Halloween: "Thrills, Chills or Other Zany Ill's."

In 2014, two-thirds of all Americans had plans to celebrate Halloween, spending an average amount of $77.52 on candy, costumes, and decorations. Half of Americans planned to give out two pieces of candy to 42.1 million trick-or-treaters, ages 5-14 (CNN.com). In other words, Halloween in America remains a significant celebration. But what is it about Halloween?

What is it about being terrified and fascinated at the same time, like watching for Freddy Krueger peeking from behind a door, fearing someone will die, but fascinated by the method to be used in the process? Halloween is a celebration that holds a similar mystique not only for children, but for adults as well.


With 66.7 percent of Americans decorating their homes and offices, Halloween exceeds Thanksgiving Day for most interest and creativity in the way it is observed. Only Christmas creates more interest and candy sales. "As one of the world's oldest holidays, Halloween is still celebrated today in several countries around the globe, but it is in North America and Canada that it maintains its highest level of popularity"(www.novareinna.com/festive/world.html).


When I was a child, we were not allowed to go outdoors on Halloween, but Trick-or-Treat happened the night before, and whatever distance we could travel before returning home by midnight was acceptable. We spent weeks eagerly planning which outfits we would ask our mother to make. On this important occasion before Halloween, my siblings and I would leave home, dressed to impress. We would then scout the best neighborhoods near our side of town in order to fill large decorated brown bags (made strong especially for trappings of Halloween like candy apples, oranges, bags of marshmallows, bubble gum, and candy bars of all types and sizes). We'd start out at dusk and return home by midnight, a tribe of five older children who brought home enough snacks to share with those too small for trekking through dark streets and following porch lights that signaled it was okay to knock on the doors and request, "Trick or Treat."


After returning home, it was a quick bath and off to bed, but in the morning, it was finding a separate corner in which to examine and categorize the goodies before deciding which treats would be shared and which would not. In separate areas of a bedroom, each of us would discard any unwrapped treats, tossing them into the trash no matter how delicious they looked. If caught eating anything unwrapped, the entire bag of goodies would be confiscated. Eating as much candy and junk food as a body could handle was gluttony, which was considered a sin, but on Halloween, it was allowed.


It was a frightening experience, following our brother and his twin sister because all we could see in the darkness was their backs and the houses on opposite sides of the street, so we simply followed and prepared for the worst as the two eldest led us through winding streets, around creepy corners, and past noisy, barking dogs. We expected giant spiders and gooey spider webs; green-faced witches and grotesque goblins; big, angry black cats trying to cross our paths; drooling monsters of all kinds. Along the way, we saw many action figures and superheros, and a few real-life bullies hoping to steal bags of goodies from the smaller children without doing any of the hard work. The only surprise was having a heavy bag split open, spilling candy all over the sidewalk and ground like gummy bear guts.


Arriving home with a bag of treats intact was a miracle in itself, and arriving home with no poisoned treats was even more so. That was the way it was throughout our years of trick-or-treating on our own--kids and the neighbors celebrating together--until somebody gave poisoned fruit to some kids and taking treats from younger children led to warnings and curfews being put into place. 

For me, Trick-or-Treat is an event that conjures fond memories that are as vivid today as they were yesterday, and even with all of the mystery and element of surprise, I wouldn't change a thing. What are your best memories of Halloween? 

Can love in intimate relationships exist without sex?

Can love exist without sex?

If you really think about it, love is a combination of subtle emotions, but the essence of love is a feeling of completeness. When we say we love someone, we are trying to describe an emotion that defies definition or description: completeness. "Completeness" is more a strong sensation than an emotion because it is different for each individual.  When someone fulfills our physical and emotional needs, we feel "complete" because important human needs are being met. 

According to Abraham Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs," feelings of trust, safety, intimacy, and acceptance reflect important human needs, and fulfilling needs creates feelings of well-being, especially when combined with sexual fulfillment. But sexual intimacy creates a different set of needs, including the need for safety or permanence in the relationship based on feelings of love.

Love is defined as "an intense feeling of deep affection," and because of its level of intensity, such deep affection creates a desire for emotional and physical "completeness" or sexual intimacy. But once a relationship becomes sexual, there are hormonal changes that often lead to a need for greater emotional attachment, more often for women who usually work harder to ensure their object of affection remains connected and dedicated to the relationship. 

Sexual intimacy is reassuring and it creates an emotional bond, but it also can create anxiety or insecurity. Fulfilling our need for love or emotional "completeness" is a human need, but must it include sexual intimacy? Can love exist without sex? 

-mhjohnson

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See Also: Oxytocin: The Love and Trust Hormone Can Be Deceptive | Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-gratitude/201310/oxytocin-the-love-and-trust-hormone-can-be-deceptive

Do you know someone who needs her story told? I do. Her name is Martha.

