The Best Mentoring Relationships Require Reciprocity

Sometimes, it takes more than courage to accomplish a goal because achievement often depends on the help of others. In this case, it’s important to find a mentor or someone who knows more than you do about the subject matter but also one who has accomplished enough to want to help you become the best you can be. Such people are rare, so it takes research and effort to find them and to request their help. It also is important to know what you have to offer in order to build a mentoring relationship based on reciprocity.

Mentoring is not charity; it's a relationship built on mutual trust and personal gain for both parties. When researching and identifying possible mentors, it's important to have a good sense of who you are, what exactly you need from this mentor, and what you have to give. Most mentors volunteer their services, but they expect spiritual or emotional rewards that come with helping someone who is worthy of their commitment and who sincerely respects their time and effort. For example, the other day, my sister sat down to talk with a public official in her town to identify a possible mentor. During their conversation, my sister learned they shared a common interest--health and healthy food choices. The public official became very enthusiastic about mentoring my sister because she wanted to learn more about organic foods, and my sister needed support in a few professional endeavors. The relationship is now based on a sense of reciprocity (mutual or cooperative interchange of favors or privileges).

The trick to finding help when you need it lies not in knowing who can help but knowing what you also have to offer, even if it’s a hobby, friendship, office assistance or simple respect for the mentor. Whether you know it or not, most everyone has something of value to share—even if it’s just information on how to change a flat tire. It's important to enter any relationship knowing that you have value and you are also willing to share your value, even if it means offering help to a third party because someone helped you. The best mentoring relationships are reciprocal. Knowing and offering what you have strengthens that relationship.