That's how it happens. At first you chase happiness; then you crave it.

You are not alone. It happens. One of the understated truths – moments when madness overtakes everything you learned at the university or out on the streets, and you realize you're human – fallible or even gullible after all. You knew the ground was shaky, the territory uncharted, but you opted in anyway, knowing the journey would be long and the road would be rocky and twisted. You suspected the way would be hard, but you also believed, nothing is impossible. You felt you were smarter than those who failed the test and certainly smarter than any chemical. So what happened?

As you sit in your cubicle or other work space, you seem to have everything you want or need, but it's the feeling of happiness that you chase though you'd never admit it, so you make a quick decision. Next thing you know you're on a journey to some place you wondered about but never visited. That's what it's like when you choose to do drugs. You never know if you'll be caught in the rat trap or if you'll be able to outsmart the ones who created the horrid contraption or join the smart ones who escaped addiction and found the road to ultimate bliss.

At the last minute you waffle but you opt in anyway, betting against the odds that you'll be able to experience the euphoria without a scratch, without tell-tale signs, and worst of all, without so much as a prayer. Even the animals know when to take cover and run, but you insist you are a super human, not some creature guided only by instinct. You are savvy, educated and curious, and one chance at paradise is all you need because your life is relatively dull compared to younger days and to be honest, things haven't turned out as expected. Jobs are hard to find and keep, likewise so are good friends. You don't want friends, anyway, not right now, and the job is monotonous, but it pays the bills. 

You want to try something new, something to excite the imagination or dull the throbbing in your brain that whispers words of failure and suggests you're just not good enough. In a state of self-sabotage, you decide. Suddenly, everything they warned you about is ignored and you find yourself driving to the other side of town with some friend you met a month ago posturing as a network of support. You know it takes time to build such networks, but ignoring the warning signs, you tell yourself this is the way things are.

That's how it starts, this habit of self-delusion. You meet them half-way, for half-the price, the balance paid off otherwise, but much too soon the lifestyle becomes unaffordable yet there's no turning back. It seems so innocent with everyone in the room showing you love and acceptance, making you feel you belong somewhere. But once you're hooked and committed they disappear and you're alone on your own, looking for a way back home. 

That's how it happens. At first you chase happiness; then you crave it. Before you know, it's a matter of how do you stop rather than when do you stop the self-sabotage. You want to tell a loved one but you wonder, would they care? You've heard that the negative thinking and feelings are really the addiction speaking. Finally you recall something you heard before: It's never too late to stop the madness and phone a loved one. Or you could pick up the phone and call 1-800-suicide because that's exactly what this kind of self-sabotage is – slow or sudden suicide.

Incessant negative thoughts are the brain's way of telling you something is wrong.

Depending on factors such as genetics, the physical environment or psycho-social influences during childhood, one's emotional system can become overly sensitive to negativity and easily overwhelmed. When traumatic events occur, those with compromised emotional systems can face challenges greater than their ability to cope. For those with weak emotional systems, one overwhelming event can lead to the onset of emotional disorders like Post-Traumatic-Stress Disorder (PTSD) or depression. Although these two emotional disorders are different, they share similar symptoms, they often occur together, and they present the same risk factor: death by suicide due to feelings of hopelessness.

Usually, it's the depression that leads to feelings of hopelessness, but more than 40 percent of the time, PTSD already co-exists with depression, and the two emotional disorders become intertwined. Left untreated, these emotional disorders working together can have devastating effects for individuals and their families. Unfortunately, on average, less than a third of those suffering symptoms of an emotional disorder get proper treatment, and this increases the risk of suicide.

Emotional disorders such as PTSD and depression are highly treatable. Treatment can be provided by a licensed mental health professional or through self-help therapies. Yet, on average, less than a third of those suffering symptoms of an emotional illness get treatment. Unfortunately, emotional illnesses and disorders do not disappear on their own. They require some type of intervention.

The first step to intervention is knowing the symptoms:

• sadness, feelings of emptiness
• incessant negative thoughts that occur constantly
• changes in weight for no apparent reason
• loss of appetite
• thoughts of suicide or attempted suicide
• loss of interest in favorite things
• unexplained aches and pains
• inability to concentrate or poor problem-solving ability
• intense or confusing feelings of hopelessness, irritability, anxiety or guilt
• feeling so tired it affects daily activities
• drinking, drinking more than usual or taking prescribed or non-prescribed drugs. 

