Thursday, September 29, 2016
September is one reason you never really leave NYC.
If you know a better place to live than New York City, let me know. After 9/11, I moved out of New York and it was the worst thing I could have done not because there aren't other lovely places to live but because I needed to embrace what happened rather than run away and because once you live in NYC, it's not easy to live anywhere else.
September used to be that ho-hum month that gets wedged between the end of trips to the beach and the beginning of fall foliage tours. Now, September has a presence of its own, one that became etched in our hearts and souls. It's hard being away from New York City because it's a place that welcomes everyone. It's the gold standard for diversity in life as well as the arts. One of the best things about NYC is the creativity which is inspired by the beauty of the place, the energy of the place, and the memories which get more precious by the year.
"I love New York" is not just a slogan; it's a state of mind that starts deep within the soul. They say you can never go home again, but this isn't true for NYC because you actually never leave, definitely not in September.
MHJ
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Reflection is a very rewarding form of writing. If you'd like to write about something that caused you to reflect, start with a mental picture or an actual image.
Reflection is not an activity for any specific age group. It can happen to anyone who dares to take a backward look at past behavior in hopes of gaining information or finding the lesson to be learned. Reflection involves taking a backward look at an emotional event that happened but it also includes some introspection so as to determine how you feel about it in the present moment. By reflecting on negative events in the past, we are able to learn and change. Bad experiences turned into lifelong lessons is how we develop emotional competence and how we build empathy for others.
Reflection is best achieved through writing. You might begin by writing a paragraph about what happened, when it happened, and how you felt about what happened THEN. You would especially want to name the strongest emotion(s) that you felt at the time. The second paragraph you write would explain how you feel about the event, incident or situation NOW, after so many months or years. Reflecting on a past event requires the passage of time..
Reflection involves explaining what emotions you felt in the past and what emotions you feel in the present moment, but the purpose for writing is to discover what you learned and what difference this event made in your life. Examples of reflection can be found in poetry, songs, and creative non-fiction, or they can be rendered in a work of fiction. I love putting poetry or music and images together, and also, I like reading poetry, but the best place to start writing is with an actual image or an image in your mind.
Reflection is a very rewarding form of writing. If you'd like to write about something that caused you to reflect, start with a mental picture or an actual image. As an example, consider the following image. Life experiences and lasting memories begin at some point during any ordinary day.
Monday, September 12, 2016
After 9/11, I mostly remember the horns honking, the lights flashing, the arms waving out of windows as people sought to assure me, "You are not alone."
I remember like it was yesterday minding my business babysitting a three-year old and waiting to see his mother who had been ill for a week and hadn't gone to work, but on 9/11/01, she had said she'd be going in, taking the long bus ride to the PATH train in Jersey City; taking the PATH into the World Trade Center in NYC; transferring to the subway train headed uptown; walking two blocks to work. I asked, "Are you up to all of that?" She said yes like she always does because she's resilient, always. But because she followed her intuition and decided she wasn't ready to return to work after all, she's alive today. Trusting her intuition saved her life.
When the twin towers got hit, it was surreal. I thought it was a preview for some horrid movie, but then the commentators' frantic voices assured me, this was happening in real time--the explosion, the fire and black smoke, the people jumping from windows--horrific.
There had been a small attack on the World Trade Center in the early 1990's, but no one saw it as an experiment or practice run--but what else could it have been?. After all was said and done, people on the street, in diners, at work kept repeating, "Somebody should have known...How were we caught so off guard?"
So much about NYC and the world has changed since 9/11. The streets are more crowded, neighborhoods are unrecognizable, people are in such a hurry--sign of the times, but New York City used to be so different back before September 11, 2001. Neighborhoods still held together, supported each other, and the people took pride in their communities. Now, with all the hustle and bustle, who knows where one community ends and another begins?
After the event, I mostly remember traveling up and down I-95 with my NY license plate and a big red, white and blue bow & ribbon tied to the grill of my car. I remember the horns honking, the lights flashing, the arms waving out of windows as people sought to assure me, "You are not alone." Somehow, these friendly gestures and listening to Enya on the radio helped see me through. I was not alone, All of NY, all of the nation, and much of the world was mourning with me.
Still, I shouldn't have moved away from the city a month afterward. I needed the mutual support from those who witnessed the black debris hovering above the city stretched across the horizon for what seemed like an eternity. I needed to talk it out with frantic neighbors. I needed to be there in the thick of it, expressing myself and grieving out loud. Because I wasn't talking it out, it took years to overcome what happened to our city, our country, our people, and to me.
Yet I too am resilient, like New Yorkers and Americans are resilient. Had my NYC daughter gone to work that morning, I'd be mourning her death instead of celebrating her life. Like all who survived this traumatic event, I realize how precious and fleeting life is and how important it is to trust your intuition.
My intuition tells me to live with a sense of meaning every day. Looking back, I try to remember the beauty of the twin towers but I also embrace the new reality of our precious city. No matter how much it has changed, it's the place I call home, and visiting home adds meaning to my life.
When the twin towers got hit, it was surreal. I thought it was a preview for some horrid movie, but then the commentators' frantic voices assured me, this was happening in real time--the explosion, the fire and black smoke, the people jumping from windows--horrific.
There had been a small attack on the World Trade Center in the early 1990's, but no one saw it as an experiment or practice run--but what else could it have been?. After all was said and done, people on the street, in diners, at work kept repeating, "Somebody should have known...How were we caught so off guard?"
