-discovery and for physicians when it comes to diagnosing problems and determining whether any treatment is needed. It's not easy to keep track of your thoughts, moods, responses, and physical symptoms, and it's especially difficult to remember them if you don't write them down. Writing is an act of courage, but once the process begins, it is an act of empowerment.

Janis Joplin reminds me that music and good memories never die, but sometimes they need to be recovered.

Never heard this version of the song. Janis Joplin - Summertime (Live -1969) https://youtu.be/bn5TNqjuHiU  via @YouTube

Music and good memories never die, but sometimes they need to be recovered. I used to listen to this song while I sat curled into a ball on the floor next to the radio or cross-legged in a gigantic armchair while reading a book of fairy tales. About once a month, I found myself at my grandmother's house waiting for my parents to come home after a night at the movies and secretly wondering if they had abandoned my sister, brother and me.

My grandmother's house was a large, two-story colonial mansion that had been painted pink. Inside, it was quaint and stuffed with antique furniture. Thick maroon-colored drapes hung from ceiling to floor, contrasting with the beige floral wall paper in the living and dining rooms. The couch was French provincial, upholstered in mint green velvet and it had a matching chair.  On the opposite side of the room was the big, maroon-colored arm-chair that looked modern at the time. The coffee table was pushed against the wall leading to a narrow hallway that led to bedrooms and stopped at the small bathroom, which was wall-papered in blue. The rug was light-colored, patterned and plush.

In the living area, the radio was placed against a wall midway between the living and dining rooms, and its cabinet was made of rich mahogany wood, or so my grandmother said, which is why she warned us against scratching it.  If you opened the door to the radio cabinet, there was a phonograph or record player, but no one listened to phonographs anymore--only on special occasions, and every time we visited was a special occasion.  The "Summertime" I remember my grandmother playing was sung by Sam Cooke and my grandmother said his record was a collector's item. 

With the drapery closed, the house seemed dusky and dark, and I wondered if my parents had abandoned me to this dungeon and the care of a strict grandmother, only about 4 1/2 feet tall with long, wispy hair and deep, meditative eyes. I was fearful of her, but it wouldn't have been polite to even whisper this.  I imagined if I looked into her eyes or allowed her to hug me too long, she might become the wicked witch in "Hansel and Gretel." I finally learned to trust that instead of eating us for lunch she would feed us a grilled ham and cheese and a slice of fresh-baked apple pie of which I could have a slice as large as I desired. Of course, I was taught that I shouldn't take more than I deserved, so I never requested more than one slice, though sometimes I wanted the entire pie.

When the doorbell rang and the door creaked open, I was always relieved to see my mother's face, her eyes smiling at me. It was like a miracle had happened and I wasn't abandoned after all. Now, I fondly recall feeling like a proper little lady whenever we visited, my sister and brother seated on the couch while I sat in the big arm-chair or curled up on the patterned rug listening to songs I don't remember and some that I do remember, like "Summertime." Now, reflecting back on that time, it is a precious memory.

Women are taking charge of their vacations and reaping the rewards.

According to reports, 72 to 80 percent of all travelers are women, 85 to 92 percent of travel decisions are made by women, and 32 million women traveled last year. Research indicates, women are making most of the travel decisions and they are becoming more "gutsy" when it comes to travel, especially solo travel.

The tradition has been for women to plan travel vacations with male partners or girlfriends, but women are becoming less dependent on fellow travelers. They are taking more solo vacations and they are reaping the rewards. On a solo vacation, a person can explore new places, learn new cultures, and try different cuisines--all on her own terms. With the time alone, she might find answers or might be able to solve a few more problems. With a little "quiet time" for introspection, a woman might discover ways to rekindle love or recharge a complacent, lackluster relationship. She might acquire a greater appreciation for who she is as she finds time for self-expression and discovery. Traveling alone is a perfect time for reflection or mindfulness--the act of focusing on the little things in one's natural surroundings--which allows the mind to relax.

