Race is an artificial construct created not to unify a society but to divide it.

Race is an artificial construct created not to unify a society but to divide it. The word, "race" was used to pacify those who might protest their conditions and to comfort those who felt threatened as members of a minority trying to seize control of the majority. Definitions and delineations of "race" allowed a minority group to control or annihilate the masses and even today, categorizing based on race is used to create stereotypes that  marginalize and undermine various cultural groups in American society.

Throughout American history we've witnessed it. The Native Americans saw it first. They befriended the European newcomers but were rewarded with mass murder befitting a nation of "Redskins." Their new definition allowed them to be castigated, held as captives and servants and decimated. Their destiny ultimately hinged on their submissiveness, something they fought against. This country was once their home and their numbers were far greater than those who hoped to subdue them.

Then came the slaves, ripped from their motherlands, denied access to education, friendship, safety and family. 'Divide and conquer" was law of the land but not only were the Africans alienated from those who looked like them, they were also denied access to most everything that rendered them human. There was no way to "pass" in the early years of slavery and blackness was a badge worn by every slave. It was as though all the gods sat laughing even as the captives struggled to escape. 

Once the slaves were finally free, they were stamped with official names designating differences in race. The badge of blackness became useful when deciding who could become part of America's elite society and who would forever serve this entitled population. 

With the Native Americans it was different. Not better or worse but different in that they were viewed as savages and threats to the survival of the newly empowered American society. Because they were feared, they were held captive on reservations, and once their main source of food was mercilessly and systematically destroyed, most tribes relied on the goodness of strangers in charge for food and life itself.

Definitions of race in America have had devastating effects and tragic consequences. Race is an imaginary line of demarcation designed to keep everyone in a designation place The categories were loopholes for a privileged few and holding pens for those considered subservient and allowed to live if they were obedient, careful and respectful. One false move toward freedom meant sudden death. There was no way to escape the cycle of life interrupted due to lines of demarcation and restrictions by race.

Today, people of all races achieve greatness, but one must never forget about race because it factors into everything we know. Due to race relations in America, life can change in an instant. 
Race can affect level of safety, happiness and ability to survive. The soldier (above) reached age 21 but failed to survive.

My opinions are  my own, but for a different perspective, visit this website: http://www.pbs.org/race/002_SortingPeople/002_00-home.htm

When I was a child, I spake as a child but when I became an adult? Nowadays it's hard to grow up.

The King James version of the Holy Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:11 states: "When I was a child,  I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child but when I became a man I put away childish things..." In Christian tradition, there should be a line of separation between childhood behavior and adult behavior. But today, such is often not the case. Children don't have the same opportunities to grow up, sometimes because they can't find meaningful ways to interact with others and sometimes because their parents don't allow them to experience the raw challenges of life.

Put simply, growing up is hard to do in today's society. Some of us never grow up because we have not had reason to or we don't have equal opportunities to do so. Our parents shelter us, eliminate the need for us to be self-reliant, and protect us from everything with rants and raves against most anything. 

Back in the day, self-reliance was expected. At 13, you found a summer job and contributed to paying household expenses. At 18 you found a higher-paying job and moved out of your parents' house. Of course you had options: go to college and find grants, loans or scholarships to pay for it; join a branch of the military and learn a skill or choose military service as a career; find a job, get married and raise a family. 

In the process of living and working towards a future, you learned about yourself and about working and relating to others. You had no access to the internet, so everything you learned was from reading or from interacting with family, clergymen, mentors and peers. You read the Bible or you read writers like Kahlil Gibran (Lebanese-American poet and author, famous for his book The Prophet which is highly recognized for its insights and wisdom.) 

Nobody said it is easy to grow up, take responsibility and become self-reliant, but where there's a will there is a way. Childhood and adulthood are not the same and the sooner we understand this, the better for our society. We need to step up, wo/man up and put away childish things. We need to accept our role in building a better society. If not you and me, then who shall it be?

Kahlil Gibran was born in 1883 in Lebanon and died in New York in 1931. His family emigrated to the United States in 1895. In his early teens, the artistry of Gibran's drawings caught the eye of his teachers and he was introduced to the avant-garde Boston artist, photographer, and publisher Fred Holland Day, who encouraged and supported Gibran in his creative endeavors. A publisher used some of Gibran's drawings for book covers in 1898, and Gibran held his first art exhibition in 1904 in Boston. In 1908, Gibran went to study art with Auguste Rodin in Paris for two years. He later studied art in Boston. While most of Gibran's early writing was in Arabic, most of his work published after 1918 was in English. Gibran's best-known work is The Prophet, a book composed of 26 poetic essays. Resource: (www.sahajaculture.org)

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: Important steps to remember

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!  You know you saw it, that passive-aggressive gesture made by an aggressor to someone less powerful--the almost "flinching" response that indicates intimidation or fear. You saw it, but quickly turned away. You knew what would be coming--an act of brutality once in the confines of a bedroom or living room after the world was fast asleep. We all know it happens in modern society but choose to see nothing, say nothing and do nothing. It's not our business to interfere--or is it?

It's a quiet, subtle offense that mostly goes unpunished because of fear. No one can protect  a victim after the patrol cars roll away, when family is fast asleep, when eye-witnesses have gone back to their homes to do what they usually do--forget about the outside world. People know when something is wrong but they don't want to become the victims themselves because they upset your harasser or perpetrator. They want to feel safe; it's not personal. Feeling safe is a human need (not a human want). After food, shelter, water, warmth and bare necessities, people need to feel safe. Interfering in a domestic violence situation doesn't make people feel safe. So even if you saw them watching, don't expect people to interfere and save you. Who's going to save them when the perpetrator seeks revenge? 

To increase your safety, learn the signs of frustration in your perpetrator or abuser and prepare for the worst. You might call a helpline like 1-800...No, forget about emergency help. When you need emergency help, call 911, call a friend, call a clergyman, or call a resource that you have researched and are familiar with. Before writing this, I did a practice run. I called several resources on a Sunday morning, the time when many domestic violence incidents occur, but found no one who could offer help. There was either no answer on the phones, nobody willing to give information except to the person in the active crisis situation or I was transferred to answering services. So my point in sharing this information is this:

Do your research in advance. If you know you might be in danger, know who you will call in case of emergency (I.C.E.). Don't talk to social agency representatives when you're in a stressful crisis situation. Your family might accidentally get registered in some data bank that you never  heard of. When in doubt, don't take chances. Be prepared.

