What is your sense of humor IQ?

 

Psychologists say laughter is the shortest distance between two people. Also, it is one of the quickest ways to chase negative thoughts away. With your busy schedule you might ask, who has time to laugh? A better question would be, who has time to NOT laugh?  

 

Laughter is good for the body, mind, and soul. When it comes to our emotional well-being, its benefits have been compared to the effects of exercise. Laughter is not something that happens on a regular basis unless you make it so. The best way to make sure you laugh every day is to schedule opportunities for laughter into your lifestyle, which includes 30 minutes of laughter every day. You can begin with a sitcom that makes you smile. Eventually, it will make you laugh because no matter how many negative thoughts you process each day, the brain can be retrained to seek happiness. No matter how depressed you might feel, laughter can be scheduled into your lifestyle, and with practice, the brain will accept it. Remember, practice makes perfect. You can improve your sense of humor IQ.

(c) M.D. Johnson (2014)

 http://www.belmontwellness.com/sense-humor-iq-take-humor-inventory-find-out/

Just when you thought you'd seen and heard it all, Mother Nature sings you a lullaby.

Imagine this. Just when you thought you'd seen and heard it all, Mother Nature sings you a lullaby, whispers a "Once Upon a Time a long while ago" directly into your ear.

That's what happened one evening. I was thinking as I shut the door and walked outside after an argument: "It's one of those, 'Been there, done that, I'm ripping up the t-shirts and I'm not coming back' kind of days." It had been a long day, not only for me. Funny how pride works so well with stupidity.

I had walked past doorways and barking dogs just to sit on the curb, though I would have preferred a stoop. I'll never forget how the stars were there in the background, ready to put on a show, but on this particular evening, they would have been outdone. I stood, mesmerized, listening without hearing, just watching the sunset. Without words to be heard, I understood. Watching until the moon rose high and stars sparkled, I could almost hear the sound of praises being sung, celebrating the beauty of Nature, reminding me that life is precious and fleeting, like this sunset, like a lullaby.

 

Watching the sky, listening to the sounds of night creatures I realized, tomorrow is not promised, and I needed to just let it go, dismiss whatever pettiness was consuming me, and go with the universal ebb and flow that began once upon a time and has always been there. But I won't always be.

 

 

Copyright Emme H. Johnson 2013

To make a plant beautiful, it must be pruned and reshaped but to make a child beautiful, does it require the same?

This photo represents the beauty of crepe myrtle and all living things, but it does not reveal the hard work that went into making it so--the cutting back, pruning, shaping, and directing its designated path. Some plants, if pruned too severely, don't live through the process, but when they do, the flowers are phenomenal. It reminds me of parenting, what it takes to make a beautiful, strong child, but if the parenting is biased, frightening, unpredictable, too severe, neglectful, or filled with envy, violence or shame, it is called child abuse. The problem with child abuse is its secrecy regarding what happens behind closed doors. Friends and family might suspect it, but they usually choose to turn a blind eye, opting for the beautiful picture presented by a predator, perpetrator, or well-meaning abusive parent. It's time we all accepted the fact that outward appearances are often unreliable. So if something seems contradictory or strange in your experience, don't be so quick to persecute or pass judgment, especially if you don't know the facts. Just remember, there are two sides to every beautiful or horrid story--external appearances and the truth.

I learned something new about myself: I can be stubborn, stupidly so.

I learned something new about myself.  I can be stubborn, stupidly so.

Today is  July 2nd, and I don't want to travel on July 4th because I traveled two days ago, and I'm still exhausted. It was a strange one-day getaway that should have included at least an overnight stay. At about 2am after a discussion that required a lot of politically correct commentary, I decided to head back home since I was wide awake and couldn't sleep.  