With companionship, opportunities for becoming one with nature are limited as individuals traveling together take time to share perspectives, discuss events, and compromise on places to visit. Mindfulness meditation allows one to experience the natural world--the many colors, smells, sounds, tastes, shapes and textures; the pure, clean sound of absolutely nothing; the quiet undertones of an ocean roar; the chatter of people bargaining in a bustling marketplace. There is  nothing quite like the saltiness of an ocean breeze or the fresh scent of evergreens on a mountainside when one is alone and at peace with the universe. 

Social interaction is wonderful, and travel with family and loved ones is important, but the experience of traveling solo is incomparable. Traveling solo increases self-awareness and adds diversity to life. It can re-energize personal relationships, lift the spirit, and inspire one to live more in harmony with the natural environment and with themselves. Whether traveling with family, friends, or solo, women are changing the world of travel.They are taking charge of their time and vacations, and they are reaping the rewards.

See also: http://www.frommers.com/trip-ideas/single/pauline-frommers-spend-less-see-more-tips-for-solo-travelers

Surviving a day of the blues begins with a choice.

Surviving a day means changing your perspective, not for 1,000 days nor 1000 hours, but for 24 hours. It requires finding hopefulness instead of hopelessness one moment at a time until you have survived one day of angst, anxiety, or hopelessness. If you can find will-power (some call it courage) to live though a sad time, it begins with a choice to think differently.

 

To change your thinking, find a quiet place to sit and breathe deeply. Even if you're doing office work or managing the home, practice deep-breathing, focus on positive thoughts, and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. The master plan is to find ways to force yourself to think positive thoughts (past or present) one minute at a time, then ten minutes, then 30 minutes, and then 24 hours.  At any point during this time, monitor your thoughts and feelings. If you feel overly sad or emotional and incapable to achieving this, immediately call an anonymous hotline like 800-273-TALK to discuss thoughts and feelings, specific or general. Crisis counselors don't make judgments and don't give advice. Their purpose is to listen and provide resources by request. When you hang up the phone, find positive things to do and positive thoughts to ruminate on. Try not to isolate yourself. Just try.

 

 I learned as a child, "fake it until you make it." In other words, pretend you're happy, hopeful, and heavenly--even if you're not. Pretend you have something important to do like save the world, eat pancakes, or travel abroad. Pretend you are happy and that awful thing you experienced is not big enough, bad enough, or strong enough to keep you down and out. Remember and say to yourself, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger." With repetition and practice, you'll come to believe it.

 

After 9/11, I suffered a setback, which I accidentally overcame through writing. I did other things to force myself to think positive, things like baking a banana pudding (email for the recipe); things like talking on the phone to my mother; things like walking the streets of NYC watching beautiful and not so beautiful people doing what it takes to live that day.But something I did on purpose also helped me overcome periods of grief and sadness--planning for travel and making arrangements for travel destinations I could not afford. Yes, booking the hotel, locating flights without buying tickets, and reading about tourism in a particular country, city, or town created positive thoughts and generated positive feelings.  One of my favorite articles on traveling to other places is included below.

 

Surviving anything takes a plan, takes will-power, and takes courage to do the hard work of changing negative thought patterns. By any means necessary, find ways to think positive thoughts, and challenge those negative, self-defeating thoughts every time. Remember to stop and deep-breathe; call for help when you need to talk things out; and "fake it 'til you make it." mdhjohnson (2015)

Alienating children from a parent should be a criminal act.

Parental Alienation refers to damage in a relationship between a child and a parent, usually due to negative actions, behavior, or words planted by a hostile parent, especially after a divorce. It's difficult to watch a loving relationship between parent and child crumble into nothingness when no amount of discussion with the injured child can make a difference. Alienating a child from his/her parent is one of the worst forms of child abuse because it creates a lack of trust and causes emotional damage that continues into adulthood. 