Prepare yourself before you need to call 911. Have emergency instructions indicating what steps to take and who you will entrust to take care of the house, the pets, and your children, in case you are somehow detained. If you press charges, the end of the relationship (and the end of violence) is near, but it will take courage to follow-through until the perpetrator is behind bars or out of your life. 

Be prepared to move. You will probably need to move to a safe area of town or to a new city altogether where you can't be easily found once the perpetrator is released on bail. If you must appear in court after you press charges, bring someone with you, and stay motivated to take the issue all the way using a court-appointed lawyer and your network of support.

Domestic violence is a private-public affair. People observe each other and know when something is wrong, but they don't want to get involved. So take care of yourself during the good times, but prepare for the bad. Identify resources in advance. Depend on a small circle of friends and reliable services that you researched in advance. Most important, depend on your higher power to give you courage to change the things you can.

Depending on the situation, parents should work with children from one of three perspectives.

Raising a child in today's society is not easy. Children and parents are challenged by technology, schedules, tests and assessments, peer pressure in schools and stress in the workplace. With so much going on in life, it's hard to manage family affairs and be the ideal parent. Many parents see their children as burdens or enemies, rather than as treasures--precious and unique. Raising a child takes commitment and work, but the work doesn't need to be hard.

I heard a sermon today, explaining the best way to parent a child. It started with an opinion that today's parents prefer "minimal interference" due to reverence for the child's inborn personality. This opinion is not new. It was voiced generations ago by those who felt children should be allowed to grow naturally with few  societal demands. Such ideas were influenced by education philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778) who insisted that exposure to society negatively impacts child development. His novel Emile focuses on the positive effects of free expression in the natural environment. 

According to the Priest, Rousseau's perspective is being reintroduced.The sermon went on to explain the right way for parents to deal with their children. Children need guidance, but they need the right kind of guidance because this determines their success in life. According to the Priest, when it comes to raising children, "Work not with your hand, but with
 your heart." Depending on the situation, parents should work with children from one of three perspectives: 

1. Sovereign - Protect the child.

2. Teacher - Teach the child correct principles and behavior.

3. Parent - Offer compassion and empathy to the child.

Children model adult behavior and they follow actions rather than words. To make appropriate choices in parenting, especially when feeling over-whelmed, limit your choices and adjust your attitude based on which perspective is best--sovereign, teacher or parent. If you realize these are the only options, raising a child might not be as difficult as it seems.

One poet's response to October, a month of blue skies and beautiful surprises!

 October's Bright Blue Weather






O SUNS and skies and clouds of June,

And flowers of June together,

Ye cannot rival for one hour

October's bright blue weather;

When loud the bumblebee makes haste,

Belated, thriftless vagrant,

And goldenrod is dying fast,

And lanes with grapes are fragrant;

When gentians roll their fingers tight

To save them for the morning,

And chestnuts fall from satin burrs

Without a sound of warning;

When on the ground red apples lie

In piles like jewels shining,

And redder still on old stone walls

Are leaves of woodbine twining;

When all the lovely wayside things

Their white-winged seeds are sowing,

And in the fields still green and fair,

Late aftermaths are growing;

When springs run low, and on the brooks,

In idle golden freighting,

Bright leaves sink noiseless in the hush

Of woods, for winter waiting;

When comrades seek sweet country haunts,

By twos and twos together,

And count like misers, hour by hour,

October's bright blue weather.

O sun and skies and flowers of June,

Count all your boasts together,

Love loveth best of all the year

October's bright blue weather.

Helen Hunt Jackson







Photo: (c) Mjohnson

If I don't receive information from you, it's true that men have it easier in life than women, but not much easier.

Society never sympathizes with women, especially if a women is in any way threatening--to women or to men. When something bad happens, it's usually the woman's fault due to something she did or did not do or say. Because she walks alone (despite the church affiliation, the supportive girlfriend(s) or the good (hope he's not cheating) man, she's often suspect. She often can't share her negative experiences with everyone and her experiences are many. Whether a woman would choose a different gender is a good question because men don't exactly have it easy, either. But who do you think has it easier in life, women or men?

As I pondered this question, I made a couple of lists: 

• Men have it easier when it comes to being accepted by women and others in society.
• Men have it easier when it comes to saving money on clothing and other necessities.
• Men don't have to worry about an irregular monthly menstrual cycle--surprise!
• Men don't have to worry about pregnancies, abortions, or unaffordable children.
• Men don't have to tip-toe or stand on a chair to clean hard to reach areas or to pull groceries. from the top shelves at a grocery store.
• Men don't have to worry about shaving their legs or armpits
• Men don't have to hover over a toilet seat in public restrooms.
• Men don't have to worry about losing their temper or getting into a brawl.
• Men don't have to worry about being very smart, unattractive or unstable.

On the other hand:

• *Women have it easier when it comes to faking--most anything.
• *Women have it easier because they don't have to shave their faces and other places.
• *Women have it easier when it comes to openly expressing emotions and acting temperamental.
• *Women have it easier when it comes to providing evidence of being attracted to a partner or mate.
• *Women don't have to worry about "pleasing" someone since it comes almost automatic.
• *Women don't have to worry about stolen DNA and involuntary donations.
• *Women don't have to stand up to urinate.
• *Women don't have to worry about side-effects of Viagra.

If I'm leaving out something that women or men don't have to worry about, leave me a message and I'll add it (and your alias, if you'd like) to this blog post. If I don't receive information from you, I'll assume it's true that men have it easier in life than women, but not much easier.

Is this how it happened to someone you know? -- "One day I'll find the nerve to tell mama, one day when she's not too tired to listen."

It's no secret it's kept a secret how those like me get this way. When you look into my eyes it's like looking into a mirror, but it's more than a mirror, much like a portal where you go to hide if you want to cry so nobody hears you after he leaves.

