Welcome 2013!

Happy New Year! This new year has got to be better than the one that came before. According to the Mayan calendar, the world we knew ended on 12/21/2012. I believe it because of all we survived in 2012. Nothing could be more promising than the hope of a world filled with laughter, love and compromise between the U.S. Senate & House of Representatives.

Six Stops to Self-Sabotage

Stop Self-sabotaging.

The holiday season is a time to celebrate, no matter what forces try to prevent this from happening. Sometimes, the negative forces come from within us and cause us to sabotage our own happiness.  When this happens, we become our own worst enemy. But nurturing that enemy within requires hard work, and it starts with diminishing our own self-esteem, undermining our accomplishments, and feeding negative thoughts. When we turn against ourselves, we begin to feel unworthy of happiness, and if happiness comes our way, we slowly destroy it with acts of self-sabotage.

Acts of self-sabotage are often subconscious. Such acts include destructive behaviors that create incompetence; behaviors that destroy our good reputation; undermining our progress or accomplishments; discontinuing successful activities; overeating; failing important exams; being a no-show for important meetings or events; being late for interviews. There are many situations in which the fear of success creates more stress than the fear of failure, and in order to cope with success, diminished self-esteem causes us to sabotage or destroy any possibility for success.

Self-sabotage begins with diminished self-esteem, but self-esteem can be strengthened. Changing negative patterns of thought and behavior won’t happen overnight, but with genuine effort, we can change our thoughts from negative to positive. This begins with knowing, accepting and appreciating ourselves enough to accept the good things that come our way. Sabotaging our hard work and happiness is a choice, whether we realize it or not, and self-sabotage can be stopped.

There are six ways to stop self-sabotage:

1) Know yourself.

2) Accept yourself.

3) Express your emotions.

4) Celebrate yourself and your accomplishments.

5) Attach yourself to a spiritual belief greater than yourself.

6) Attach yourself to a larger social community.

1. Knowing ourselves allows us to understand the unique attributes that create who we are. Things like spiritual or religious beliefs, emotional strengths and weaknesses, fears and fantasies separate us from others. Self-knowledge includes knowing what triggers our defense mechanisms and what our defensive tendencies happen to be.

2. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Perfection is impossible, and the sooner we accept that we are imperfect the happier we will be. We all come with strengths and weaknesses which we can improve but some things about us will never change. This we need to accept. We can have role models who inspire us to be our best, but they are not us and we are not them. One thing for sure, we must learn to live with ourselves, changing what we can and accepting what we can't change.

3. “Silence is golden.” We have heard this a thousand times, but silence is detrimental to our health. Emotions are meant to be expressed at the right time and in an appropriate context or situation. If not, pent-up emotions have a way of coming out at the most inappropriate time. We must learn to express ourselves often but in the appropriate situation and without undermining others.

4. No community is valid until it learns to celebrate. Likewise, no person is whole until she or he learns to celebrate accomplishments and finds ways to show gratitude. Celebrations can be social like holidays or birthdays or they can be personal, like dinner at a special restaurant after passing an exam or receiving an award. The occasions for celebration are endless.

5. According to psychologist Carl Jung, most mental illness stems from being disconnected to a higher spiritual power.  A spiritual connection allows us to develop faith when things seem impossible. A spiritual connection allows us to accept what is happening and gain spiritual strength to overcome adversity in life.

6. No one is an island. We are social animals and we need to connect with a larger society. According to psychololgist, Abraham Maslow, humans are born with a hierarchy of needs which begin with our need for safety and include the need for social belonging and acceptance. When it comes to wants, we can choose to ignore them, but needs must be met. It is important for us to find kinship in groups that share our interests, goals, or other qualities. Being accepted by a group builds self-confidence and bolsters our self-esteem.

There are many ways to prevent self-sabotage, but they are probably contained in the six ways listed above. Like any new learning, practice makes perfect, but since nothing is perfect, it helps to know that changing anything takes time. Likewise, changing self-sabotaging habits will take time.
(c) M.D. Johnson (2012)

What happened in Newtown, CT is a reflection of what we have become.

To everything, there is a season and this seems to be our season for mourning--not that the world is coming to an end according to the Mayan calendar but because our lives are out of balance and the universal order of things insists on balance. Our life cycle is a balance of joy and pain, ebb and flow. In the end, life is balanced, despite horrific acts like what happened in Newtown, CT.

Our society is sadly out of balance--top 1%  versus the 47 percent; top companies robbing the rest of us blind; Congress more interested in reelection than the jobs they were hired to do; violence permeating our society (4 mass murders, not to mention the murders on the street or around drugs along with TV violence and violence played out by millions every day via video games)--need I say more?

Like the mass murders that came before, what happened in Newtown, CT is a reflection of what we have become. Our country is in a state of crisis, and yet, our society fails to acknowledge it and do something about it. How many families must grieve the loss of innocent victims before we say, enough is enough? Our karmic and ecologic footprints will soon lead us to an eve of destruction, not because of ancient calendars but because of our own wrong doing and lack of concern for the world in which we live. To everything, there is a season, and this is a very dark season for us. But it's not the end of the world. It can be a wake-up call to all of us.

Mass Murders in Newtown,CT made us stop and ask:

The mass murders in Newtown, CT made us stop to ask, “What’s happening to the world we once knew, when we all felt safe and people believed that it takes a village, and they lived according to the concept of neighbors helping neighbors?” Small towns or small town settings created within big city neighborhoods gave us a sense of community. This sense of community gave us feelings of identity and safety, and it gave us a sense of pride.

Small town communities were commonplace in historical rural towns and in neighborhoods within big cities. They assured our safety against outsiders. Today, many small places exist in areas adjacent to large cities, and they come with a high price tag. But sometimes, even a high price tag can’t assure safety. Likewise, sometimes the sense of community is presumed, often based on appearances, and we might find ourselves living next to strangers like the gunman in Newtown, CT.

