I learned something new about myself: I can be stubborn, stupidly so.

I learned something new about myself.  I can be stubborn, stupidly so.

Today is  July 2nd, and I don't want to travel on July 4th because I traveled two days ago, and I'm still exhausted. It was a strange one-day getaway that should have included at least an overnight stay. At about 2am after a discussion that required a lot of politically correct commentary, I decided to head back home since I was wide awake and couldn't sleep.  

Contemplating the four-hour drive, I had felt assured I could complete the return trip home although earlier that day I had driven four hours, conducted business for four hours, visited family for four hours, had dinner, and helped someone on a project for another three hours. Once I realized I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to waste precious driving time tossing and turning only to face a full-blown sunrise the next day. I had only four hours to get the rental car back before 10 am. At the time, driving in misty moonlight seemed a good idea because starting at sunrise and continuing the drive east for four hours after minimal sleep sounded dangerous. 

With my final decision to leave in the middle of night, I felt like a wise, experienced driver. But despite my experience as a driver and despite the fact I was driving a brand new Volkswagen Golf, it wasn't a smart move, not because of the problems I might have encountered, but also because I failed to listen to myself. Anyone in her right mind would have found a way to fall asleep and leave more energized in the morning. 

Driving at night was peaceful and beautiful, but I missed a turn because of the foggy haze. I had to pull into the parking lot of a well-lighted Kangaroo gas station and take a little nap, not so much because I was tired but because I was lost. After much tossing and turning, I still had to force myself to sleep. I awoke at sunrise and continued the drive home, suddenly realizing I had put myself at risk.

Because of poor problem-solving, I had put myself in danger, but I learned something new about myself. I can be stubborn, stupidly so. I had ignored my better judgment because I had wanted to avoid driving east in the morning hours with the sunrise blazing in my face. I never considered what happens during the night after a hot summer day: misty, foggy mornings and zero visibility. 

At sunrise, I had only an hour or so to drive, but things might have turned out differently. I'm sure this is how so many fatalities take shape. I was lucky this time, and I am thankful and wiser. Being tired is a small price to pay for just getting home safe.
(c) M.D. Johnson (2014)