I grow in ways my mother never dreamed because she's preoccupied with small babies and too tired to notice the look in my uncle's eyes, daring me to tell. I have a boyfriend who will not try to hurt me even when I turn thirteen. He's good to me and doesn't know. He's sixteen.

I jump through hoops to look sweet and innocent, like everybody says I am. I learn well, do what I'm told and sometimes get five dollars I don't deserve.

Look for me in midsummer night's mist sitting in shadows on the back porch, watching fireflies. Now you see me, now you don't but nobody ever realizes I'm gone. Maybe because it only takes a few minutes. One day I'll find the nerve to tell mama, one day when she's not too tired to listen

artwork (c) Mhjohnson 2015

September is one reason you never really leave NYC.

If you know a better place to live than New York City, let me know. After 9/11, I moved out of New York and it was the worst thing I could have done not because there aren't other lovely places to live but because I needed to embrace what happened rather than run away and because once you live in NYC, it's not easy to live anywhere else.  

September used to be that ho-hum month that gets wedged between the end of trips to the beach and the beginning of fall foliage tours. Now, September has a presence of its own, one that became etched in our hearts and souls. It's hard being away from New York City because it's a place that welcomes everyone. It's the gold standard for diversity in life as well as the arts. One of the best things about NYC is the creativity which is inspired by the beauty of the place, the energy of the place, and the memories which get more precious by the year.

"I love New York" is not just a slogan; it's a state of mind that starts deep within the soul. They say you can never go home again, but this isn't true for NYC because you actually never leave, definitely not in September. 
 MHJ

Neil Diamond - Both Sides Now live at the Troubadour 1971

https://youtu.be/CoWbLH7bdvM

Reflection is a very rewarding form of writing. If you'd like to write about something that caused you to reflect, start with a mental picture or an actual image.

Reflection is the art of looking back on a past situation and processing what happened from a more mature perspective. One is only able to reflect on a situation after being removed from it.Through the art or act of reflecting on bad decisions, misspoken words, or inappropriate behavior that happened in the past, negative situations can lead to self-discovery and can become learning opportunities.

Reflection is not an activity for any specific age group. It can happen to anyone who dares to take a backward look at past behavior in hopes of gaining information or finding the lesson to be learned. Reflection involves taking a backward look at an emotional event that happened but it also includes some introspection so as to determine how you feel about it in the present moment. By reflecting on negative events in the past, we are able to learn and change. Bad experiences turned into lifelong lessons is how we develop emotional competence and how we build empathy for others.

Reflection is best achieved through writing. You might begin by writing a paragraph about what happened, when it happened, and how you felt about what happened THEN. You would especially want to name the strongest emotion(s) that you felt at the time. The second paragraph you write would explain how you feel about the event, incident or situation NOW, after so many months or years. Reflecting on a past event requires the passage of time..

Reflection involves explaining what emotions you felt in the past and what emotions you feel in the present moment, but the purpose for writing is to discover what you learned and what difference this event made in your life. Examples of reflection can be found in poetry, songs, and creative non-fiction, or they can be rendered in a work of fiction. I love putting poetry or music and images together, and also, I like reading poetry, but the best place to start writing is with an actual image or an image in your mind.

Reflection is a very rewarding form of writing. If you'd like to write about something that caused you to reflect, start with a mental picture or an actual image. As an example, consider the following image. Life experiences and lasting memories begin at some point during any ordinary day.

After 9/11, I mostly remember the horns honking, the lights flashing, the arms waving out of windows as people sought to assure me, "You are not alone."

I remember like it was yesterday minding my business babysitting a three-year old and waiting to see his mother who had been ill for a week and hadn't gone to work, but on 9/11/01, she  had said she'd be going in, taking the long bus ride to the PATH train in Jersey City; taking the PATH into the World Trade Center in NYC; transferring to the subway train headed uptown; walking two blocks to work. I asked, "Are you up to all of that?" She said yes like she always does because she's resilient, always. But because she followed her intuition and decided she wasn't ready to return to work after all, she's alive today. Trusting her intuition saved her life.

When the twin towers got hit, it was surreal. I thought it was a preview for some horrid movie, but then the commentators' frantic voices assured me, this was happening in real time--the explosion, the fire and black smoke, the people jumping from windows--horrific.

There had been a small attack on the World Trade Center in the early 1990's, but no one saw it as an experiment or practice run--but what else could it have been?. After all was said and done, people on the street, in diners, at work kept repeating, "Somebody should have known...How were we caught so off guard?"

So much about NYC and the world has changed since 9/11. The streets are more crowded, neighborhoods are unrecognizable, people are in such a hurry--sign of the times, but New York City used to be so different back before September 11, 2001. Neighborhoods still held together, supported each other, and the people took pride in their communities. Now, with all the hustle and bustle, who knows where one community ends and another begins?

After the event, I mostly remember traveling up and down I-95 with my NY license plate and a big red, white and blue bow & ribbon tied to the grill of my car. I remember the horns honking, the lights flashing, the arms waving out of windows as people sought to assure me, "You are not alone." Somehow, these friendly gestures and listening to Enya on the radio helped see me through. I was not alone, All of NY, all of the nation, and much of the world was mourning with me.

Still, I shouldn't have moved away from the city a month afterward. I needed the mutual support from those who witnessed the black debris hovering above the city stretched across the horizon for what seemed like an eternity. I needed to talk it out with frantic neighbors. I needed to be there in the thick of it, expressing myself and grieving out loud. Because I wasn't talking it out, it took years to overcome what happened to our city, our country, our people, and to me.

Yet I too am resilient, like New Yorkers and Americans are resilient. Had my NYC daughter gone to work that morning, I'd be mourning her death instead of celebrating her life. Like all who survived this traumatic event, I realize how precious and fleeting life is and how important it is to trust your intuition.

My intuition tells me to live with a sense of meaning every day. Looking back, I try to remember the beauty of the twin towers but I also embrace the new reality of our precious city. No matter how much it has changed, it's the place I call home, and visiting home adds meaning to my life.

Are you hiding your true emotions behind anger?

Losing ones temper is a cover-up for something that lies deeper. We don't like to feel vulnerable, so we default to what appears a more aggressive emotional response: anger. Are you hiding your true emotions behind anger?


