How to live with integrity--It's not that we don't want to try.

How to live with integrity--It's not that we don't want to try.

It's funny how we spend so much time trying to get educated, get employed, get satisfied that we forget to spend time on how to live with integrity. We blunder from relationship to relationship never quite knowing why they ended or why we fell into them in the first place. It's not that we don't want to try--I think we do, but I don't think many of us know where to start.

Back in the day, such personal things were not discussed, and today due to lack of family time, they aren't really discussed. What is the formula for living and dying with a smile on your face? I don't have the answer, but I know what worked and didn't work for me. Had I died as a child, I would have been too embarrassed to knock on Heaven's door, because I was a failure when it came to helping others. How could I help others when I was too busy trying to survive?

When I was a child, I read books. There were books on etiquette, books on sex, books on boys, books on parents, books on travel, but I never could find a book that helped me understand me. When I found myself in a touchy situation, I had two gears--flight or fight, and I'm no coward. Running was never an option. As a result, I got into more fights than I can remember, but I never lost. One time, no make that two, it was a draw. Well, one time I actually lost but hid the evidence.

Other than that, I was a winner in fights, and a loser in life because I had no goals, no self-awareness, and no personality--at least not at school. I was afraid to show what I really felt for fear of being disliked. I found success, but in comparison to what? I never dreamed I had qualities that might have taken me to the moon. It took years before I understood that everything is not mortal combat, as I once assumed it was.

In the present global economy, the importance of self-awareness is well-known. In fact, it's the key to success, or at least, it's an important aspect of it. Also important is having a empathy for others. According to business leaders, it's not the Intelligence Quotient (IQ) that wins the most points in the professional world, it's the Emotional Quotient (EQ). Emotional intelligence is as old as the hills. We have all probably heard, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." That's a lesson in empathy, one key measure of emotional intelligence. Through the years, it's been called different things, but the point is the same. We need to know ourselves, understand others, and try to "walk a mile in someone else's shoes."

Successful living requires the we have this knowledge even in childhood. From this basic knowledge, we are able to build on our strengths. We can't try to adjust our personality to everyone we meet, and we can't expect others to change according to us. Somewhere in dealing with others, there is a middle ground, a meeting place, or a place to start, but it all begins with self-respect. If people disrespect us, we need to let them know verbally and tactfully how they made us feel. If we're the culprit, we need to accept that no one is perfect and try to understand how someone else might feel.

Respect for self and others is not so hard to do, but nor is it easy. Yet, it's required if we want to achieve success in life. Knowing and respecting our boundaries gives us integrity, and this keeps us from melting into nothingness. You know what they say: "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Each of us has a purpose for being here. Finding that purpose and acting on it is part of what it takes to live a purposeful life.
(c) M.D. Johnson (2012)