I grew up in a family of ten children and a single mother who taught lessons in songs, poetry, parables or ultimately a good swat on the backside. But I responded best to the parables. Maybe that's why I love slogans. But the phrase, "If you see something, say something," should be more than a slogan.
In American society, we are fond of lies, secrets and silence. As a result, women and men are bullied and abused every day. Harassment, bullying or abuse has no color, creed, race, ethnicity, or gender. It's an equal opportunity form of inhumanity that the world seems to ignore because all too often, it happens to women or others who lack power, and the perpetrators happen to be those in high ranking or highly-respected positions.
We are taught that "Silence is golden," but all too often often, it is not. Why do we continue saying this? Who are we protecting by keeping silent? It's one of those phrases so many of us live by, just like the phrase, "Turn the other cheek." Which cheek and how many should we turn, but who's counting? Our preference for silence is acknowledged in phrases like, "If you can't say something good, don't say anything at all." To encourage silence, for example, "whistle-blowers" are not seen as heroic, and exposing enemies within the ranks is highly discouraged.
From life lessons, I have learned that emotions must be expressed and perpetrators must be exposed and stopped. Slogans keep us imprisoned by shame, embarrassment, fear of retaliation or job loss, fear of rejection, or fear of sudden change. I remember being told to keep quiet about a sexually harassing situation or I might lose my job. At age sixteen, I needed that summer job, so I smiled and kept quiet about someone's hand on my knee or inappropriate office meetings and unwanted invitations. When I grew older and faced workplace bullying from peers, I was told to take the high road and turn the other cheek or "forgive and forget."
"What would Jesus do?" I asked myself when faced with adversity, but I really had no idea because I had only heard "acceptable" Jesus stories. Out of frustration, I consulted an elder role model who simply suggested I put the past behind me and move on. When I was molested by someone I knew and trusted, I decided to keep quiet and put the past behind me because who in the world would ever believe little old diminished me?
That's what happens when you keep quiet or turn the other cheek. You lose self esteem, feel diminished, and decide you have few options. Once this happens, you mistrust your instincts and believe what you've been told. You might even think it was somehow your fault. When abuse or harassment happens, it's your word against theirs, or so you might think. But it is not the truth. No one should be subjected to such inhumanity.
A good defense against negative treatment begins with high self-esteem and a good network of support. Building a network of support builds self-worth and confidence. Selecting people you can trust begins with watching, listening, and following instincts. Maybe you feel you can't trust anyone, but it's important to be brave and find support by joining some organization, even outside of the establishment where the harassment is taking place. Believe in yourself and your ability to build connections. Once you find someone you can trust, little by little, let the truth be told.
When it comes to being harassed, bullied or abused, silence is not golden. So if you see something, find a way to say something. It's not only the right thing to do, it's the only thing to do, one step at a time.
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