When you believe negative things about yourself, you lose self-confidence and want to alienate yourself from others. That's exactly what a bully wants.

Some of the nicest people are bullies--at least that's what they want people to believe, but behind the scenes, they terrorize.  Everyone seems to know them, respect them, and seek to be around them, but as my mother liked to say, "All that glitters is not gold."  Bullies have problems with their emotional mastery.  They are unable to manage their emotions, so they behave inappropriately toward others.

Ask yourself, is it appropriate to pick on those who seem less powerful than you?  Is it right to diminish someone's self-esteem and cause them to lose confidence in themselves?  What ordinary, normal person would lose themselves in such negative behavior as bullying, which is based on hurting rather than helping someone.

 

The National Association of Secondary School Principals provides a list of resources along with definitions for the word, "bullying" (listed below). But it does not list this:  If you feel diminished, undermined, afraid, ashamed, belittled, or harassed by someone, that individual is a bully, no matter how invisible their actions happen to be, no matter how subtle their actions, and no matter what teachers, preachers, friends and neighbors say.

 

There is help when you need to stop a bully. You have support from various sources, and you are not alone. If you feel bullied by someone, start keeping track of incidents and start building a network of people to support and stand by you when you feel strong enough to report the bully.

 

Bullies hope to isolate you from others, and the best way to do this is to destroy your self-esteem so you don't feel worthy of friends or think you deserve the abuse.  Bullies are masters at getting others to follow them and join in the bullying tactics against you.  The supporters might not realize they are participants, but a bully requires teamwork. Through threats, intimidation, or rewards a bully gets others to act on their behalf or help in ostracizing you.

 

Be aware of people who pretend to be part of your support group but are working on behalf of a bully to find your weaknesses and share this information with the bully.The best way to protect yourself against a bully is to have a strong sense of who you are.  If you lack confidence in who you are, you can build it. Join a group, volunteer, and discover who you are.  Accept your strengths as well as your weaknesses, and don't take yourself too seriously. 

 

When you believe negative things about yourself, you lose self-confidence and want to alienate yourself from others. That's exactly what a bully wants, so keep records of what happens and get help. Don't make bullies happier than they deserve to be.

(c)2015 M.D. Johnson

 

Definitions of Bullying 

From: www.nassp.org Knowledge Center.

 

Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.org)
"Bullying is a form of abuse. It comprises repeated acts over time that involves a real or perceived imbalance of power with the more powerful individual or group abusing those who are less powerful. The power imbalance may be social power and/or physical power..." More information

 

 

Princeton University WordNet (http://wordnet.princeton.edu)
"The act of intimidating a weaker person to make them do something blustery: noisily domineering; tending to browbeat others." More information

 

 

National School Safety Center (www.schoolsafety.us)
"Bullying is a form of violence that hurts others. School bullying happens at school or during school-sponsored activities when a student or group of students intentionally and repeatedly uses their power to hurt other individuals or groups. Bullies’ power can come from their physical strength, age, financial status, popularity, social status, technology skills, or by association (the people they know, who they hang out with, who their family is)." More information and fact sheets

 

 

Bully OnLine (www.bullyonline.org)
This website gives information on "types of bullying, bullying tactics, how targets are selected, the difference between bullying and harassment and an answer to the question 'Why me?'" More information

 

 

Oklahoma Parents Center (www.oklahomaparentscenter.org)
"Bullying includes behaviors and actions that are verbal, physical and/or anti-social, such as exclusion, gossip and non-verbal body language. It can occur at school or in transit between school and home."

 

 

Queensland (Australia) Government (www.business.qld.gov.au)
"Workplace bullying is the 'repeated less favorable treatment of a person by another or others, which may be considered unreasonable and inappropriate workplace practice'. Workplace bullying is behavior that can intimidate, offend, degrade or humiliate an employee."

 

 

CoachesColleague.com (www.coachescolleague.com)
"Deliberate action or behaviour directed towards another person which may take many forms and can often occur over a long period of time." More information

 

 

Virginia Legislature
Proposed language from Delegate Adam P. Ebbin (D-Alexandria) in the Virginia Legislature, January 2011: “Recklessly or intentionally endangering the health or safety of a student by exposing the student repeatedly, and over time, to physical aggression or intimidation, whether through direct physical contact or through the use of information or communication technology, resulting in bodily injury or other harm to person or property.”