When making a change, it's important to realize bad habits are like addictions--

It takes hard work and consistency to break old habits and learn something new. This is difficult to manage because most of us like to keep things simple, easy and painlessly delicious. But as they always say, "No pain, no gain."

In the process of changing, go easy on yourself and don't keep company with things you can't resist. When the going gets tough, remind yourself to follow 

a few rules:

• Anything worth achieving takes commitment, practice and patience, so start with a change in attitude.

• It takes an average of 66 days to learn something new, so keep this in mind when trying to make improvements. 

• Changing habits means changing the routine. This includes finding new places to hang out and new people to hang out with.  Changing old habits is mostly about breaking the routine that leads to bad practices and choices.

• Keep balanced. Don't try too hard or not hard enough and you avoid the "see-saw" effect of mood swings, self-resentment, insecurity about the progress being made and ultimately self-sabotage, which ruins everything.

•  If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, get up and do something about it.  Don't just sit there and by all means, do not reach for "quick-fix" solutions because they numb the control centers in your brain, making it easy to give up.

• Find someone to call when you feel tempted because if you're trying to change habits, one temptation can lead to destruction of an entire plan of action no matter how long you followed the regimen.

When making a change, it's important to realize bad habits are like addictions--making the same choices knowing they are detrimental to your health. Acquiring new habits requires the same discipline, course of action and network of support for when the going gets rough.

Chapter 1: "He was a moon child born of radiance, ephemeral, and beautiful."

He was a moon child born of radiance, ephemeral,and beautiful. The moon was bold and bodacious, hurling silver beams across the sky the night he was born and then sifting into his mother's hospital bed to kiss the newborn's cheek. But something quiet and subtle had happened, and unbeknown to his mother, drenched in sweat and exhausted after 16 hours of labor, he wasn't allowed to breathe.

Escaping the birth canal, he was given no incentive to cry. No slap on the ass like other babies get and no encouragement to scream out a name, so not hearing its voice, the confused mother didn't bond with the tiny thing, and she couldn't decide on a name, so she asked the nurse, "Could you name him for me?" But there was another problem: doctors couldn't determine if it was a precious baby girl or a bouncing baby boy. So the nurse named him Vulcanne when she spied the pointy ears.

He grew up between skyscrapers and a crooked street off the beaten path. Locating it must have been a challenge because no one visited and no strangers ever appeared at the door. Sometimes he played on a pallet on the back screened-in porch adjacent to the kitchen where his mother stood preparing bottles of milk or cooking something good. 

In the wooded backyard, there were rabbits, squirrels, and sometimes a snake, but he never flinched or cried. They seemed to see he was watching, but they kept foraging for food. If a dog was heard barking in the distance, the animals would run, birds would fly away, and Vulcanne would escape into the kitchen, grab his mother by the hand or bury his face in her skirt.

In the afternoons after a nap, sometimes, he talked to his mother about boots, two pairs of crooked, muddy boots left out on the front porch to dry. He hated seeing the crumbling chips of dirt and mud lying next to the exhausted footwear--laid to the side, the tongues hanging, shoe laces stretched out to dry, like tentacles. He hated the black streaks left when they were taken away and thrown to the floor of his father's lazy pick-up truck, grumbling and moaning, coughing and sputtering until finally catching its breath and crawling uphill. Each day, Vulcanne watched at the window until the truck pulled out of sight, just before sunrise, then he crawled into bed and pretended to sleep so when his mother peeked into the room she would kiss him on his cheek

Vulcanne loved to laugh as well as cry, but his favorite summer past-time was listening to sounds of birds chirping while sitting side by side with his father on the back door steps. Mostly, he played on his own, only venturing into the kitchen when he wanted a hug, but at the same time each day, he stopped his play to stand at the window and wait for his father's gray truck to appear.

Then one day as maple leaves had started to fall, his father forgot to return. Vulcanne looked at his mother as if to ask questions, but nothing was ever said. By summertime, instead of running to safety when he heard a scary sound, Vulcanne had learned to wait at the kitchen door until his mother called his name. For a while, he felt safe but one day he was left on his own until his mother returned with an armful of groceries, and while she was away, something happened.
-M.D.Johnson 
(Work in progress. Leave a comment. Thank you.)

Thank you! Happy New Year! Be fearless, be sexy, and express who you are, but remember, a cup of Honesty tastes better with an ounce of Respect.