If you want to know what you're hiding when you become angry,  stop yourself as soon as you start to feel flushed and flustered, before you've had time to strike back. If you ever wonder why you get so mad at certain people or circumstances, tap into your feelings and see what comes up. It's good if you can notice your feelings after an incident, but it's much better if you can also name and target the emotion that appeared before it was hidden behind anger.


When I was in elementary school, I fought a lot because I was bullied. I felt sadness whenever it happened, but my first outward response was anger. Internally, I was feeling something too embarrassing to admit. It was only in high school that I learned to hide the anger, at least for a minute or two so as to discover what was really causing my negative response.


It took years to stop responding to insults and injury with anger, but I finally grasped the concept. What I realized was this: When I felt fearful or diminished, I responded with an act of aggression, which in my case was anger. I eventually learned, it's not the outward emotions that we need to control. The control must start with inward feelings, those we hide so no one is the wiser about our vulnerabilities.


Anger is a reflection of fear or diminished self-esteem. It is an emotional response that serves as an act of aggression used to protect ourselves from harm. Yet, we don't always realize our anger is an act of aggression against a perceived enemy. "We might first feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, or pressured. If any of these feelings are intense enough, we think of the emotion as anger" (www.creducation.org) without considering other possibilities. Anger is simply an outward response to feelings of endangerment.


Once it becomes clear that anger is a cover-up for other emotions, anger can be managed or eliminated. But anger cannot be managed if underlying emotions are not discovered and acknowledged. In order to control anger, underlying feelings must be recognized and emotions must be targeted so self-esteem is not diminished.

*Reference: "Image from Men For Change, The Online Healthy Relationships Project, 1998"
 www.creducation.org.

"I can only imagine the sense of empowerment that comes with knowing when and how to tell an extremely good lie."

It's hard to watch someone fall from grace due to a badly told lie. At first it was news anchorman Brian Williams and now, in a worse-case scenario, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte. Brian Williams faced consequences when his lie spun out of control and likewise, so should Ryan Lochte, but had a young Ryan Lochte read Mark Twain, he might have told a different sort of lie or fashioned a judicious one.

Clearly, there is an art to lying, but according to writer and humorist, Mark Twain aka Samuel Clemens, lying is an art that needs to be developed and effectively utilized. In an essay written for the Historian and Antiquarian Club of Hartford, Connecticut (published 1882), Mark Twain wrote: 

My complaint simply concerns the decay of the art of 

lying. No high-minded man, no man of right feeling, 

can contemplate the lumbering and slovenly lying of

 the present day without grieving to see a noble art

so prostituted.

As children, we are taught that lying is akin to a criminal act; yet we do it often and without remorse because we must. Consistently,  we face dilemmas of whether to "bear false witness" (lie) or opt to say something positive or nothing at all. In society, such rules are reinforced. Yet, we are expected to express opinions, if only for the sake of discussion. 

But what happens if it isn't the right opinion? How long would someone last in a classroom or workplace expressing unacceptable views? When remaining silent is not an option and the truth would prove unacceptable, a well-told lie is not exactly a lie; it's a maneuver--and what could be more respectable than that?

When I was a child, I rarely spoke and when I did speak, I instinctively lied. I even strengthened this skill into early adulthood because I found it difficult to determine the best response. Truth be told, I could have used some technical advice or training on the art of the lie. I also could have used some encouragement regarding the advantages and rewards of telling a great lie. 

In his brief essay, Mark Twain insists that lying is an art that must be cultivated. He writes,

No fact is more firmly established than that lying is a necessity of our

circumstances...therefore, it goes without saying that this one ought

to be taught in the public schools--even in the newspapers. What 

chance  has the ignorant uncultivated liar against the educated expert? 

...An awkward, unscientific lie is often as ineffectual as the truth...

Children and fools _always_ speak the truth. The deduction

is plain--adults and wise persons _never_speak it...Everybody lies--

every day; every hour; awake; asleep; in his dreams; in his joy;

 in his mourning; if he keeps his tongue still, his hands, his feet,

 his eyes, his attitude, will convey deception--and purposely.

 Even in sermons--

While in public school, I learned a lot about Mark Twain, but I never learned this. Had I felt my lying was a sign of strength rather than of insecurity or weakness, I might have gained self-confidence at a much earlier age. If Mark Twain is right, (and whoever said he is?) lying is an art to be skillfully administered. Lying could also be embraced as a strong social skill to be utilized on a consistent basis. I can only imagine the sense of empowerment that comes with knowing when and how to tell an extremely good lie. 

M.DH. Johnson ( original version published via Pulse on LinkedIn.com

Reference: www.online-literature.com/twain/1320/

Let me introduce Twisted Shakespeare Poetry/Performance Collaborative, a poetry performance venue.

Thank you for visiting www.survivingaday.blogspot.com. You are invited to follow me, friend me, post comments, and keep me company. Let me introduce Twisted Shakespeare Poetry/Performance Collaborative, a venue for poetry readings, comedy, and out-loud presentations in the #Fayetteville, NC area.

Our first event happens September 8, 2016. RSVP for this and any upcoming event at www.meetup.com/twistedshakespeare. Also visit www.facebook.com/twistedshakespeare!

What to expect:

Talkin' and testifyin'

Poetry readings

Comedy and improvisation

Listening and commentary

Networking and friendly support

Whatever we decide.

Twisted Shakespeare is a community-based venue with the mission of encouraging freedom of expression and offering support to poets and performance artists in the local Fayetteville, NC area. 

Come to a place where you can hone your performance skills in a relaxed, supportive, and fun atmosphere. If you plan to attend or perform your work or with proper acknowledgements, any published work, please make sure to RSVP as space is often limited. 

Logo by MDHJohnson (c) 2015 

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When it comes to finding happiness, it's not about winning; it's all about the game.

It doesn't matter who we are, we all have a cross to bear or challenges to overcome. Different people bear different crosses, but the burden or challenge is there. Obstacles appear when we see no way out, but in actuality, most of us don't believe in obstacles. Whether our venture is long and arduous or short and sweet, overcoming challenges creates happiness if it leads to somewhere we think we want to be. As the old song goes, "Many a tear has to fall, but it's all in the game."