Hi, My name is Martha, and I am a twin. My sister and I bonded in our mother's womb, and we kicked and played like any normal kids, despite the fact that our mother suffered physical, emotional, and verbal abuse and despite the fact that she even fell down on the porch in her eighth month of pregnancy.

It's been said, she was huge and we were a heavy burden, but she was proud to be having two of us, despite the fact that he worked late hours and sometimes stayed out all night after the restaurant closed. I could taste the bitterness of stress whenever she was upset, but after all was said and done, the three of us survived. 

I was born first and my sister followed, and all seemed well, but it wasn't long before they realized, something was wrong.  My speech wasn't developing, and I couldn't follow instructions when I was given something to do.  My appearance was normal (I think I looked prettier than my twin sister but she was pretty, too). My body was perfect. I had strong legs and a perfect shape for a little girl.  

My sister and I played and made cooing sounds in the baby bed all day and sometimes at night. We'd awake and one of us would start cooing, then it was both of us, then one of my big sisters along with my big brother would arrive to change the sheets, change our diapers, and feed us a bottle of milk while our mother tried to catch some rest. Those were the glory days, the land of milk and honey with a mother, father, and a houseful of kids who played with us and fed us when our mother was too exhausted.

Then one day it happened. I had to go away because I couldn't attend school and my mother had to work while the other kids went to school. They said I would never achieve more skills than a four-year old, even if my mother followed the doctors' instructions and treated me like any normal kid. But my mother didn't because she couldn't force me to do what didn't come natural. Even though I was just as big as my twin sister and old enough in years, I was still a baby in my mental abilities.

So they sent me away and my mother visited every week until I had to move two hours north. Then she saw me once a month. I'm fine, now and if you let me tell it, I don't think anything is wrong. In fact I'm better than many kids who were damaged at birth because at least, I don't know I'm mentally retarded (or mentally "disabled" is what they like to say), and at least I don't know about being normal coming out of the womb when that inexperienced intern applied too much pressure and used the forceps incorrectly as I was being delivered.  We didn't find this out until it was time for me to be admitted into my new home at age nine. My mother read the new doctor's report and cried, but I never knew why.

That's my story, and I think people like me need to be heard about. I can't write. My sister writes for me, but if you know someone who needs you to write their story, you can write it anytime. They'll appreciate it as much as I do.
Post her story here or at www.emomastery.com. mhjohnson

Can you determine joy and sadness based only on words?

It's hard to know the difference between joy and sadness because of the "blurred lines" between appearances and reality. According to studies, we learn much more about people and their emotions through facial expressions and body language than we learn through words. Emotions show on a face unless an individual is able to mentally control his/her physical reactions or control emotional responses. Compared to facial expressions and body language, what people say means very little. It's mostly facial expressions and body language that tell us how someone really feels.

If you wish to use this drawing as a Writing Prompt,  feel free to respond in writing:

•  Considering body language and facial expression alone, how do you think the person in this drawing feels? Is this a portrayal of happiness, sadness, or something in between?

• Feel free to color this drawing if it makes it appear more realistic. Then, in a 5-minute writing, respond to this picture. 

• Post your response to www.emomastery.com and qualify for a free writing session. You can also store your writing in a safe place and continue another day.

So many of us are looking for role models or someone to follow because we don't want to appear different. This works for some people, but for others, not so much. As you travel through this world, don't deny your right to be who you are. Sometimes, this is frightening since most people rarely expose their weaknesses or vulnerabilities. Six points to keep in mind:

• You can't hide a source of power, so embrace yours while appreciating the gifts of others. 

• You are endowed with unique abilities yet to be discovered, so embrace the light that shines within you and make it bright enough to share. 

• Don't be afraid of your brilliance nor be ashamed of your blunders or whatever you feel are imperfections here on Planet Earth. If you sometimes feel like a Vulcan or someone from an alien planet, just remember that you are a child of the universe and you have a right to be you.

• There will be times when you won't fly, so be prepared to walk. There is merit in walking among diverse populations who share different perspectives. Imagine the surprises you might find learning to thrive outside of your comfort zone.

• Live with integrity. Do not forget to walk in your own light, even if you are denied access or even if you must overcome challenges before being placed on a long waiting list, and even if you have to fight for your right to be human and different and beautiful.

• Listen well. Use your keen sense of hearing and learn to anticipate obstacles. By listening to yourself and others, you will also avoid arrogance and self-centeredness, which create negative energy and responses.

You don't need the limelight of others to carve your identity. Your power lies in your ability to accept who you are and to walk that very thin line between humanity and spirituality. Life itself, might be your greatest challenge, but you were born with a purpose and with the innate ability to fly above the mundane when necessary, so as to achieve your mission in life. 

Needs are different from wants. They are physical, emotional or spiritual requirements and they are non-negotiable.