 

When it comes to relationships between children and parents, the emotional stress can have detrimental effects because when coming from a two-parent family, children trust and rely on both parents, and when one parent is negated, the result can be confusion, loss of self-worth, and even self-blame. In most situations, the void left by an alienated parent speaks louder than words can express. Separation and divorce can be difficult enough without emotional ties to one parent being severed. 

 

No matter how subtle the actions of the hostile parent or how quietly negative feelings are expressed, children have a keen awareness of nonverbal communication, and they model what they see. As a result of exposure to damaging words and deeds, they either become co-conspirators and aggressors, or they become victims. If they participate in alienating a parent, they are bound to feel guilt or even, self-hatred. Alienating one parent leaves a child half-orphaned.

No matter how bad the marital relationship, exposing children to personal negative attitudes, verbal assaults, or malicious acts of hostility is detrimental to their health.  Wendy Archer, North Texas chapter manager of Parental Alienation Awareness Organization USA (PAAOUSA), a national nonprofit, shares insights about parental alienation (an excerpt):

1. Many experts call parental alienation “the worst form of child abuse.”

2. Alienated children and young adults often struggle with severe depression and thoughts of suicide. Sadly, many alienated children attempt suicide because of the unbearable pain and heartbreak they suffer.

3. Children understand that they are half of each parent. To make a child hate the other parent is to make a child feel that half of him is not worthy of love.

4. Alienating parents will often claim emphatically that a child or young adult “doesn't want a relationship with the other parent,” but formerly alienated children have confirmed that this is not true.

In my opinion, alienating children from a parent is a criminal act. The damage cannot be undone. When parents separate or divorce, they need to be aware that damage is being done when a parent is denigrated or alienated. Both parents must take responsibility for the emotional well-being of their children, despite personal feelings toward each other. If unable to do so, they need to seek counseling or find a support group in the local area.

Whether our decision-making is rational or emotional, very often, the emotional or intuitive response is the best response.

There are two mental processes that represent our thinking: the rational and the emotional mind. The rational thinking system is driven by detached observation, logic, assessment, and reasoning while the emotional thinking system is driven by an immediate feeling response, such as compassion. But which has the greatest influence on us?

Although we might think we're being influenced by only one type of thinking at any given time, studies show we are equally controlled by both. However, if problem-solving is too complex or information is incomplete, the rational mind becomes overworked and overwhelmed making it difficult to make decisions or solve problems. So when in doubt, our emotional brain takes charge and we make decisions based on emotional responses.

The emotional system enables us to respond quickly, even if it means trouble, while the rational system allows us to use logic and reason. The National Institutes of Health explains how complex our emotional system can be. Our emotional responses are immediate, but the rational thinking system causes us to step back and analyze the situation. When our two ways of responding are in balance, our emotional responses become more regulated and analytical.


A Toastmasters online resource provides the following explanation of how emotional and rational thinking processes work:

We are persuaded by reason, but we are moved by emotion. Several studies conclude that up to 90 percent of the decisions we make are based on emotion....

Emotional reactions and logical thinking go hand in hand when it comes to problem-solving, but when the problem requires too much rational thought, emotions win 90 percent of the time. This means, if there are too many factors involved or if the situation is too complicated, an emotional response will prevail over logical thinking. 

We need both types of thinking, rational and emotional, but we need to be aware of how the brain works when we are overwhelmed. If we trust the workings of our brain, very often, the emotional or intuitive response is the best response. 
           
(c) updated:  mhjohnson (2017)
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1201429/.
http://www.westsidetoastmasters.com. From "The Influence of Emotional Subject Matter on Logical Reading," Journal of General Psychology 34 (1946): 127-151.

Has Donald Trump read Machiavelli?