The brain likes challenges, likes having something to look forward to, likes climbing mountains, and likes anticipating positive outcomes. Such anticipation creates contentment. When it comes to achieving success, we might not accomplish what we set out to do, but the promise of achievement keeps us focused, organized, motivated and on track. Where possibility exists, happiness follows. 

There was a slogan, "All you need is a dollar and a dream." Somehow, it felt great to ponder the question, "What if?"  With that slogan, happiness lies in the possibility of winning with no guarantees, but when possibility is the end-game, challenges never disappoint. They make us feel happy, at least for a while.

It doesn't matter the challenges we face. What matters is what we do to overcome adversity and how much we are willing to give up in order to get what we want. It's not about the winning or losing, nor about the destination. It's about forward movement and positive feelings created when we have notions of hope and possibility.

When faced with adversity, there must be the expectation that we can and will overcome, but whether we actually overcome an obstacle is really not important. The value of facing and overcoming obstacles is found in how well we improvise or how well we transform reality to get what we want, what we were promised or what we think we deserve. Some call it blessed assurance; others call it positive thinking. Some call it hope; others call it crazy.

From my perspective, it's not about the end-game at all; it's about the in-between game or the strategic move we must make to accomplish our goal. This becomes the motivating factor behind our accomplishments. The sense of hopefulness keeps us going, creates positive feelings, and assures our happiness. 

Call it hope, faith or call it insanity. There is comfort in thinking we have what it takes to win in this world, and as long as we see possibility, we'll create new challenges to overcome. In a perpetual cycle of expectation with no guarantees, challenges become neither obstacles nor crosses to bear. They become motivators and creators of happiness. In my opinion, when it comes to finding happiness, it's not about the winning; it's all about the game.

Reflections on a cringe-worthy domestic violence rerun

I don't like suspenseful movies, but I couldn't stop watching this domestic violence rerun. The brief review that follows inadequately represents what the movie is really about, but I offer it anyway:

A young woman fakes her own death in an attempt to escape her            nightmarish  marriage, but discovers it is impossible to elude her           controlling husband. Sleeping with the Enemy (1991) 

(www.imdb.com).

 Director: 

Joseph Ruben

Writers:

Nancy Price (novel), Ronald Bass (screenplay)

Stars:

Julia Roberts, Patrick Bergin, Kevin Anderson |See full cast & crew »

Domestic violence is defined as "a pattern of abusive behavior in which someone uses physical, sexual, psychological or other types of harm against a current or former partner, an immediate family member or another relative." Signs of domestic violence are usually concealed, and hospitals and schools often miss signs of child abuse as a form of domestic violence. Categories of domestic violence include stalking, threats or other behaviors meant to manipulate, intimidate or control someone else.

Domestic violence is noisy, sloppy, and risky because when people are so out of control as to inflict harm, anything can happen. Voices are raised and arguments escalate into violent behavior. There are sounds of chaos--shattered glass, screams and shrieking, cursing and coughing. There are children crying, as the entire home comes unhinged.


In big, bustling cities where people tend to mind their own business and in quiet little towns where nobody minds their own business, domestic violence happens and goes unreported. Nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States alone. 

Domestic violence is not only about women. Many such victims are men. Domestic violence occurs despite race and ethnicity, and in same sex relationships as in heterosexual relationships. 

Domestic violence was once dismissed as "a domestic affair" by those in authority but due to its prevalence in society, it is beginning to get the attention it deserves. 

Domestic violence changes your perspective on life.
www.domesticviolencehotline/help

That's how it happens. At first you chase happiness; then you crave it.

You are not alone. It happens. One of the understated truths – moments when madness overtakes everything you learned at the university or out on the streets, and you realize you're human – fallible or even gullible after all. You knew the ground was shaky, the territory uncharted, but you opted in anyway, knowing the journey would be long and the road would be rocky and twisted. You suspected the way would be hard, but you also believed, nothing is impossible. You felt you were smarter than those who failed the test and certainly smarter than any chemical. So what happened?

As you sit in your cubicle or other work space, you seem to have everything you want or need, but it's the feeling of happiness that you chase though you'd never admit it, so you make a quick decision. Next thing you know you're on a journey to some place you wondered about but never visited. That's what it's like when you choose to do drugs. You never know if you'll be caught in the rat trap or if you'll be able to outsmart the ones who created the horrid contraption or join the smart ones who escaped addiction and found the road to ultimate bliss.

At the last minute you waffle but you opt in anyway, betting against the odds that you'll be able to experience the euphoria without a scratch, without tell-tale signs, and worst of all, without so much as a prayer. Even the animals know when to take cover and run, but you insist you are a super human, not some creature guided only by instinct. You are savvy, educated and curious, and one chance at paradise is all you need because your life is relatively dull compared to younger days and to be honest, things haven't turned out as expected. Jobs are hard to find and keep, likewise so are good friends. You don't want friends, anyway, not right now, and the job is monotonous, but it pays the bills. 

You want to try something new, something to excite the imagination or dull the throbbing in your brain that whispers words of failure and suggests you're just not good enough. In a state of self-sabotage, you decide. Suddenly, everything they warned you about is ignored and you find yourself driving to the other side of town with some friend you met a month ago posturing as a network of support. You know it takes time to build such networks, but ignoring the warning signs, you tell yourself this is the way things are.

That's how it starts, this habit of self-delusion. You meet them half-way, for half-the price, the balance paid off otherwise, but much too soon the lifestyle becomes unaffordable yet there's no turning back. It seems so innocent with everyone in the room showing you love and acceptance, making you feel you belong somewhere. But once you're hooked and committed they disappear and you're alone on your own, looking for a way back home. 

That's how it happens. At first you chase happiness; then you crave it. Before you know, it's a matter of how do you stop rather than when do you stop the self-sabotage. You want to tell a loved one but you wonder, would they care? You've heard that the negative thinking and feelings are really the addiction speaking. Finally you recall something you heard before: It's never too late to stop the madness and phone a loved one. Or you could pick up the phone and call 1-800-suicide because that's exactly what this kind of self-sabotage is – slow or sudden suicide.

Incessant negative thoughts are the brain's way of telling you something is wrong.

