It's been said, positive memories fuel happiness. Do you agree?

Starting a discussion:

 

I'm not one to give up when I think something is important, worth repeating, or inspiring, so I continue to share what I learn, but I'd like to know your thoughts as well. What advice would you give to those who face negative feelings day to day? What are some of your best tactics for turning an otherwise tragic or horrible day into a positive memory that you  can reach for when surrounded by negativity or sadness? It's been said, positive memories fuel happiness. Do your experiences support this opinion?

 

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The focus of this blog continues to be emotional strength-building through writing and self-expression, but the focus will be changing to some extent. In the future, when I blog (about once a week),  I will sometimes offer writing prompts to encourage self-expression and reflection. I will continue sharing stories of survival, asking questions, and offering what I have learned but I will also be relying on you to share ideas on this blog site or privately via email (published only at your request). If you would like a response to your writing, I am also qualified and able to offer a free and confidential response by request at http://www.emomastery.com. 

Hide or die? -   II

When faced with emotional challenges, many people hide their symptoms, mask their emotions, or choose prescription drugs and other "quick-fix" solutions, but self-medicating practices do not address the underlying emotional stress. Psychologists agree, emotions must be expressed, and talk therapy is best. However, writing/reflection is another way to express thoughts and feelings and come out of hiding.

Emotional turmoil and unexpressed emotions can fuel negative thoughts that lead to emotional disorders like PTSD and depression. Emotional disorders are caused by a combination of factors interacting together and they rarely disappear on their own, so some type of intervention is usually necessary. Keeping a journal of thoughts and feelings provides valuable information for determining symptoms and treatment, but the act of writing also allows for self-expression and emotional strength-building.The purpose of this blog is to provide a space for sharing thoughts and information about how to overcome negativity and build emotional competence. 

 

The focus of this blog continues to be emotional strength-building through writing and discussion, but the focus will be changing to some extent. In the future, when I blog (about once a week),  I will sometimes offer writing prompts to encourage self-expression and reflection. I will continue sharing stories of survival, asking questions, and relying on you to share ideas on this site or via email. By your request, I am also able to provide confidential commentary on your writings at http://www.emomastery.com. 

 

Thanks for following this blog site! Feel free to explore this site and reread any earlier entries. If you so desire, please share your thoughts on any present or prior blog post or topic and let me know if you would like your commentary publicized. I offer commentary via email and will publicize your commentary ONLY by your request. Your privacy is assured. I also look forward to hearing about challenges you faced and overcame or have yet to overcome.

About me: Unless otherwise indicated, all entries on this blog site are authored by Emme H. Johnson.  For the sake of your privacy, I only follow your blogs if you follow mine. I am a poet/writer, workshop developer,  licensed secondary education teacher, and prior college instructor with more than 20 years full-time teaching experience. I am certified in emotional intelligence learning systems. More important, I am a survivor of post-traumatic-stress disorder (PTSD). I once thought 9/11 would be the end of all joy and happiness, but despite our tremendous loss, it became a new place to begin.

 

For more information, you can send me a private email via http://www.emomastery.com. Leave a phone number if you wish to be phoned. I look forward to hearing from you. Follow me @emomastery or @survivingaday. Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for following!

Emme H. Johnson

 

Emotional Disorders: Would you rather hide or die?

 I. Hide or die?

Because I faced and overcame emotional trauma after 9/11, I started this blog to encourage writing and discussion about emotional disorders, hoping to exchange information about how to face and overcome emotional trauma. I was relying on your input as well as my own, but from my observation, the topic is still taboo. Edward Snowden's release of documents proving constant government surveillance and eavesdropping also didn't help. But would you rather hide or die?

Recognizing symptoms is the first step to treating an emotional disorder, but there appears to be resistance and general distrust when it comes to seeking intervention or treatment. Likewise, there appears to be a reluctance in offering personal opinions, telling stories, or sharing experiences. While this is understood, it doesn't help solve the problem plaguing our world. Emotional disorders are the number one cause of disability world wide. Yet, they are the most treatable, whether through mental health practitioners or through self-help techniques.

Emotional and anxiety disorders are nobody's fault, but they remain the leading cause of disability world wide. They are called "invisible" illnesses because they are still misunderstood, undermined or negated. Due to fear of being ostracized, discovered by medical insurers, losing a job or being blamed, far too many people are opting to find "quick-fix" solutions to emotional and anxiety problems.  Instead of seeing a mental health professional or finding scientifically researched ways to treat anxiety and depression, they are self-medicating and endangering the lives of self and others. Far too many communities are plagued by crime and acts of violence due to substance abuse, but the longer emotional disorders remain untreated, the greater the risk of tragic events, including suicide.

