Self-discovery requires soul-searchng, but it doesn't have to hurt.

Self-discovery requires soul-searching, but it doesn't have to hurt. Generally, we are forced to discover our strengths and weakness because in some area of our lives, we have derailed and suddenly find ourselves unable to adequately solve problems or respond appropriately to factors in our environment. Often, being derailed begins with extreme levels of stress which lead to the inability to manage our lives. Being derailed usually indicates a need to build emotional competence, and writing is a good place to begin.

 

People who are emotionally competent can weather the emotional snowstorms without becoming overwhelmed or stumbling through snowdrifts, but all of us are not provided opportunities to become emotionally competent. Instead of solving problems and managing our stress, we flounder, behave inappropriately, and suffer from feelings of guilt or inadequacy. Feelings of inadequacy or guilt create a need to escape, and many of us do, through self-medication, over-eating, or various forms of acting out. We don't know how we got in such a situation and we don't know how to get out, but it's important that we find our way out before an emotional disorder strikes.

 

When feeling confused, we can always write it out, talk it out or act it out, but the best way I know to get in touch with ourselves is by writing it out, allowing emotions to surface without negating them, correcting them or being ashamed of them and without persecuting ourselves. After three to five minutes of writing, stressful feelings disappear, at least for a while. After taking a deep breath and sitting for a moment, the writing can be read and reviewed to see if any hidden emotions are revealed. If any negative emotions are discovered, they can be questioned, negated, and exchanged for more positive ones, one day and one writing at a time.

 

Writing is therapeutic because it makes no judgments or demands, and it allows us to express feelings. Experts say that emotions must be expressed, and they will be expressed by "acting out" or "acting in." The exercise of writing for three to five minutes at the end of the day or week, without stopping to make corrections and without worrying about grammar or who is listening, is an act of liberation, freeing us from that little voice in our heads that sings, "You're no good, you're no good, you're no good, Baby, you're no good." Not only is writing relaxing, writing is also a learning experience, providing self-knowledge and helping us understand who we are.

 

Self-discovery means getting acquainted with ourselves, understanding our fears, fantasies and moral values, and accepting ourselves. This builds emotional competence. We are a combination of many influences and sometimes it is difficult to know who we are, given the stresses we face day to day. Unlike speaking, writing provides opportunities for exploring emotions without having someone witness the process. It offers opportunities for self-knowledge and provides tools to see where we are and where we want to be. Just write and see.