Depending on factors such as genetics, the physical environment or psycho-social influences during childhood, one's emotional system can become overly sensitive to negativity and easily overwhelmed. When traumatic events occur, those with compromised emotional systems can face challenges greater than their ability to cope. For those with weak emotional systems, one overwhelming event can lead to the onset of emotional disorders like Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder (PTSD) or depression. Although these two emotional disorders are different, they share similar symptoms, they often occur together, and they present the same risk factor: death by suicide due to feelings of hopelessness.

Usually, it's the depression that leads to feelings of hopelessness, but more than 40 percent of the time, PTSD already co-exists with depression, and the two emotional disorders become intertwined. Left untreated, these emotional disorders working together can have devastating effects for individuals and their families. Unfortunately, on average, less than a third of those suffering symptoms of an emotional disorder get proper treatment, and this increases the risk of suicide.

Emotional disorders such as PTSD and depression are highly treatable. Treatment can be provided by a licensed mental health professional or through self-help therapies. Yet, on average, less than a third of those suffering symptoms of an emotional illness get treatment. Unfortunately, emotional illnesses and disorders do not disappear on their own. They require some type of intervention.

The first step to intervention is knowing the symptoms:

• sadness, feelings of emptiness
• incessant negative thoughts that occur constantly
• changes in weight for no apparent reason
• loss of appetite
• thoughts of suicide or attempted suicide
• loss of interest in favorite things
• unexplained aches and pains
• inability to concentrate or poor problem-solving ability
• intense or confusing feelings of hopelessness, irritability, anxiety or guilt
• feeling so tired it affects daily activities
• drinking, drinking more than usual or taking prescribed or non-prescribed drugs. 

Our brain works to keep us feeling safe and contented. When the emotional system becomes overwhelmed, the brain can malfunction and become flooded with incessant, negative thoughts which indicate the existence of an emotional disorder like depression. As depression sets in, bodily functions slow down, making it difficult to perform duties, solve problems, or manage daily affairs. This is the brain's way of telling us, something is wrong.  That's when we need to stop and listen to our thoughts, write down symptoms, and if they persist for more than two weeks, go see a health care professional. Having an emotional disorder is not anyone's fault. In fact, 15-20 percent of the population will suffer an emotional disorder sometime in their lives.

Emotional disorders can be a blessing or a curse, depending on what steps are taken to remove stress factors from our lives and build emotional skills. There are many types of intervention from creative arts or integrative therapies to psychotherapy administered by a licensed mental health professional who will help in determining which practices work best for an individual. 

Negative thinking is the depression talking. It serves as a warning against greater problems to come. Emotional disorders like depression and PTSD are highly treatable disorders. It all begins to listening to thoughts and knowing the symptoms. No one should feel isolated or suffer in silence.

Profitize your life & live as you imagined. Follow these 13 steps to adding value to your personal portfolio.

Profitize Your Life

To profitize your life so that you receive financial rewards--invitations, honorable mentions, gifts or anything that makes you feel valued, you might need to invest in yourself in order to close the gap between your real self and your ideal self. Perhaps you need to invest in improving your image in order to profitize your life. Perhaps, it's a matter of building social awareness or emotional intelligence. Maybe it's a matter of joining the right social circles and learning to market your assets. However, it could be something small and insignificant. Sometimes, it's a matter of appearance, and a brand new car will do. But material things rarely add value that lasts.

To profitize something is to assess its worth and add value with the intent of getting a financial return on your investment or added value with cash options. The return can be spiritual, physical, emotional or any combination of the three. To profitize is to change from a position of loss or break even to one where a net gain becomes available or is received in excess of original cost input. In other words, to profitize is to put money in the bank, knowing one day it will pay off, just like any investment.

It's important to know yourself, know your strengths and weaknesses and know what others consider to be valuable. What good is beauty if you don't know what its worth or fail to use it to your advantage? Rest assured, when you are approached for business or otherwise, your appearance is factored in. Depending on how much value it is to someone else, you increase your value and your power of negotiation.

 Your power of negotiation is determined by your ability to profitize your personal worth. You can increase your value and strengthen what you have to offer in 13 simple ways:

• Respect yourself in personal and business relationships.

• Teach others to respect you based on how you treat yourself.

• Understand what you bring to any bargaining table.

• Be willing to ask for what you think you're worth.

• Be willing to walk away from those do not respect your value.

• Do not mistake assets for value. It's a balance between strengths and weaknesses.

• Don't take pride in things you didn't earn or which might be gone tomorrow.

• Value is a combination of spiritual, emotional and physical attributes that earn your respect and make you stand out in a crowd.

• Create a persona for the person you want to be and become that ideal.

• Invest in yourself, your self-improvement, and your emotional development.

• Save your extra money, rather than whittling it away.

• Learn to manage your emotions and show empathy toward others.

• Have integrity, keep to your word, and practice what you preach.

We keep certain principles in mind in order to insure our financial security but often neglect investing in ourselves enough to strengthen our personal portfolio. Take time to overcome personal limitations and profitize your life, keeping in mind, material things rarely have lasting value.

Read the full article  @LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/profitize-your-life-m-h-johnson…

On Memorial Day, I try to remember the laughing, dancing, joking, and precious moments lived.

Memorial Day Tribute:

Letter to my brother who died while serving in the U.S. Army

Dear Junior,

How is every thing for you?  According to mom, things with you are just great!! You missed a nice family reunion.  Well, it was pretty nice even if half the relatives went to a restaurant, while the others had a cookout.  Our sister's children are just beautiful.  They're not babies anymore. Her last one is such a beautiful baby!! He looks exactly like his father.  He has huge dimples and dark eyes and eyebrows, just like his dad. Her oldest one is very large. He is nice,  but he does have a special ability to irritate the heck out of you. 

Our brother D and his wife have a new house on Grande Blvd. It's really large and in a nice neighborhood.    They're making it. They're also expecting their third baby, due in a short time. Our brother CL is the local playboy now that he has his new car. Your little sister, Nan, is getting prettier and she's talking about getting "saved." Yeah, you heard me right. She's also talking about turning away from the church we grew up in.

I'm still very interested in this guy, the one I told you about. If all goes as planned we might send you a wedding invite in December. 