Contemplating the four-hour drive, I had felt assured I could complete the return trip home although earlier that day I had driven four hours, conducted business for four hours, visited family for four hours, had dinner, and helped someone on a project for another three hours. Once I realized I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to waste precious driving time tossing and turning only to face a full-blown sunrise the next day. I had only four hours to get the rental car back before 10 am. At the time, driving in misty moonlight seemed a good idea because starting at sunrise and continuing the drive east for four hours after minimal sleep sounded dangerous. 

With my final decision to leave in the middle of night, I felt like a wise, experienced driver. But despite my experience as a driver and despite the fact I was driving a brand new Volkswagen Golf, it wasn't a smart move, not because of the problems I might have encountered, but also because I failed to listen to myself. Anyone in her right mind would have found a way to fall asleep and leave more energized in the morning. 

Driving at night was peaceful and beautiful, but I missed a turn because of the foggy haze. I had to pull into the parking lot of a well-lighted Kangaroo gas station and take a little nap, not so much because I was tired but because I was lost. After much tossing and turning, I still had to force myself to sleep. I awoke at sunrise and continued the drive home, suddenly realizing I had put myself at risk.

Because of poor problem-solving, I had put myself in danger, but I learned something new about myself. I can be stubborn, stupidly so. I had ignored my better judgment because I had wanted to avoid driving east in the morning hours with the sunrise blazing in my face. I never considered what happens during the night after a hot summer day: misty, foggy mornings and zero visibility. 

At sunrise, I had only an hour or so to drive, but things might have turned out differently. I'm sure this is how so many fatalities take shape. I was lucky this time, and I am thankful and wiser. Being tired is a small price to pay for just getting home safe.
(c) M.D. Johnson (2014)

Predictability has a way of keeping us grounded and reassured.

Predictability has a way of keeping us grounded, focused on goals, and reassured that everything will be alright. Each day, I hear accounts of some tragic event resulting from someone who has lost his way or I look around and see beautiful girls gone sour due to lack of a structured life, lack of a positive role model, or adequate father figure, something I'll never know because for the first ten years of my life, my father was there in mind and spirit, despite the fact that he worked two jobs six days a week. The only way we could see him during the week was to wait up past midnight until he returned home from his second job. Once he returned home, he sat three of us on his lap somehow, and sang us nursery rhymes until we were groggy enough to say, goodnight.

I suppose you could say my father was our super hero in the sense that he was our teacher, protector, family provider, gardener, handyman, cook and entertainer. He wasn't stern, but he was a strict disciplinarian. If we disobeyed his directives, did a sloppy job, acted lazy or irresponsible or told a lie, we knew what to expect.

I remember one time I thought I'd get a terrible whipping but only after I had been thoroughly chastised. I had carelessly kicked the water faucet while trying to kill a bee. Suddenly, water spewed everywhere and it was clear, I had disconnected something. I felt as though I had destroyed the universe! I felt flushed and on the brink of tears. I ran to my mother but was told to awaken my father from his nap and explain my carelessness.

When he awoke, he looked at me in disbelief. Then he walked outside, proceeded to shut off the water source, asked me to get his car keys, and drove to the hardware store. In less than an hour, the rusted pipe had been replaced and everything looked as good as new. My father turned on the water source, gave me a glance, and returned to his afternoon nap. I knew his off day was a time to recharge, and I had expected the worst. That's the one time I remember my father being unpredictable, but he taught me a valuable lesson without saying a word: nothing is impossible.

Unpredictability is wonderful at times, but there's something nice and reassuring about predictability, something so many of today's young people do not have. My life was not better than what I see today, but it was more predictable. I knew what to expect. I cherish the 10 years my parents were together with our family. It was a magical time before the big "D" which happened b/c he wasn't perfect; yet, he was perfect to me.

Maybe it's not your fault--the five most common reasons for parent-child estrangement

 

Maybe it's not your fault--the five most common reasons for parent-child estrangement

Society can be hard on women, especially as they age. It's no wonder the suicide rate for women is highest among those 45 to 54 years of age. This is a time when women experience changes in their appearance and circumstances. This is a time when many women experience diminished self-esteem, often for reasons  beyond their control.