I grew up in a city, not a small town, but it was a time when neighbors could be counted on to do everything from lending a cup of sugar to disciplining a child. It was a time when you knew better than to break the rules even if your parents weren’t home because they’d find out from the neighbors and you’d get two whippings, one for the dastardly deed and another for embarrassing your parents in public. Back then, the slogan was true: “If you see something, say something,” and neighbors always saw something to tell our parents about. There was no use hating them because they had your parents' approval to be surrogate parents, and when you grew up, you sat on their porch listening to them share what they knew about you and you told them how much you appreciate their watchful eyes and wagging tongues.

Our neighbor living across the street had eagle’s eyes. He would sit on the porch all day, just watching. We’d call him nosey, meddling, pervert or whatever, despite the fact that his wife joined him on the front porch after dinner dishes were washed and put away. Life was simple then. We didn’t have to worry about neighbors going berserk or strangers coming in to attack us. There were too many pairs of eyes keeping watch.We felt safe, protected by so many in the community. 

It took a village then and it takes a village now. We need to become more acquainted beyond generalities, and we need to know more about each other. But for now, only neighbors helping neighbors can get us through the tragedy and trauma caused by a wounded, self-absorbed murderer of so many innocent people in Newtown, Ct.

Knowing steps to CPR--an act of kindness & a responsibility.

The American Red Cross trains about 4 million people a year in CPR. Yet, only 30 percent of Americans are trained and certified in CPR. Four out of five cardiac arrests happen at home and 19 of 20 people who suffer cardiac arrest die. Usually, it’s a loved one. Ninety-five percent of people who suffer Sudden Cardiac Arrest outside of a hospital die. When we know CPR, we give someone a chance to live.

CPR training is different for children and adults. For each population, the techniques are specific. Since I was only trained in performing CPR on adults, this post reflects what I've learned. However, I will include a link to a video from you-tube. Reading the information below or watching the you-tube video is not a substitute for taking a training class and becoming certified in CPR. In a training class, there is an instructor to teach and guide you through the process of performing CPR. You get hands-on experience and opportunities to ask questions. You even get time to practice the chest compressions until you get the pressure right, with additional help from classmates. When I took the adult CPR course, they gave us a latex torso figure to practice on. During chest compressions, when the correct pressure was applied, the torso would beep.

In the past, performing CPR entailed chest compressions and also breathing for someone but today the technique is simplified and just as effective. According to research and a recent TV segment aired on America Now, there are important steps to performing CPR the right way. The old fashioned way worked, but this new technique proves to be at least as effective.  You can use the following information as a guide, but it is important to schedule a CPR adult training course which is usually 4 hours long, 8 hours if you include the children’s CPR training.

If you suspect someone has suffered Sudden Cardiac Arrest, based on my CPR training and the segment on America Now, the 3 steps to performing CPR on adults are as follows:

1. Call 911

2. Start CPR

3. Keep a steady rhythm going until help arrives.

A more detailed explanation is as follows:

• Call 911 or have someone else do so while you begin CPR.
• Ask the person if they’re alright.
• If no response, position the person on his/her back and start chest compressions.
• Put the heel of one hand in the middle of the chest and place the other hand over it.
• Press down using some of your body’s weight, not just the arms.
• Push down about 2 inches (Warning: Bones may break but they can be mended if the person lives).
• Pump continuously up to 600 times, stop to check, repeat. Repeat until Emergency responders arrive.
• Continue chest compressions, following the rhythm of the song, “Stayin’ Alive,” by the Beegees.
• Don’t give up and don’t stop. You are pumping air/breath/life into the individual and essentially breathing for them until help arrives.

CPR for children is different, so it is important to learn which techniques to use with children. The American Red Cross can provide information and training on the very latest techniques used for children as well as adults. However, the following you-tube video gives some information on CPR for children.

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If you memorize the rules for performing CPR, you might be able to save a life. However, if you take CPR training with the American Red Cross, (http://www.redcross.org ), you will definitely be prepared to save a life, if called upon.  Sometimes, survival depends on someone else, and it’s up to each of us to be prepared. There is no greater sense of helplessness than not knowing what to do in a life or death situation.

When faced with the challenge of saving a life, knowing CPR means we don’t have to be helpless observers. We can make a difference. It is not enough to memorize the rules. We all should enroll in free CPR classes or CPR training presented by the American Red Cross and become certified in CPR. Afterwards, we should practice until we feel comfortable with the techniques. The life we save could be that of a loved one. 

Emotions Must Be Expressed.

Express yourself.

Self-expression can be achieved in many ways. Ten easy ways to express emotions are:

1.       Talking and sharing

2.       Writing and reflecting

3.       Kvetching and complaining

4.       Singing and songwriting

5.       Listening to music

6.       Cooking and entertaining

7.       Drawing or painting

8.       Driving and admiring the landscape

9.       Dancing

10.     Shopping

People who stifle their feelings and emotions get stuffed up. People who get stuffed up, get stuck. If unable to connect with feelings, we can become disconnected from ourselves and others and suffer emotional disorders. When faced with traumatic circumstances, we can shut down completely or find ourselves unable to solve problems. Traumatic events like hurricane Katrina, 9/ll, or witnessing death and destruction can lead to PTSD and depression if we are unable to express feelings and emotions.

However we choose to express emotions, it’s important to remember that emotions must be expressed. Whether expressed willingly or involuntarily, emotions will rise to the surface causing us to “act out” or “act in.”  When we “act out,” unexpressed emotions can cause us to take dangerous risks. When emotions are kept in, we can develop physical illnesses. With so many ways to express emotions, we can stay connected to ourselves and others.