What is freedom, and if offered would you take it?
I've had no job, service jobs, volunteer jobs, government jobs, and private-industry jobs, and neither type of job is sufficient when it comes to happiness. Each employment status and niche comes with its own set of rules and regulations to follow, but if you violate the rules, you risk losing it all. But what is "it"? Is it freedom that you lose?

Singer/songwriter Janis Joplin sings these lyrics in a song: "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose." But Janis Joplin was a rock singer, not a philosopher, and from what I know about her life, she never knew freedom. In fact, I don't think most of us achieve freedom, and if we were offered true freedom, would we know what to do with it?

Our lives are programmed for us from the day we are born.  We are told to work hard, study hard, volunteer or donate, get a job, and become prosperous. For inspiration, we are offered images of the trappings we are supposed to desire--new cars, new houses or condos, new job advancements, new faces, new body parts, and new horizons easily attainable by way of travel. We are told that to acquire all of these possessions is to achieve greatness, but most of us think we work for financial freedom. But would you rather have greatness or financial and emotional freedom?

Based on what psychologist Abraham Maslow called a "hierarchy of human needs," we don't need the trappings of worldly possessions and we don't need freedom, but as we accomplish goals, our human needs are being fulfilled. Whether we admit it or not, there is something comforting in being told what to do in the workplace, in school, and in religious institutions. Our political and public leaders are elected by the public for the public, but when they fail us, we fail to be outraged. We simply keep focused on our "end game" which includes achieving personal and financial goals, staying out of jail, and having enough fun in our youth so we can be satisfied to raise a family and make the necessary sacrifices when the time comes to fulfill the need for family connections.

As we follow a path prescribed for us, we fulfill basic and higher needs. The  hierarchy of needs outlined by Abraham Maslow, other psychologists, and educators are categorized as basic and higher needs. Only after basic needs are met do higher needs arise. Our human needs include:

• The need for basic necessities, like food, shelter, water, and warmth;
• The need for safety;
• The need for love, acceptance and belonging;
• The need for heightened self-esteem and appreciation;
• The need for spiritual connection to a higher power and/or to spiritual others;
• The need for self-actualization, achieving ones highest potential and sharing or "paying it forward" for altruistic reasons.

This summary of Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of basic and higher needs is often diagrammed as a pyramid, with the bottom of the pyramid reserved for basic needs and the apex of the pyramid representing the highest need, self actualization.

If you think about the many ways we fulfill these human needs, it becomes apparent that the reason we do most things is because we need to, no matter how altruistic and self-less our efforts appear to be. Some of us need a greater sense of empowerment while others don't need as much, but we all are in this world to fulfill the same needs at some point in our lives, and according to the society in which we live, the sooner we attend to fulfilling these needs, the better.

Needs are not wants. Because needs are physical, emotional or spiritual requirements, they are non-negotiable. When we want something, we can take it or leave it; However, needs must be met in some way. If we fail to understand the difference between wants and needs, we experience personal dissatisfaction, spiritual confusion, sadness or emotional chaos. Educational and religious institutions are on guard to keep us focused on achieving a sense of purpose in life, and having a purpose in life allows us to more easily fulfill our higher needs.

When I think of the lyrics to Janis Joplin's song, "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose," I am reminded that freedom is not a basic need nor is it required. So why do we value it so much, or do we? What need does "freedom" really fulfill? Is it simply a motivator that keeps us focused on a purpose in life? Which inspires you more, the idea of freedom or the idea of greatness? 

Part of getting better is having the courage to change.

When you feel ill and think there is no way to escape your physical or emotional suffering, it's easy to give up. If you don't admit that something is making you feel sick, you will become more so. It takes courage to change thoughts and habits.


If you think you might be destroying your happiness, see a physician. Before visiting a physician, discover how you really feel. Discover what you think about. Discover where you hurt. Try to learn whether your pain is physical, emotional, or both. Try to learn whether your feelings are created by people or by something else. You don't need to consciously focus on these statements. All you need to do is find a quiet place to sit down and write.


Free-write non-stop (making no corrections or erasures) for five minutes only, every day for two weeks.  As you express your thoughts and feelings, you will feel better. At the end of two weeks, read what you have written. As you take note of your writings, you will discover patterns of thought and behavior.  With two weeks of writing you can track your thoughts and feelings. If your thoughts are mostly negative, you might need to see your family doctor. If they are not, you can still uncover what is really bothering you and begin solving problems.


It takes courage to write, and it takes discipline to continue writing for two weeks, but patterns of thought and feelings tracked for at least two weeks are useful for self-discovery and for physicians when it comes to diagnosing problems and determining whether any treatment is needed. It's not easy to keep track of your thoughts, moods, responses, and physical symptoms, and it's especially difficult to remember them if you don't write them down. Writing is an act of courage, but once the process begins, it is an act of empowerment.