Can you determine joy and sadness based only on words?

It's hard to know the difference between joy and sadness because of the "blurred lines" between appearances and reality. According to studies, we learn much more about people and their emotions through facial expressions and body language than we learn through words. Emotions show on a face unless an individual is able to mentally control his/her physical reactions or control emotional responses. Compared to facial expressions and body language, what people say means very little. It's mostly facial expressions and body language that tell us how someone really feels.

If you wish to use this drawing as a Writing Prompt,  feel free to respond in writing:

•  Considering body language and facial expression alone, how do you think the person in this drawing feels? Is this a portrayal of happiness, sadness, or something in between?

• Feel free to color this drawing if it makes it appear more realistic. Then, in a 5-minute writing, respond to this picture. 

• Post your response to www.emomastery.com and qualify for a free writing session. You can also store your writing in a safe place and continue another day.

So many of us are looking for role models or someone to follow because we don't want to appear different. This works for some people, but for others, not so much. As you travel through this world, don't deny your right to be who you are. Sometimes, this is frightening since most people rarely expose their weaknesses or vulnerabilities. Six points to keep in mind:

• You can't hide a source of power, so embrace yours while appreciating the gifts of others. 

• You are endowed with unique abilities yet to be discovered, so embrace the light that shines within you and make it bright enough to share. 

• Don't be afraid of your brilliance nor be ashamed of your blunders or whatever you feel are imperfections here on Planet Earth. If you sometimes feel like a Vulcan or someone from an alien planet, just remember that you are a child of the universe and you have a right to be you.

• There will be times when you won't fly, so be prepared to walk. There is merit in walking among diverse populations who share different perspectives. Imagine the surprises you might find learning to thrive outside of your comfort zone.

• Live with integrity. Do not forget to walk in your own light, even if you are denied access or even if you must overcome challenges before being placed on a long waiting list, and even if you have to fight for your right to be human and different and beautiful.

• Listen well. Use your keen sense of hearing and learn to anticipate obstacles. By listening to yourself and others, you will also avoid arrogance and self-centeredness, which create negative energy and responses.

You don't need the limelight of others to carve your identity. Your power lies in your ability to accept who you are and to walk that very thin line between humanity and spirituality. Life itself, might be your greatest challenge, but you were born with a purpose and with the innate ability to fly above the mundane when necessary, so as to achieve your mission in life. 

Needs are different from wants. They are physical, emotional or spiritual requirements and they are non-negotiable.

What is freedom, and if offered would you take it?
I've had no job, service jobs, volunteer jobs, government jobs, and private-industry jobs, and neither type of job is sufficient when it comes to happiness. Each employment status and niche comes with its own set of rules and regulations to follow, but if you violate the rules, you risk losing it all. But what is "it"? Is it freedom that you lose?

Singer/songwriter Janis Joplin sings these lyrics in a song: "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose." But Janis Joplin was a rock singer, not a philosopher, and from what I know about her life, she never knew freedom. In fact, I don't think most of us achieve freedom, and if we were offered true freedom, would we know what to do with it?

Our lives are programmed for us from the day we are born.  We are told to work hard, study hard, volunteer or donate, get a job, and become prosperous. For inspiration, we are offered images of the trappings we are supposed to desire--new cars, new houses or condos, new job advancements, new faces, new body parts, and new horizons easily attainable by way of travel. We are told that to acquire all of these possessions is to achieve greatness, but most of us think we work for financial freedom. But would you rather have greatness or financial and emotional freedom?

Based on what psychologist Abraham Maslow called a "hierarchy of human needs," we don't need the trappings of worldly possessions and we don't need freedom, but as we accomplish goals, our human needs are being fulfilled. Whether we admit it or not, there is something comforting in being told what to do in the workplace, in school, and in religious institutions. Our political and public leaders are elected by the public for the public, but when they fail us, we fail to be outraged. We simply keep focused on our "end game" which includes achieving personal and financial goals, staying out of jail, and having enough fun in our youth so we can be satisfied to raise a family and make the necessary sacrifices when the time comes to fulfill the need for family connections.

As we follow a path prescribed for us, we fulfill basic and higher needs. The  hierarchy of needs outlined by Abraham Maslow, other psychologists, and educators are categorized as basic and higher needs. Only after basic needs are met do higher needs arise. Our human needs include:

• The need for basic necessities, like food, shelter, water, and warmth;
• The need for safety;
• The need for love, acceptance and belonging;
• The need for heightened self-esteem and appreciation;
• The need for spiritual connection to a higher power and/or to spiritual others;
• The need for self-actualization, achieving ones highest potential and sharing or "paying it forward" for altruistic reasons.

This summary of Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of basic and higher needs is often diagrammed as a pyramid, with the bottom of the pyramid reserved for basic needs and the apex of the pyramid representing the highest need, self actualization.