Thank you for following, visiting and reading this blog, survivingaday.blogspot.com. Thanks also, for your comments. I started this blog hoping to create a safe space for people to express their feelings and opinions. Many have read this blog. Some of you have also responded, but in the coming year, I'd like to hear more about you, how you're feeling, and what you'd like to share.

At www.survivingaday.blogspot.com, your information is as private as it gets on blogger.com and your information will not be marketed. This is a personal blog about surviving--a frustrating day, climate change, challenges of parenting, losing a friend or loved one, or whatever challenges you face day to day. This is what I would like you to share with people who read this blog. 

I'll be making a few changes in 2016. I'll be asking for comments on certain topics as well as posting your comments, stories or poems. What I post will be published anonymously or by what name you request. Due to copyright laws, I will post only original works and images with your permission.  I will also be sharing original creative works of my own from time to time. 

 

I invite you to submit your work, make announcements about upcoming events, and offer comments that are honest, but not denigrating. I believe in being politically correct, but only up to a point. As poet Emily Dickinson says, "Tell all the truth but tell it slant." It's not what we say but how it is said.  A cup of Honesty tastes better with an ounce of Respect. I reserve the right to not publish plagiarized, inappropriate or inflammatory material. At this blog site, www.survivingaday.blogspot.com, positive thinking is encouraged but not required because life is ebb and flow, ups and downs, and constant change.

Please keep the following in mind:

Unless otherwise noted, all blog posts, quotations, artwork or images are authored by M.DH.Johnson. Any images, stories, poems, or information published via this blog site,  www.survivingaday.blogspot.com is copyright protected. All rights reserved.  No part of this blog may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, restorations or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author(s). 

I look forward to 2016. All the best to you and yours in the new year!

Day at Myrtle beach (c) 2014
Visit: Twitter @survivingaday

Was Steve Harvey overwhelmed by the job of promoting sexuality or distracted by the youth, sexiness and novelty of the contestants?

Sex sells, but this is because sex is advertised more in the media than anywhere else. People hired to deliver the news are delivering notions of sexuality and sexiness whenever they get the chance but ironically, those speaking on the topic are the least sexy. They present video clips or snippets of information that take us away from the mundane. As long as our attention is focused on something new, we can be manipulated into believing, almost against our will, and buying whatever is advertised.

We need to stop the vicarious thrill-seeking and put the sexy back in sex, making it something more subtle and special, but as long as people watch advertisements and video clips like they care, ignoring someone sitting next to them in the living room, and as long as sexual innuendo sells, we will be manipulated into vicarious sexual imaginings based on television, magazines, and the media hype, feeling fulfilled by the concept of novelty and thrills.

Statistics show we are less interested in personal relationships for a multitude of reasons, but one of the reasons is that the brain craves new and different things. If something becomes too commonplace, the brain loses interest. People are attracted to difference because the brain seeks novelty. When you factor in our desire for novelty and our boredom with sexuality because it has become too accessible and ordinary, what is the expected outcome?  Cheating is the first thing that comes to mind. It's different, it's new, it's sexual, and the risky nature of it all seems very attractive.

I wish the media hype around sexuality would just go away. I watched and listened to Steve Harvey announcing the Miss Universe contestants in the swim suit competition on that memorable night. During the show, he made many references to sexuality despite the fact that the references were from a male perspective and the audience seemed to include many women.  It's no wonder he committed such a faux pas. He was clearly distracted by all of the beauty, youth, sexiness, and difference. I honestly think he was overwhelmed by so many beautiful women and with so little chance to experience their novelty. 

I don't think Steve Harvey was the only one overwhelmed by the diverse collection of beautiful, sexy women. He exposed his innermost thoughts when he named Miss Colombia the winner. She must have been his subliminal choice. Whether the media moguls asked him to talk up the sexiness we will never know, but I think he got caught up in the vicarious thrills. If we stop buying the sex, the media moguls wouldn't hype it up, but then there is the brain's desire for novelty.

Story-telling can make a difference. One of my favorite stories is found in a poem.

I have learned that story-telling  can make a difference, whether listening to someones story or telling stories of our own.  If world history was told in stories rather than as a list of events, wouldn't it be more interesting? 

One of my favorite stories is found in a poem. The setting of the poems is a wooded path in the wintertime. Maybe the snow is just starting to fall or maybe it continues to fall. The speaker is wistful but committed to promises already made. For a moment, the speaker is thinking about what he is doing and what he might like to do. There are two characters in the story and one seems to be questioning the other's actions. Then comes the moment of truth.

The following poem is memorable because it is musical, it is relevant to anyone, and it contains part of a story. Most important of all, its message is inspiring. I hope you enjoy reading the poem as much as I do, especially in the wintertime. Happy Holidays!

"Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening"
by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. 

"Ashes to ashes, we all fall down." The trick is to stand up, wise up, stop self-medicating on alcohol, heroin, or other drugs & deal with reality.

"Ashes to ashes, we all fall down." In other words, we all have up's and down's. Challenges and changes in our lives should be expected, but if we want emotionally balanced lives, we must adapt and go with the flow or we should seek help. Alcohol or drugs is not the final answer. 

If you feel something is not quite right, it probably isn't. First, keep a record of your thoughts and feelings. Then try to get help. Don't try to do everything on your own. You are a communal being, and your emotional well-being depends on how you take care of yourself and how you reach out to others when the going gets rough. The key to a balanced life is to become aware of your thoughts and feelings, find ways to to manage negativity, and to ask for help. Forget about trying to be positive, half-medicated all of the time. Just stop the madness and talk to someone.

Keeping track of negative emotions can seem unnatural. We are told to think positive, stand strong, and deny our negative emotions, but this is a mistake because  emotions must be expressed. In fact, in one way or another, they will be expressed--outwardly or inwardly. So your first response to strange emotional changes is to stop, take note of your thoughts and feelings, and finally, tell someone you can trust, even if it means dialing 800-273-TALK.

Because there is a strong interest in what is called, "positive psychology," nobody really wants to hear that someone they know is unhappy. It seems they fear your negativity is contagious, especially if it lingers for more than a week or two, but if you're thinking negative thoughts for more than two weeks, something is absolutely wrong. In fact, you might be depressed.

Instead of self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, start writing. Also, start keeping a record of your thoughts and feelings. Simply take out a pen and pad and write 

(c)MDHJohnson, 2013

your thoughts down on a daily basis. Keeping a record of how you feel and think for two or three weeks will be useful if you need to see your family doctor or if you are referred to a mental health professional. 

Not every negative situation is a major problem, especially if you catch it in time. However, you are the guardian of your emotional state, so if you feel strange but can't pinpoint the problem, start keeping track of how you feel.  Do not get lost in the conglomeration of thoughts and feelings and do not be confused by symptoms you never encountered before. Just write down your thoughts and feelings a few times during the day. 

If your thoughts and feelings are out of control, you might have an "invisible illness" or emotional disorder that can be uncovered and easily treated by a mental health professional or even on your own. It's as simple as that. We all experience "ups and downs." The question is, if your emotional upheaval lasts longer than two weeks, what are you going to do about it?

(c) MDHJohnson

Does anyone care about families of our fallen heroes? Gold Star Mothers and Families proclamation recognizes them.

When a soldier dies, it's difficult to explain the loss. First there was absence and suddenly, they were permanently gone.  Maybe it's the element of surprise that factors into the loss. Maybe you never had a chance to say, goodbye. You go through the usual process of grieving: friends, family; military funeral with the flag-draped casket and processional; the 21-gun salute; the bugle call; the flag folding (which is elaborate). You sit in dismay and watch:

"After the flag as been folded, the person who did the folding, known as the "folder", stands before the person who held the head of the flag during the folding, known as the "presenter". The folder holds the flag on end so that the corner of the folded flag can be inspected at eye level by the presenter. The presenter may then straighten the corner if necessary. The folder then turns the flag 180 degrees so the presenter can inspect the opposite corner and straighten it if necessary. Lastly, the folder turns the flag flat and places it in the hands of the presenter. The presenter then holds the flag with center corner towards the folder so the folder can inspect and straighten that corner if necessary. All done, the folder is dismissed and the presenter presents the flag to the chosen family member" ( A. Robert Cook).

You receive the flag thankfully, as though it is the fallen loved one. After the funeral you walk away, your emotions askew, and you ask why? You feel there is no one who understands what it really means to lose someone who fought for their country and died in the process. You might even forget to mourn as you struggle to make the pieces of your life fit. You often don't detect physical or emotional distress that develops due to the loss. 

So many families of veterans feel they are alone, and this post is written to share what might have helped my family after my brother died at age 21 during his time in the United States Army. His absence was never discussed within our family, and we mourned separately, including our mother. A few years ago, I finally cried.

There are people who understand. President Obama made the traditional Proclamation of Gold Star Mothers and Families on September 27, 2015, recognizing the mothers and families of our fallen heroes. Inquire if there is a group of Gold Star Mothers and Families in your community. If not, inquire about starting one.

Also visit: http://go.wh.gov/kUxd5o.