When I listen to the views of politicians and business tycoons posturing as politicians, I wonder what will happen to the state of education in America, not just for immigrants but for all of us. Education is more than a degree; it's a life-changing event when it's done right. Yet, no one wants to help fund it. Maybe education is too threatening? Maybe it gives too much power to citizens who just might rise up and demand quality education for everyone. The sense of powerlessness in American society is being expressed in a very interesting way: Donald Trump.

I loved being a freshman in college because it was not only about getting a degree; it was also about getting familiar with great minds in world history, literature, and science, knowing they were dead but were once young like us. I had the good fortune of being in southern California, known for having some of the best schools in the nation at the time. Even at a community college outside of L.A.,  I loved attending classes, listening to diverse opinions, and having an opportunity to express my own views in 20-page essays. I was fascinated by poetry, fiction, and philosophy. Unfortunately, the academic year was plagued by class cancellations due to some political protest, boycott, or supporters of some movement, but if I could revisit that year, I'd spend less time at the beach, less time riding in cars, less time at Griffith Park Zoo. I would  never miss a class.

I was especially fascinated by world literature. After reading, The Prince, I  wondered whether Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527) was hero or villain, but back then it didn't matter. What mattered was the freedom of expression.Today, freedom of expression is a Constitutional right which we rarely exercise, and when it comes to great leaders, it appears impolite and arrogant. But then there is Donald Trump, who clearly hopes to be considered a great leader. Of course he must have read Machiavelli's, The Prince. What successful business leader has not? According to Machiavelli, politics has a morality of its own, one based on strategic maneuvers, one in which the end justifies the means.

When it comes to political strategies, one takeaway from this book, published five centuries ago, has relevance today:

• A prince will also be well thought of when he is a true friend, or an honest enemy; that is, when, without any hedging, he takes a stand for one side against the other. It is always better to do this than to stand on one's neutrality; because if two of your powerful neighbors come to blows, they are either such people that you have to fear the winner or they are not.  In either case, it will be better for you to assert yourself and wage open war; because in the first case, when you do not take sides, you are bound to be the prey of the winner, to the pleasure and satisfaction of the loser (61-62).

Donald Trump has done it again, demanded attention in the media for bold statements that border on the confrontational and seem to portray blind ignorance. We are appalled by what appears to be blatant disrespect for cultural diversity. Yet, he is gaining momentum in the political arena. Could it be Machiavelli is right after all these years and Donald Trump is bold enough to follow his lead? 

Reference:
Machiavelli, Niccolo. The Prince, 2nd edition (1992, 1977). New York: WW. Norton & Company, Inc.
(c) mhjohnson (2015)

When you believe negative things about yourself, you lose self-confidence and want to alienate yourself from others. That's exactly what a bully wants.

Some of the nicest people are bullies--at least that's what they want people to believe, but behind the scenes, they terrorize.  Everyone seems to know them, respect them, and seek to be around them, but as my mother liked to say, "All that glitters is not gold."  Bullies have problems with their emotional mastery.  They are unable to manage their emotions, so they behave inappropriately toward others.

Ask yourself, is it appropriate to pick on those who seem less powerful than you?  Is it right to diminish someone's self-esteem and cause them to lose confidence in themselves?  What ordinary, normal person would lose themselves in such negative behavior as bullying, which is based on hurting rather than helping someone.

 

The National Association of Secondary School Principals provides a list of resources along with definitions for the word, "bullying" (listed below). But it does not list this:  If you feel diminished, undermined, afraid, ashamed, belittled, or harassed by someone, that individual is a bully, no matter how invisible their actions happen to be, no matter how subtle their actions, and no matter what teachers, preachers, friends and neighbors say.

 

There is help when you need to stop a bully. You have support from various sources, and you are not alone. If you feel bullied by someone, start keeping track of incidents and start building a network of people to support and stand by you when you feel strong enough to report the bully.

 

Bullies hope to isolate you from others, and the best way to do this is to destroy your self-esteem so you don't feel worthy of friends or think you deserve the abuse.  Bullies are masters at getting others to follow them and join in the bullying tactics against you.  The supporters might not realize they are participants, but a bully requires teamwork. Through threats, intimidation, or rewards a bully gets others to act on their behalf or help in ostracizing you.