If you think about the many ways we fulfill these human needs, it becomes apparent that the reason we do most things is because we need to, no matter how altruistic and self-less our efforts appear to be. Some of us need a greater sense of empowerment while others don't need as much, but we all are in this world to fulfill the same needs at some point in our lives, and according to the society in which we live, the sooner we attend to fulfilling these needs, the better.

Needs are not wants. Because needs are physical, emotional or spiritual requirements, they are non-negotiable. When we want something, we can take it or leave it; However, needs must be met in some way. If we fail to understand the difference between wants and needs, we experience personal dissatisfaction, spiritual confusion, sadness or emotional chaos. Educational and religious institutions are on guard to keep us focused on achieving a sense of purpose in life, and having a purpose in life allows us to more easily fulfill our higher needs.

When I think of the lyrics to Janis Joplin's song, "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose," I am reminded that freedom is not a basic need nor is it required. So why do we value it so much, or do we? What need does "freedom" really fulfill? Is it simply a motivator that keeps us focused on a purpose in life? Which inspires you more, the idea of freedom or the idea of greatness? 

Part of getting better is having the courage to change.

When you feel ill and think there is no way to escape your physical or emotional suffering, it's easy to give up. If you don't admit that something is making you feel sick, you will become more so. It takes courage to change thoughts and habits.


If you think you might be destroying your happiness, see a physician. Before visiting a physician, discover how you really feel. Discover what you think about. Discover where you hurt. Try to learn whether your pain is physical, emotional, or both. Try to learn whether your feelings are created by people or by something else. You don't need to consciously focus on these statements. All you need to do is find a quiet place to sit down and write.


Free-write non-stop (making no corrections or erasures) for five minutes only, every day for two weeks.  As you express your thoughts and feelings, you will feel better. At the end of two weeks, read what you have written. As you take note of your writings, you will discover patterns of thought and behavior.  With two weeks of writing you can track your thoughts and feelings. If your thoughts are mostly negative, you might need to see your family doctor. If they are not, you can still uncover what is really bothering you and begin solving problems.


It takes courage to write, and it takes discipline to continue writing for two weeks, but patterns of thought and feelings tracked for at least two weeks are useful for self-discovery and for physicians when it comes to diagnosing problems and determining whether any treatment is needed. It's not easy to keep track of your thoughts, moods, responses, and physical symptoms, and it's especially difficult to remember them if you don't write them down. Writing is an act of courage, but once the process begins, it is an act of empowerment.

Janis Joplin reminds me that music and good memories never die, but sometimes they need to be recovered.

Never heard this version of the song. Janis Joplin - Summertime (Live -1969) https://youtu.be/bn5TNqjuHiU  via @YouTube

Music and good memories never die, but sometimes they need to be recovered. I used to listen to this song while I sat curled into a ball on the floor next to the radio or cross-legged in a gigantic armchair while reading a book of fairy tales. About once a month, I found myself at my grandmother's house waiting for my parents to come home after a night at the movies and secretly wondering if they had abandoned my sister, brother and me.

My grandmother's house was a large, two-story colonial mansion that had been painted pink. Inside, it was quaint and stuffed with antique furniture. Thick maroon-colored drapes hung from ceiling to floor, contrasting with the beige floral wall paper in the living and dining rooms. The couch was French provincial, upholstered in mint green velvet and it had a matching chair.  On the opposite side of the room was the big, maroon-colored arm-chair that looked modern at the time. The coffee table was pushed against the wall leading to a narrow hallway that led to bedrooms and stopped at the small bathroom, which was wall-papered in blue. The rug was light-colored, patterned and plush.

In the living area, the radio was placed against a wall midway between the living and dining rooms, and its cabinet was made of rich mahogany wood, or so my grandmother said, which is why she warned us against scratching it.  If you opened the door to the radio cabinet, there was a phonograph or record player, but no one listened to phonographs anymore--only on special occasions, and every time we visited was a special occasion.  The "Summertime" I remember my grandmother playing was sung by Sam Cooke and my grandmother said his record was a collector's item. 

With the drapery closed, the house seemed dusky and dark, and I wondered if my parents had abandoned me to this dungeon and the care of a strict grandmother, only about 4 1/2 feet tall with long, wispy hair and deep, meditative eyes. I was fearful of her, but it wouldn't have been polite to even whisper this.  I imagined if I looked into her eyes or allowed her to hug me too long, she might become the wicked witch in "Hansel and Gretel." I finally learned to trust that instead of eating us for lunch she would feed us a grilled ham and cheese and a slice of fresh-baked apple pie of which I could have a slice as large as I desired. Of course, I was taught that I shouldn't take more than I deserved, so I never requested more than one slice, though sometimes I wanted the entire pie.