Mom is still looking good in her new car. I love that car--it's just beautiful. I'll be glad when I get one--a new one.

I received your letter the other time but Nan didn't see it yet.  I'm sorry about that. Write her one yourself. You are too much. You had me laughing all over the place about what you said about your new friend. Anyway, you'd better hope you're in luck. Or else (smile).  

Take care and write soon. Your sister,

MD

"Sleep on son and take your rest we all love you but the Lord loves you best. R.I.P."
(Words written by his mother and inscribed on his tombstone.)

It always surprises me that no one seems to know when a loved one is on a suicide mission.

It always surprises me that no one seems to know when someone they love is on a suicide mission. Of course, I know you can never save someone from themselves. Still, knowledge is power. When you think someone has given up, you might stop them, ask them how they're really doing, and reassure them that they are not alone and there is someone who cares whether they make it through this journey called "life," or not.

The list of suicides goes on and on, but the the death of recording artist and musical genius, Prince, especially saddened me and probably you as well. To die leaving at least 300 million dollars to no one in particular seems tragic. Now that he can no longer speak for himself, it seems he has more relatives than the law allows. Where were they when he needed someone to talk to?

If you love someone, you need to check their vital signs, tell them you love them, and spend time with them so they know they are not alone and  they can feel confident knowing you are there to support them. And no, you will not leave. After you have said and done this, you can only hope and pray that what you said made a difference.

The suicide statistics below are excerpted from the website, www.save.org. Access the website for additional information.

Suicide Facts

SAVE uses the most current data available from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.    In 2014, there were 42,773 deaths by suicide in the United States. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death; homicide ranks 17th.  It is the second leading cause of death for 15 - 24 year olds.  Click on the chart to the right which shows the Ten Leading Causes of Death in the U.S. in 2014.  For more data, you may visit  www.cdc.gov or www.who.int.  For more comprehensive data, visit the CDC website's Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS)

General Statistics

• Suicide is the 10^th leading cause of death in the US for all ages. (CDC)
• The suicide rates decreased from 1990-2000 from 12.5 suicides per 100,000 to 10.4 per 100,000.  Over the past decade, however, the rate has again increased to 12.1 per 100,000. Every day, approximately 105 Americans die by suicide. (CDC)
• There is one death by suicide in the US every 12.3 minutes. (CDC)
• Depression affects 20-25% of Americans ages 18+ in a given year. (CDC)
• Suicide takes the lives of over 38,000 Americans every year. (CDC)
• Only half of all Americans experiencing an episode of major depression receive treatment. (NAMI)
• 80% -90% of adolescents that seek treatment for depression are treated successfully using therapy and/or medication. (TADS)
• An estimated quarter million people each year become suicide survivors (AAS).
• There is one suicide for every estimated 25 suicide attempts. (CDC)
• There is one suicide for every estimated 4 suicide attempts in the elderly. (CDC)

It's fine to reflect and recall hardships, but it's better to lay them aside and reach for the moments when someone somewhere showed you love.

I have always been able to make my life happier than it might have been.  As a child, I remember the chaos and unhappiness we sometimes suffered, but I also remember the love. It was something that came naturally and something we shared day to day. Life was not simpler then, but there were more opportunities for finding happiness in the little things. Happiness comes from living in the moment and doing the little things that make you smile, laugh or forget.


As a child my life was filled with sisters, brothers and dreams. One of the little things I remember is the time spent huddled together on my brother's bed situated in the corner of a room at the rear of our house. We'd talk about what we planned to to with our lives or what we learned in school during the week. We'd plan our future together while our parents were away at work. 


We all wanted brand new cars, a large house, two children playing in the yard, and porch swings. We all wanted two cats, two dogs and enough money to go around. We didn't need an excess of dollars, only enough to buy things we needed and a few things that we didn't need. 


Life was simple then, or was it? There were experiences of extreme bullying in schools and gang fights after school; there were acts of domestic violence, child abuse and sexual abuse in homes: there were circumstances of poverty and scarcity, especially after a divorce. But there was also love. 


I could reach back in time and pull out stories of abusive or cheating husbands, domestic arguments and fights; child molesters posturing as relatives, clergymen or senators; child abuse and beatings. Or I could reach for the love that showed up at Thanksgiving and Christmas in the form of mothers at home and in the neighborhood working half-way through the night and serving a meal fit for kings and queens, always with a smile on their faces and a look of love in their eyes. Or I could try to describe the pride on my mother's face at one of our high school graduations because the accomplishments of one was an achievement for an entire family.


One step at a time, chances at life are taken and challenges are faced, but happiness takes place in moments of living and loving, one day at a time. It's fine to reflect and recall hardships, but it's better to lay them aside and reach for the moments when someone somewhere showed you love. Such moments are part of the little things that allow us to appreciate our experiences and find happiness in life.

Nothing great is achieved without risk.

Chapter 1 (an excerpt)

Icicles hung from rooftops, clung to trees and dripped from telephone wires then fell to the ground breaking into shards of glass. Soon I was speeding through twists and turns overlooking Crossville, Tennessee. The trip had been planned a year ago, and I was determined to reach my destination at the designated time.

Weather was "iffy" and roads were glitchy this time of year—icy spots all over, but a lot better than pouring rain which might come without warning in the first week of spring. Worse yet, there might be fog rising from the valley thick as smoke in a forest fire. The locals called it god’s country, and to say it is breath-taking isn't a cliché. The air is so light you can hardly breathe. The Lord above must've had a message: Nothing great is achieved without risk.

I was down to the half-way mark and wasn’t ready to gas up, but in the mountains, I try to keep it half fulI. I had turned off the radio so I’d remember to stop. All I could think about was my destination--warm desert sand, quaint adobe houses, and a new chance at life in Santa Fe. My parole officer would be out of town and by the time he returned, so would I. 

After a light snow, winding through mountains was a challenge, but the roads were clear. Overlooking gorges and small towns far below Interstate 40 was formidable, but I was running out of cash, and  it was the only safe route for drivers heading west.

After all was said and only half done, criss-crossing the country in early spring wasn’t a best decision. Weather was unpredictable, traffic even more so  because of families on spring break. I didn't want to cancel my reservation so I sped a little bit. If they caught me, I hoped it was not before I’d exhausted all my gas and all possibilities for happiness in this life. 