Our brain works to keep us feeling safe and contented. When the emotional system becomes overwhelmed, the brain can malfunction and become flooded with incessant, negative thoughts which indicate the existence of an emotional disorder like depression. As depression sets in, bodily functions slow down, making it difficult to perform duties, solve problems, or manage daily affairs. This is the brain's way of telling us, something is wrong.  That's when we need to stop and listen to our thoughts, write down symptoms, and if they persist for more than two weeks, go see a health care professional. Having an emotional disorder is not anyone's fault. In fact, 15-20 percent of the population will suffer an emotional disorder sometime in their lives.

Emotional disorders can be a blessing or a curse, depending on what steps are taken to remove stress factors from our lives and build emotional skills. There are many types of intervention from creative arts or integrative therapies to psychotherapy administered by a licensed mental health professional who will help in determining which practices work best for an individual. 

Negative thinking is the depression talking. It serves as a warning against greater problems to come. Emotional disorders like depression and PTSD are highly treatable disorders. It all begins to listening to thoughts and knowing the symptoms. No one should feel isolated or suffer in silence.

Profitize your life & live as you imagined. Follow these 13 steps to adding value to your personal portfolio.

Profitize Your Life

To profitize your life so that you receive financial rewards--invitations, honorable mentions, gifts or anything that makes you feel valued, you might need to invest in yourself in order to close the gap between your real self and your ideal self. Perhaps you need to invest in improving your image in order to profitize your life. Perhaps, it's a matter of building social awareness or emotional intelligence. Maybe it's a matter of joining the right social circles and learning to market your assets. However, it could be something small and insignificant. Sometimes, it's a matter of appearance, and a brand new car will do. But material things rarely add value that lasts.

To profitize something is to assess its worth and add value with the intent of getting a financial return on your investment or added value with cash options. The return can be spiritual, physical, emotional or any combination of the three. To profitize is to change from a position of loss or break even to one where a net gain becomes available or is received in excess of original cost input. In other words, to profitize is to put money in the bank, knowing one day it will pay off, just like any investment.

It's important to know yourself, know your strengths and weaknesses and know what others consider to be valuable. What good is beauty if you don't know what its worth or fail to use it to your advantage? Rest assured, when you are approached for business or otherwise, your appearance is factored in. Depending on how much value it is to someone else, you increase your value and your power of negotiation.

 Your power of negotiation is determined by your ability to profitize your personal worth. You can increase your value and strengthen what you have to offer in 13 simple ways:

• Respect yourself in personal and business relationships.

• Teach others to respect you based on how you treat yourself.

• Understand what you bring to any bargaining table.

• Be willing to ask for what you think you're worth.

• Be willing to walk away from those do not respect your value.

• Do not mistake assets for value. It's a balance between strengths and weaknesses.

• Don't take pride in things you didn't earn or which might be gone tomorrow.

• Value is a combination of spiritual, emotional and physical attributes that earn your respect and make you stand out in a crowd.

• Create a persona for the person you want to be and become that ideal.

• Invest in yourself, your self-improvement, and your emotional development.

• Save your extra money, rather than whittling it away.

• Learn to manage your emotions and show empathy toward others.

• Have integrity, keep to your word, and practice what you preach.

We keep certain principles in mind in order to insure our financial security but often neglect investing in ourselves enough to strengthen our personal portfolio. Take time to overcome personal limitations and profitize your life, keeping in mind, material things rarely have lasting value.

Read the full article  @LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/profitize-your-life-m-h-johnson…

On Memorial Day, I try to remember the laughing, dancing, joking, and precious moments lived.

Memorial Day Tribute:

Letter to my brother who died while serving in the U.S. Army

Dear Junior,

How is every thing for you?  According to mom, things with you are just great!! You missed a nice family reunion.  Well, it was pretty nice even if half the relatives went to a restaurant, while the others had a cookout.  Our sister's children are just beautiful.  They're not babies anymore. Her last one is such a beautiful baby!! He looks exactly like his father.  He has huge dimples and dark eyes and eyebrows, just like his dad. Her oldest one is very large. He is nice,  but he does have a special ability to irritate the heck out of you. 