 

Be aware of people who pretend to be part of your support group but are working on behalf of a bully to find your weaknesses and share this information with the bully.The best way to protect yourself against a bully is to have a strong sense of who you are.  If you lack confidence in who you are, you can build it. Join a group, volunteer, and discover who you are.  Accept your strengths as well as your weaknesses, and don't take yourself too seriously. 

 

When you believe negative things about yourself, you lose self-confidence and want to alienate yourself from others. That's exactly what a bully wants, so keep records of what happens and get help. Don't make bullies happier than they deserve to be.

(c)2015 M.D. Johnson

 

Definitions of Bullying 

From: www.nassp.org Knowledge Center.

 

Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.org)
"Bullying is a form of abuse. It comprises repeated acts over time that involves a real or perceived imbalance of power with the more powerful individual or group abusing those who are less powerful. The power imbalance may be social power and/or physical power..." More information

 

 

Princeton University WordNet (http://wordnet.princeton.edu)
"The act of intimidating a weaker person to make them do something blustery: noisily domineering; tending to browbeat others." More information

 

 

National School Safety Center (www.schoolsafety.us)
"Bullying is a form of violence that hurts others. School bullying happens at school or during school-sponsored activities when a student or group of students intentionally and repeatedly uses their power to hurt other individuals or groups. Bullies’ power can come from their physical strength, age, financial status, popularity, social status, technology skills, or by association (the people they know, who they hang out with, who their family is)." More information and fact sheets

 

 

Bully OnLine (www.bullyonline.org)
This website gives information on "types of bullying, bullying tactics, how targets are selected, the difference between bullying and harassment and an answer to the question 'Why me?'" More information

 

 

Oklahoma Parents Center (www.oklahomaparentscenter.org)
"Bullying includes behaviors and actions that are verbal, physical and/or anti-social, such as exclusion, gossip and non-verbal body language. It can occur at school or in transit between school and home."

 

 

Queensland (Australia) Government (www.business.qld.gov.au)
"Workplace bullying is the 'repeated less favorable treatment of a person by another or others, which may be considered unreasonable and inappropriate workplace practice'. Workplace bullying is behavior that can intimidate, offend, degrade or humiliate an employee."

 

 

CoachesColleague.com (www.coachescolleague.com)
"Deliberate action or behaviour directed towards another person which may take many forms and can often occur over a long period of time." More information

 

 

Virginia Legislature
Proposed language from Delegate Adam P. Ebbin (D-Alexandria) in the Virginia Legislature, January 2011: “Recklessly or intentionally endangering the health or safety of a student by exposing the student repeatedly, and over time, to physical aggression or intimidation, whether through direct physical contact or through the use of information or communication technology, resulting in bodily injury or other harm to person or property.”

According to recent studies, girls are more affected by divorce than boys.

"Endangered species" is a term that could also be used for describing some girls. Recent 

studies show, girls are more affected by divorce than boys, and when the father is not actively 

involved in her life, a girl is likely to suffer emotional damage that could last into adulthood. It 

doesn't matter why the divorce happened. If a father is active in a girl's life, she adjusts more 

easily and lives a happier, more fulfilling life.

Whereas the "endangered black male" has always been a topic of discussion, no similar discussion has been generated around the topic of females. It takes a male role model for males to follow, but daughters need fathers in a different way, perhaps to teach them how to relate to males. 

According to studies, for many reasons, daughters are more affected by a divorce than sons. The following statement is an excerpt from the book, Father-Daughter Relationships-Contemporary Research and issues, by Linda Nielsen (2012):

"Overall then, the differences between daughters with divorced

or married parents are relatively small, if their socioeconomic

levels are similar. Still, daughters of divorced parents are more likely 

to develop academic, behavioral, or emotional problems than

those with married parents. More important still, the one aspect

of a daughter’s life that is almost always damaged by the divorce is

her relationship with her father. Moreover, her relationship is usu-

ally more damaged than the son’s. So regardless of how successful

or well adapted she may be in other areas of her life, the daughter

generally pays this ongoing price for her parents’ divorce: a weak-

ened or severed relationship with her father."