Call it karma, call it quits, I don’t know which caused my psychological demise, but they say you only get caught if you want it. But I didn’t want it, so they said a lie. I saw the lights and the price of gasoline, so I zig-zagged my way toward the next exit, ignored the barricades and flashing lights after making the rash decision to gas up. Who knew how far the next exit would be? All there was next to do was pray for a miracle. 

 Praying for a miracle is something I grew up with, sinning on Saturday, praying for a miracle once I sat in the pews at church on Sunday. But this was different. I didn't feel the presence of god or anyone else. I never felt so doomed and so alone. I was technically a renegade, soon to be convict. But on the other hand there might  be a chance at redemption. How would a judge know whether I saw the flashing lights or not? And with the slightest prayer, I might slide over the mountainous landscape undetected and pull a successful escape.

Then I heard the low rumble of tires skidding, looked up and witnessed a large object in the distance tumbling over the guard rails. Slowly, I circled past the exit and pulled onto an access road winding its way to the highway. In the distance, a stream of smoke was rising from underneath an overpass. I couldn't hold back my sigh of relief. It was a narrow escape.

I wondered if I wasn't also a killer. Manslaughter being what I'd be indicted for. I hoped the pursuit would be easy. I would drive as far as I could until I reached a secluded hotel or abandoned farmhouse. I would hideout for the night. There was a .25 caliber underneath important papers in the glove compartment in case I found the nerve to change my destiny once at the hotel in Santa Fe. Or if there were predators lurking in the darkness.

Overhead, there were sounds of sirens headed west on I-40, tracking the accident or chasing me. I was ready for the consequences, feeling ragtag, exhausted, and out of clues about what else to do.

(c) M.DH. Johnson. All rights reserved

Fear of stigma is the worst killer of all.

Fear is an emotion we all experience because it is linked to survival. Fear is always emotional and often irrational; yet, major decisions are based on fear factors. One of our greatest fears is the fear of stigma because it leads to discrimination, ostracism and even victimization.
Because the fear of stigma is so great, many sufferers of mental, emotional and physical illnesses fail to get treatment from licensed medical professionals, leaving themselves vulnerable to detrimental complications or emotional devastation. Fear often causes sufferers to neglect treatment for what are often very treatable illnesses.

Merriam-Webster defines "stigma" as a set of negative and often unfair beliefs that a society or group of people have about something. It is an attribute, behavior, or reputation which is judged as unfavorable and leads to discrimination and unfair treatment in a society. It discredits and classifies an individual based on negative stereotypes causing self-rejection and rejection by others. Stigmatization can lead to diminished self-esteem and victimization because it is socially discrediting and even, socially acceptable. When the fear of stigma exists, rather than face negative consequences, many sufferers of emotional, mental, and certain physical illnesses choose isolation or self-medication, while their symptoms go unreported and untreated.

Based on statistics, one in four individuals (25%) will suffer a mental or emotional illness during their lifetime, but most of these occurrences will go unreported. According to an article published by the American Psychological Association, "Americans may be as suspicious of people with mental illness as ever...The Journal of Health and Social Behavior (Vol. 41, No. 2), finds that 68 percent of Americans do not want someone with a mental illness marrying into their family and 58 percent do not want people with mental illness in their workplaces." In certain professions or work industries, seeking help for mental or emotional distress is equivalent to a death sentence. After treatment, credibility is diminished and trustworthiness is all but destroyed.

Psychology professor Patrick Corrigan at the Illinois Institute of Technology blames the news media for the way mental illness is viewed.Those suffering mental, emotional, and some physical illnesses are viewed with suspicion or considered a danger to others and to themselves. Compared to the 1950's, people today are twice as likely to suspect mentally ill people of being violent. Statements linking random acts of violence to mental illness run rampant in today's society. For example, says Corrigan, "If a woman drowns her children, people speculate--the media speculates--that she must be off her medication." Such attitudes create fear of stigma among those who suspect they might be suffering from certain illnesses, so instead of seeking professional help, they opt for alternative, even illicit forms of self-medication.

With the present negative attitudes regarding mental health and its treatment, it's no wonder most people suffering emotional and mental challenges don't seek help. Rather than face stigmatization, many hide their symptoms and choose "quick-fix" options as forms of self-medication for illnesses that are highly treatable by health care professionals. With increasing rates of addiction and suicide, fear of stigma is the greatest adversary and worst killer of all. Isn't it time we stopped condemning people for illnesses beyond their control?

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2009/06/stigma.aspx
http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/publications/mental-illness-stigma.html#.VvXOR-zuZZU.twitter

x

I'll just call her Tania, a girl-child born against the odds of ever being loved.

I don't have proof but I know people who do. Angels walk among us. I can talk about it now, but I still can't reveal her name, so I'll just call her Tania, a girl-child born against the odds and never dreaming she'd be on her own with no one to guide her and nothing to indicate she was loved, though she was, if not most of the time at least some of the time, enough of the time for her to grab a moment or two, slip them into her pocket and store them away like precious gems.

That's how she created happiness, moment to moment, one encouraging word and then another until she was nearly thirteen and living in an orphanage where she met Dee but because the older boy was tender and kind, she loved him enough to do him the favor of breaking up before she broke his heart. Still he lingered, tarried, and sought to be near just in case she needed him, which she never did until after he was gone.

It was probably a heart attack because he would never abandon her, but she never knew what happened for sure. She began to regret the fact that she barely even knew him at all and couldn't determine what made him stay through the years knowing she had missed too much love to manufacture enough for even herself. So for a while after turning eighteen, she wandered from town to town hoping she'd see his face across the bar counter or his strong assuring hands serving up drinks while she held out her glass for another round. But it never happened. He had simply vanished.

"Cheers! Cherish the day!" she said after thanking the man at the bar. "I should have had his baby and stayed connected because he was an angel here on earth. I only wish I had some proof that he had been here and somebody once loved me."

"If he was an angel, then he's here right beside you," the older gentleman said. "Why don't you go on home now and crawl into bed." By the time the man had paid for his drinks, Tania was gone.