Emotional disorders like PTSD and depression are described as "invisible" illnesses because their symptoms are not easily recognized. Symptoms are often confused with those of other illnesses, downplayed, or hidden by sufferers themselves. To clarify or determine the extent of negative thoughts and feelings, it is important to keep a record of emotions and responses for a period of two weeks. 

Writing and reflecting at the end of the day is a perfect way to keep a record of emotions, and if negative thoughts and sad feelings persist for two weeks, seeing a mental health professional or using self-help techniques might be the next step.  Emotional disorders are invisible only if we allow it, but recognizing symptoms is an important first step.

Emme H. Johnson



http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/40-shot-5-killed-spate-weekend-violence-chicago-n90826

We don't just grieve over people. If feelings of grief seem to linger, seek professional advice.

When I think of grief, I think of deep sorrow or loss. Grief is different for different individuals, and its intensity differs from individual to individual. What seems minor to one individual could be emotionally devastating to another. The common denominator in identifying grief is an overwhelming sense of loss. When it comes to coping with grief, there is no one size that fits all, but it is important to ask questions and address emotions if we feel sad after losing something or someone. 

We don't just mourn or grieve for people; we mourn the loss of pets or intangibles: losing a way of life, losing money, losing innocence, to name a few. Because grief begets sadness and creates the need to express feelings, grief is one way that we cope with loss. Studies indicate, our brains are programmed to focus on negativity, so some negative feelings are expected after a loss. However, excessive grief is not normal, and if self-expression through writing or talking to friends and family does not work, it might be important to seek professional counseling.

Mourning is a topic rarely addressed but it underlies so many actions and forms of behavior. Grieving is unlike other feelings; it reflects indescribable emotional injury that affects our thoughts and feelings until it is reckoned with. To come to terms with loss, we grieve or mourn. In mourning, we identify the source of loss and express our sad feelings. Feelings of loss are not negotiable, and unless these feelings are expressed and acknowledged, our individual occasions of grief can affect us for years, even leading to drug and alcohol abuse, domestic abuse or  emotional disorders like depression

Because emotions must be expressed, it's a good idea to find ways to get feelings out in the open where they can be accepted, analyzed and dealt with. No matter what caused the occasion to grieve, feelings are real, and the more negative the feelings, the longer they remain in our emotional system and affect our emotional well-being. 

Studies reveal, we are much more attracted to negative thoughts, and negative experiences remain with us for longer periods of time. So a good defense against unreconciled  feelings of loss is self-expression which allows us to uncover hidden sources of grief. There is a normal grieving period which differs for each of us, but if feelings of grief seem to linger, it's important to seek professional advice. - Emme H. Johnson

Note: This blog will be updated again after 4/19/2014 due to mandatory updates to Windows XP operating system. - Emme H. Johnson

Silence is NOT golden. - Emme H. Johnson

I grew up in a family of ten children and a single mother who taught lessons in songs, poetry, parables or ultimately a good swat on the backside. But I responded best to the parables. Maybe that's why I love slogans. But  the phrase, "If you see something, say something," should be more than a slogan. 

In American society, we are fond of lies, secrets and silence. As a result, women and men are bullied and abused every day.  Harassment, bullying or abuse has no color, creed, race, ethnicity, or gender. It's an equal opportunity form of inhumanity that the world seems to ignore because all too often, it happens to women or others who lack power, and the perpetrators happen to be those in high ranking or highly-respected positions.

We are taught that "Silence is golden," but all too often often, it is not. Why do we continue saying this? Who are we protecting by keeping silent? It's one of those phrases so many of us live by, just like the phrase, "Turn the other cheek." Which cheek and how many should we turn, but who's counting? Our preference for silence is acknowledged in phrases like, "If you can't say something good, don't say anything at all." To encourage silence, for example, "whistle-blowers" are not seen as heroic, and exposing enemies within the ranks is highly discouraged.

From life lessons, I have learned that emotions must be expressed and perpetrators must be exposed and stopped. Slogans keep us imprisoned by shame, embarrassment, fear of retaliation or job loss, fear of rejection, or fear of sudden change. I remember being told to keep quiet about a sexually harassing situation or I might lose my job. At age sixteen, I needed that summer job, so I smiled and kept quiet about someone's hand on my knee or inappropriate office meetings and unwanted invitations. When I grew older and faced workplace bullying from peers, I was told to take the high road and turn the other cheek or "forgive and forget." 

"What would Jesus do?" I asked myself when faced with adversity, but I really had no idea because I had only heard "acceptable" Jesus stories. Out of frustration, I consulted an elder role model who simply suggested I put the past behind me and move on. When I was molested by someone I knew and trusted, I decided to keep quiet and put the past behind me because who in the world would ever believe little old diminished me?