 

While there is no one thing that causes a loss of self-esteem, the result can be depression or eventually, suicide. Regardless of age, women need to find ways to express emotions, uncover reasons for any unhappiness, and rediscover positive aspects of life. This is easier said than done, however, especially when a woman feels rejected by adult children she parented, loved, and made sacrifices for.

 

In the article, "What To Do When You and Your Grown Child Don't Get Along," drjananderson.com lists five most common reasons for parent-child estrangement:

 

1. DIVORCE

2. ADDICTION OR MENTAL ILLNESS

3. ESTRANGEMENT DUE TO A SON-IN-LAW OR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

4. TEMPERAMENTAL MISMATCHES

5. NEED FOR AUTONOMY

 

  "As the most family-oriented time of year approaches, it’s a time of heartache for parents whose adult children have cut them off – and the growing..." 
http://www.drjananderson.com/grown-child/

If you have an estranged child or know someone who does, writing a letter might be an important first step. After following the link and reading the article, please feel free to write a response to any of the five most common reasons identified for parent-child estrangement or add a reason of your own. You can keep your writing personal or share it on this blog site. The important thing is to start the process of healing and forgiving self and others. Best of luck! 

(c) M.D. Johnson (2014)

What are some of your best tactics for turning an otherwise tragic or horrible day into a positive memory that you  can reach for when surrounded by negativity or sadness? It's been said, positive memories fuel happiness. Do your experiences support this opinion?

 

My experiences support this opinion, but with a caveat. Psychologists and researchers explain that it takes many positive experiences to offset one negative one because the brain is biased toward negativity. So if one has many negative and few positive memories to attach to, feeling positive when faced with negativity is more challenging. But the brain is willing to adapt and change according to whatever we require.

 

According to science, throughout our existence has become conditioned to keeping us aware of danger and in a psychologically "safe zone." In order to keep us feeling safe, it tracks our emotions, flags the extremely negative ones, and is on the lookout when these negative feelings are repeated. When a negative emotion is repeated, the brain stores the information and remembers it. After a few incidents, the brain is able to anticipate this negative emotion and set of "alarms" such as fear, dread or other negative emotions in advance. 

 

As a result of the brain's attention to negative emotions, we experience fear or angst before something terrible really takes place. Because of its ability to warn us of danger, the brain is "biased" toward negativity.This information is based on research and evidence acquired through scientific experiments and studies of how the brain behaves.

 

Using evidence from research and experiments, scientists and psychologists explain that the brain adapts and changes its structure in order to keep us feeling safe and contented, but it is "biased" toward detecting negativity first and foremost. 

 

One example of such research is scientific experiments conducted to determine the extent of our brain's "negative bias."   In one type of experiment, participants were shown pictures of faces or images that led to positive emotions--babies, smiles, or slices of pizza! They were also presented pictures of images that were considered disgusting or grossly negative, like dead animals, garbage, etc. Participants always noticed the negative images first, remembered them more vividly, and remembered them for longer periods of time. This led to further studies and confirmation that the brain has a negative bias (even as it works to keep us happy).

 

Because the brain is also dedicated to our feelings of well-being, it is willing to adapt to our needs, but it takes more work if one has been inundated by negative experiences. My opinion is not scientific, but it is based on years of research on the topic of depression and PTSD. My point is this: In as much as we are told, "Don't worry, be happy" in one way or another, our emotional systems are not created equal, so some of us must work harder to find positive memories that can be used when we feel overwhelmed or challenged by negativity.

 

The key to overcoming negative thoughts and experiences is knowing the brain is willing to do whatever it takes to keep us happy and safe. Finding happiness is easy for some of us; the rest of us have to work hard to create positive moments to fuel positive thinking, but it can be done with a little willpower and willingness to force the brain to change.