When the doorbell rang and the door creaked open, I was always relieved to see my mother's face, her eyes smiling at me. It was like a miracle had happened and I wasn't abandoned after all. Now, I fondly recall feeling like a proper little lady whenever we visited, my sister and brother seated on the couch while I sat in the big arm-chair or curled up on the patterned rug listening to songs I don't remember and some that I do remember, like "Summertime." Now, reflecting back on that time, it is a precious memory.

Women are taking charge of their vacations and reaping the rewards.

According to reports, 72 to 80 percent of all travelers are women, 85 to 92 percent of travel decisions are made by women, and 32 million women traveled last year. Research indicates, women are making most of the travel decisions and they are becoming more "gutsy" when it comes to travel, especially solo travel.

The tradition has been for women to plan travel vacations with male partners or girlfriends, but women are becoming less dependent on fellow travelers. They are taking more solo vacations and they are reaping the rewards. On a solo vacation, a person can explore new places, learn new cultures, and try different cuisines--all on her own terms. With the time alone, she might find answers or might be able to solve a few more problems. With a little "quiet time" for introspection, a woman might discover ways to rekindle love or recharge a complacent, lackluster relationship. She might acquire a greater appreciation for who she is as she finds time for self-expression and discovery. Traveling alone is a perfect time for reflection or mindfulness--the act of focusing on the little things in one's natural surroundings--which allows the mind to relax.

With companionship, opportunities for becoming one with nature are limited as individuals traveling together take time to share perspectives, discuss events, and compromise on places to visit. Mindfulness meditation allows one to experience the natural world--the many colors, smells, sounds, tastes, shapes and textures; the pure, clean sound of absolutely nothing; the quiet undertones of an ocean roar; the chatter of people bargaining in a bustling marketplace. There is  nothing quite like the saltiness of an ocean breeze or the fresh scent of evergreens on a mountainside when one is alone and at peace with the universe. 

Social interaction is wonderful, and travel with family and loved ones is important, but the experience of traveling solo is incomparable. Traveling solo increases self-awareness and adds diversity to life. It can re-energize personal relationships, lift the spirit, and inspire one to live more in harmony with the natural environment and with themselves. Whether traveling with family, friends, or solo, women are changing the world of travel.They are taking charge of their time and vacations, and they are reaping the rewards.

See also: http://www.frommers.com/trip-ideas/single/pauline-frommers-spend-less-see-more-tips-for-solo-travelers

Surviving a day of the blues begins with a choice.

Surviving a day means changing your perspective, not for 1,000 days nor 1000 hours, but for 24 hours. It requires finding hopefulness instead of hopelessness one moment at a time until you have survived one day of angst, anxiety, or hopelessness. If you can find will-power (some call it courage) to live though a sad time, it begins with a choice to think differently.

 

To change your thinking, find a quiet place to sit and breathe deeply. Even if you're doing office work or managing the home, practice deep-breathing, focus on positive thoughts, and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. The master plan is to find ways to force yourself to think positive thoughts (past or present) one minute at a time, then ten minutes, then 30 minutes, and then 24 hours.  At any point during this time, monitor your thoughts and feelings. If you feel overly sad or emotional and incapable to achieving this, immediately call an anonymous hotline like 800-273-TALK to discuss thoughts and feelings, specific or general. Crisis counselors don't make judgments and don't give advice. Their purpose is to listen and provide resources by request. When you hang up the phone, find positive things to do and positive thoughts to ruminate on. Try not to isolate yourself. Just try.

 

 I learned as a child, "fake it until you make it." In other words, pretend you're happy, hopeful, and heavenly--even if you're not. Pretend you have something important to do like save the world, eat pancakes, or travel abroad. Pretend you are happy and that awful thing you experienced is not big enough, bad enough, or strong enough to keep you down and out. Remember and say to yourself, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger." With repetition and practice, you'll come to believe it.

 

After 9/11, I suffered a setback, which I accidentally overcame through writing. I did other things to force myself to think positive, things like baking a banana pudding (email for the recipe); things like talking on the phone to my mother; things like walking the streets of NYC watching beautiful and not so beautiful people doing what it takes to live that day.But something I did on purpose also helped me overcome periods of grief and sadness--planning for travel and making arrangements for travel destinations I could not afford. Yes, booking the hotel, locating flights without buying tickets, and reading about tourism in a particular country, city, or town created positive thoughts and generated positive feelings.  One of my favorite articles on traveling to other places is included below.

 

Surviving anything takes a plan, takes will-power, and takes courage to do the hard work of changing negative thought patterns. By any means necessary, find ways to think positive thoughts, and challenge those negative, self-defeating thoughts every time. Remember to stop and deep-breathe; call for help when you need to talk things out; and "fake it 'til you make it." mdhjohnson (2015)