Our brother D and his wife have a new house on Grande Blvd. It's really large and in a nice neighborhood.    They're making it. They're also expecting their third baby, due in a short time. Our brother CL is the local playboy now that he has his new car. Your little sister, Nan, is getting prettier and she's talking about getting "saved." Yeah, you heard me right. She's also talking about turning away from the church we grew up in.

I'm still very interested in this guy, the one I told you about. If all goes as planned we might send you a wedding invite in December. 

Mom is still looking good in her new car. I love that car--it's just beautiful. I'll be glad when I get one--a new one.

I received your letter the other time but Nan didn't see it yet.  I'm sorry about that. Write her one yourself. You are too much. You had me laughing all over the place about what you said about your new friend. Anyway, you'd better hope you're in luck. Or else (smile).  

Take care and write soon. Your sister,

MD

"Sleep on son and take your rest we all love you but the Lord loves you best. R.I.P."
(Words written by his mother and inscribed on his tombstone.)

It always surprises me that no one seems to know when a loved one is on a suicide mission.

It always surprises me that no one seems to know when someone they love is on a suicide mission. Of course, I know you can never save someone from themselves. Still, knowledge is power. When you think someone has given up, you might stop them, ask them how they're really doing, and reassure them that they are not alone and there is someone who cares whether they make it through this journey called "life," or not.

The list of suicides goes on and on, but the the death of recording artist and musical genius, Prince, especially saddened me and probably you as well. To die leaving at least 300 million dollars to no one in particular seems tragic. Now that he can no longer speak for himself, it seems he has more relatives than the law allows. Where were they when he needed someone to talk to?

If you love someone, you need to check their vital signs, tell them you love them, and spend time with them so they know they are not alone and  they can feel confident knowing you are there to support them. And no, you will not leave. After you have said and done this, you can only hope and pray that what you said made a difference.

The suicide statistics below are excerpted from the website, www.save.org. Access the website for additional information.

Suicide Facts

SAVE uses the most current data available from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.    In 2014, there were 42,773 deaths by suicide in the United States. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death; homicide ranks 17th.  It is the second leading cause of death for 15 - 24 year olds.  Click on the chart to the right which shows the Ten Leading Causes of Death in the U.S. in 2014.  For more data, you may visit  www.cdc.gov or www.who.int.  For more comprehensive data, visit the CDC website's Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS)

General Statistics

• Suicide is the 10^th leading cause of death in the US for all ages. (CDC)
• The suicide rates decreased from 1990-2000 from 12.5 suicides per 100,000 to 10.4 per 100,000.  Over the past decade, however, the rate has again increased to 12.1 per 100,000. Every day, approximately 105 Americans die by suicide. (CDC)
• There is one death by suicide in the US every 12.3 minutes. (CDC)
• Depression affects 20-25% of Americans ages 18+ in a given year. (CDC)
• Suicide takes the lives of over 38,000 Americans every year. (CDC)
• Only half of all Americans experiencing an episode of major depression receive treatment. (NAMI)
• 80% -90% of adolescents that seek treatment for depression are treated successfully using therapy and/or medication. (TADS)
• An estimated quarter million people each year become suicide survivors (AAS).
• There is one suicide for every estimated 25 suicide attempts. (CDC)
• There is one suicide for every estimated 4 suicide attempts in the elderly. (CDC)

It's fine to reflect and recall hardships, but it's better to lay them aside and reach for the moments when someone somewhere showed you love.

I have always been able to make my life happier than it might have been.  As a child, I remember the chaos and unhappiness we sometimes suffered, but I also remember the love. It was something that came naturally and something we shared day to day. Life was not simpler then, but there were more opportunities for finding happiness in the little things. Happiness comes from living in the moment and doing the little things that make you smile, laugh or forget.


As a child my life was filled with sisters, brothers and dreams. One of the little things I remember is the time spent huddled together on my brother's bed situated in the corner of a room at the rear of our house. We'd talk about what we planned to to with our lives or what we learned in school during the week. We'd plan our future together while our parents were away at work. 


We all wanted brand new cars, a large house, two children playing in the yard, and porch swings. We all wanted two cats, two dogs and enough money to go around. We didn't need an excess of dollars, only enough to buy things we needed and a few things that we didn't need. 