That's what happens when you keep quiet or turn the other cheek. You lose self esteem, feel diminished, and decide you have few options. Once this happens, you mistrust your instincts and believe what you've been told. You might even think it was somehow your fault. When abuse or harassment happens, it's your word against theirs, or so you might think. But it is not the truth. No one should be subjected to such inhumanity.

A good defense against negative treatment begins with high self-esteem and a good network of support. Building a network of support builds self-worth and confidence. Selecting people you can trust begins with watching, listening, and following instincts. Maybe you feel you can't trust anyone, but  it's important to be brave and find support by joining some organization, even outside of the establishment where the harassment is taking place. Believe in yourself and your ability to build connections. Once you find someone you can trust, little by little, let the truth be told. 

When it comes to being harassed, bullied or abused, silence is not golden. So if you see something, find a way to say something. It's not only the right thing to do, it's the only thing to do, one step at a time.

Self-discovery requires soul-searchng, but it doesn't have to hurt.

Self-discovery requires soul-searching, but it doesn't have to hurt. Generally, we are forced to discover our strengths and weakness because in some area of our lives, we have derailed and suddenly find ourselves unable to adequately solve problems or respond appropriately to factors in our environment. Often, being derailed begins with extreme levels of stress which lead to the inability to manage our lives. Being derailed usually indicates a need to build emotional competence, and writing is a good place to begin.

 

People who are emotionally competent can weather the emotional snowstorms without becoming overwhelmed or stumbling through snowdrifts, but all of us are not provided opportunities to become emotionally competent. Instead of solving problems and managing our stress, we flounder, behave inappropriately, and suffer from feelings of guilt or inadequacy. Feelings of inadequacy or guilt create a need to escape, and many of us do, through self-medication, over-eating, or various forms of acting out. We don't know how we got in such a situation and we don't know how to get out, but it's important that we find our way out before an emotional disorder strikes.

 

When feeling confused, we can always write it out, talk it out or act it out, but the best way I know to get in touch with ourselves is by writing it out, allowing emotions to surface without negating them, correcting them or being ashamed of them and without persecuting ourselves. After three to five minutes of writing, stressful feelings disappear, at least for a while. After taking a deep breath and sitting for a moment, the writing can be read and reviewed to see if any hidden emotions are revealed. If any negative emotions are discovered, they can be questioned, negated, and exchanged for more positive ones, one day and one writing at a time.

 

Writing is therapeutic because it makes no judgments or demands, and it allows us to express feelings. Experts say that emotions must be expressed, and they will be expressed by "acting out" or "acting in." The exercise of writing for three to five minutes at the end of the day or week, without stopping to make corrections and without worrying about grammar or who is listening, is an act of liberation, freeing us from that little voice in our heads that sings, "You're no good, you're no good, you're no good, Baby, you're no good." Not only is writing relaxing, writing is also a learning experience, providing self-knowledge and helping us understand who we are.

 

Self-discovery means getting acquainted with ourselves, understanding our fears, fantasies and moral values, and accepting ourselves. This builds emotional competence. We are a combination of many influences and sometimes it is difficult to know who we are, given the stresses we face day to day. Unlike speaking, writing provides opportunities for exploring emotions without having someone witness the process. It offers opportunities for self-knowledge and provides tools to see where we are and where we want to be. Just write and see.

There's a time to shake cobwebs and a time to empathize.

I watch while a loved one sinks deeper into isolation and negativity because of past and present hostilities buried in “unforgiveness.” I miss talking and sharing events in our lives, and sometimes, I want to shake the cobwebs loose, knock on her forehead and ask, “Is anybody home, anymore?” But there is a time to shake cobwebs and a time to empathize.

  I have decided to live and let live but more important, try to empathize. What else is there to do when someone blames others while refusing to accept any personal responsibility, including being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Normally, I’d try to intervene, but I have learned that listening and finding empathy is best. Empathy is not easy to accomplish, but it’s the best beginning place that I know.

  There are always two sides to every story, but empathy only involves listening and trying to understand the story being told or the motives of the person telling it in “real time.” This is not a time to offer advice; it’s a time to step into the heart and soul of someone else, “walk a mile in [their] shoes,” and try to experience what they feel.

 

  As a professor of mine once said, “The problem with advice is someone might take it" (G. Nkondo). Stepping in to offer assistance and advice without a warrant is risky business. It’s much easier to listen and try to empathize. Regarding my loved one, the matter is resolved. After much thought, I have decided to keep quiet and keep trying to walk that mile toward empathy.