Linda Nielsen asks a few questions regarding father-daughter relationships: How do you rate as a father? How does your own father rate?

I know women and girls who have been negatively affected by divorce, but I also know those who have thrived despite emotional setbacks caused by a divorce. Linda Nielsen seems to be saying, how well a girl adjusts mostly depends on her involvement with her father.
(c)M.D.Johnson (2015)
 
**I know a good read when I see one. I am not acquainted with anyone involving any aspect of this book, but excerpts even from its introduction or from discussions about this book are informative and helpful. Access my entire discussion via mhjohnson at Emomastery on Facebook. I look forward to seeing you there!

"Bullied little girl in the photograph hanging on the wall...."

Bullied little girl in the photograph

Bullied little girl in the photograph

Hanging on the wall

You have fought some battles

Although you're very small.

You have lost some fights

But you have won some, too.

I remember being bullied

When I was small like you.

When others push and terrify

Or cyber-bully you,

Just stay strong and tell someone.

It's the first thing you should do.

A bully or someone who hurts

Is feeling scared inside

And hopes to feel much better

Stealing someone else's pride.

If you tell someone that you can trust

What you've been going through,

It might not save just only you--

It might save the bully, too.

                                                                  (c) mdjohnson (2015)

Listen to your emotions --and watch Whiteboard Videos - PTSD: National Center for PTSD.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is described by the National Institute of Mental Health as a "debilitating condition that can occur after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened." Untreated PTSD can co-occur with other emotional or physical illnesses like depression or heart disease, but it can also lead to such invisible illnesses. Knowing the symptoms is the first step toward recognizing and treating two invisible illnesses: PTSD and depression.

Emotional competence includes the ability to cope with extremely traumatic events, but there is no way to know one's ability to cope until faced with emotionally devastating circumstances. After a traumatic event or  negative events that take an emotional toll over time, there is no way to anticipate who will develop symptoms of PTSD or depression, but according to studies, these two emotional disorders are linked. Statistics indicate, more than 40 percent of patients with PTSD also had depression "when evaluated both at one month and four months following the traumatic event"
http://www.rightdiagnosis.com/artic/depression_research_nimh.htm. 
Unless the symptoms of PTSD and depression are recognized, they can persist for years. Without treatment or some type of intervention, these emotional illnesses can have tragic consequences.

Emotional illnesses like PTSD and depression are often described as "invisible illnesses" because their symptoms are relatively unknown, confused with other illnesses, or hidden by sufferers due to fear of stigma, job loss, or discrimination. But more and more, people are learning to recognize the symptoms in themselves and others, and they are daring to seek and accept intervention or treatment.

Yet, there are many people who still do not recognize symptoms of PTSD or depression. They are confused by their symptoms, don't stop to track negative thoughts, and don't keep a record of their behavior and emotions. The longer their symptoms remain untreated, the greater the risk of suicide. Keeping a written journal of thoughts and feelings covering a period of two weeks to three months will provide a record of feelings and behaviors that allow medical professionals to determine frequency and levels of anxiety or patterns of negative thinking which will provide the basis for a correct evaluation and diagnosis.

Feeling overwhelmed by anxiety or other negative emotions is not a normal reaction to the stresses of daily life. Such feelings are signals that some event or traumatic situation has exceeded one's ability to cope. Emotional disorders are highly treatable but dangerous to ignore. Being proactive in identifying and addressing symptoms of PTSD or depression could be a matter of life or death.
(c) MDJohnson (2015)

Whiteboard Videos - PTSD: National Center for PTSD