Life was simple then, or was it? There were experiences of extreme bullying in schools and gang fights after school; there were acts of domestic violence, child abuse and sexual abuse in homes: there were circumstances of poverty and scarcity, especially after a divorce. But there was also love. 


I could reach back in time and pull out stories of abusive or cheating husbands, domestic arguments and fights; child molesters posturing as relatives, clergymen or senators; child abuse and beatings. Or I could reach for the love that showed up at Thanksgiving and Christmas in the form of mothers at home and in the neighborhood working half-way through the night and serving a meal fit for kings and queens, always with a smile on their faces and a look of love in their eyes. Or I could try to describe the pride on my mother's face at one of our high school graduations because the accomplishments of one was an achievement for an entire family.


One step at a time, chances at life are taken and challenges are faced, but happiness takes place in moments of living and loving, one day at a time. It's fine to reflect and recall hardships, but it's better to lay them aside and reach for the moments when someone somewhere showed you love. Such moments are part of the little things that allow us to appreciate our experiences and find happiness in life.

Nothing great is achieved without risk.

Chapter 1 (an excerpt)

Icicles hung from rooftops, clung to trees and dripped from telephone wires then fell to the ground breaking into shards of glass. Soon I was speeding through twists and turns overlooking Crossville, Tennessee. The trip had been planned a year ago, and I was determined to reach my destination at the designated time.

Weather was "iffy" and roads were glitchy this time of year—icy spots all over, but a lot better than pouring rain which might come without warning in the first week of spring. Worse yet, there might be fog rising from the valley thick as smoke in a forest fire. The locals called it god’s country, and to say it is breath-taking isn't a cliché. The air is so light you can hardly breathe. The Lord above must've had a message: Nothing great is achieved without risk.

I was down to the half-way mark and wasn’t ready to gas up, but in the mountains, I try to keep it half fulI. I had turned off the radio so I’d remember to stop. All I could think about was my destination--warm desert sand, quaint adobe houses, and a new chance at life in Santa Fe. My parole officer would be out of town and by the time he returned, so would I. 

After a light snow, winding through mountains was a challenge, but the roads were clear. Overlooking gorges and small towns far below Interstate 40 was formidable, but I was running out of cash, and  it was the only safe route for drivers heading west.

After all was said and only half done, criss-crossing the country in early spring wasn’t a best decision. Weather was unpredictable, traffic even more so  because of families on spring break. I didn't want to cancel my reservation so I sped a little bit. If they caught me, I hoped it was not before I’d exhausted all my gas and all possibilities for happiness in this life. 

Call it karma, call it quits, I don’t know which caused my psychological demise, but they say you only get caught if you want it. But I didn’t want it, so they said a lie. I saw the lights and the price of gasoline, so I zig-zagged my way toward the next exit, ignored the barricades and flashing lights after making the rash decision to gas up. Who knew how far the next exit would be? All there was next to do was pray for a miracle. 

 Praying for a miracle is something I grew up with, sinning on Saturday, praying for a miracle once I sat in the pews at church on Sunday. But this was different. I didn't feel the presence of god or anyone else. I never felt so doomed and so alone. I was technically a renegade, soon to be convict. But on the other hand there might  be a chance at redemption. How would a judge know whether I saw the flashing lights or not? And with the slightest prayer, I might slide over the mountainous landscape undetected and pull a successful escape.

Then I heard the low rumble of tires skidding, looked up and witnessed a large object in the distance tumbling over the guard rails. Slowly, I circled past the exit and pulled onto an access road winding its way to the highway. In the distance, a stream of smoke was rising from underneath an overpass. I couldn't hold back my sigh of relief. It was a narrow escape.

I wondered if I wasn't also a killer. Manslaughter being what I'd be indicted for. I hoped the pursuit would be easy. I would drive as far as I could until I reached a secluded hotel or abandoned farmhouse. I would hideout for the night. There was a .25 caliber underneath important papers in the glove compartment in case I found the nerve to change my destiny once at the hotel in Santa Fe. Or if there were predators lurking in the darkness.

Overhead, there were sounds of sirens headed west on I-40, tracking the accident or chasing me. I was ready for the consequences, feeling ragtag, exhausted, and out of clues about what else to do.

(c) M.DH. Johnson. All rights reserved