So much about NYC and the world has changed since 9/11. The streets are more crowded, neighborhoods are unrecognizable, people are in such a hurry--sign of the times, but New York City used to be so different back before September 11, 2001. Neighborhoods still held together, supported each other, and the people took pride in their communities. Now, with all the hustle and bustle, who knows where one community ends and another begins?
After the event, I mostly remember traveling up and down I-95 with my NY license plate and a big red, white and blue bow & ribbon tied to the grill of my car. I remember the horns honking, the lights flashing, the arms waving out of windows as people sought to assure me, "You are not alone." Somehow, these friendly gestures and listening to Enya on the radio helped see me through. I was not alone, All of NY, all of the nation, and much of the world was mourning with me.
Still, I shouldn't have moved away from the city a month afterward. I needed the mutual support from those who witnessed the black debris hovering above the city stretched across the horizon for what seemed like an eternity. I needed to talk it out with frantic neighbors. I needed to be there in the thick of it, expressing myself and grieving out loud. Because I wasn't talking it out, it took years to overcome what happened to our city, our country, our people, and to me.
Yet I too am resilient, like New Yorkers and Americans are resilient. Had my NYC daughter gone to work that morning, I'd be mourning her death instead of celebrating her life. Like all who survived this traumatic event, I realize how precious and fleeting life is and how important it is to trust your intuition.
My intuition tells me to live with a sense of meaning every day. Looking back, I try to remember the beauty of the twin towers but I also embrace the new reality of our precious city. No matter how much it has changed, it's the place I call home, and visiting home adds meaning to my life.
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Are you hiding your true emotions behind anger?
Losing ones temper is a cover-up for something that lies deeper. We don't like to feel vulnerable, so we default to what appears a more aggressive emotional response: anger. Are you hiding your true emotions behind anger?
If you want to know what you're hiding when you become angry, stop yourself as soon as you start to feel flushed and flustered, before you've had time to strike back. If you ever wonder why you get so mad at certain people or circumstances, tap into your feelings and see what comes up. It's good if you can notice your feelings after an incident, but it's much better if you can also name and target the emotion that appeared before it was hidden behind anger.
When I was in elementary school, I fought a lot because I was bullied. I felt sadness whenever it happened, but my first outward response was anger. Internally, I was feeling something too embarrassing to admit. It was only in high school that I learned to hide the anger, at least for a minute or two so as to discover what was really causing my negative response.
It took years to stop responding to insults and injury with anger, but I finally grasped the concept. What I realized was this: When I felt fearful or diminished, I responded with an act of aggression, which in my case was anger. I eventually learned, it's not the outward emotions that we need to control. The control must start with inward feelings, those we hide so no one is the wiser about our vulnerabilities.
Anger is a reflection of fear or diminished self-esteem. It is an emotional response that serves as an act of aggression used to protect ourselves from harm. Yet, we don't always realize our anger is an act of aggression against a perceived enemy. "We might first feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, or pressured. If any of these feelings are intense enough, we think of the emotion as anger" (www.creducation.org) without considering other possibilities. Anger is simply an outward response to feelings of endangerment.
Once it becomes clear that anger is a cover-up for other emotions, anger can be managed or eliminated. But anger cannot be managed if underlying emotions are not discovered and acknowledged. In order to control anger, underlying feelings must be recognized and emotions must be targeted so self-esteem is not diminished.
*Reference: "Image from Men For Change, The Online Healthy Relationships Project, 1998"
www.creducation.org.
If you want to know what you're hiding when you become angry, stop yourself as soon as you start to feel flushed and flustered, before you've had time to strike back. If you ever wonder why you get so mad at certain people or circumstances, tap into your feelings and see what comes up. It's good if you can notice your feelings after an incident, but it's much better if you can also name and target the emotion that appeared before it was hidden behind anger.
When I was in elementary school, I fought a lot because I was bullied. I felt sadness whenever it happened, but my first outward response was anger. Internally, I was feeling something too embarrassing to admit. It was only in high school that I learned to hide the anger, at least for a minute or two so as to discover what was really causing my negative response.
It took years to stop responding to insults and injury with anger, but I finally grasped the concept. What I realized was this: When I felt fearful or diminished, I responded with an act of aggression, which in my case was anger. I eventually learned, it's not the outward emotions that we need to control. The control must start with inward feelings, those we hide so no one is the wiser about our vulnerabilities.
Anger is a reflection of fear or diminished self-esteem. It is an emotional response that serves as an act of aggression used to protect ourselves from harm. Yet, we don't always realize our anger is an act of aggression against a perceived enemy. "We might first feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, or pressured. If any of these feelings are intense enough, we think of the emotion as anger" (www.creducation.org) without considering other possibilities. Anger is simply an outward response to feelings of endangerment.
Once it becomes clear that anger is a cover-up for other emotions, anger can be managed or eliminated. But anger cannot be managed if underlying emotions are not discovered and acknowledged. In order to control anger, underlying feelings must be recognized and emotions must be targeted so self-esteem is not diminished.
*Reference: "Image from Men For Change, The Online Healthy Relationships Project, 1998"
www.creducation.org.
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
"I can only imagine the sense of empowerment that comes with knowing when and how to tell an extremely good lie."
It's hard to watch someone fall from grace due to a badly told lie. At first it was news anchorman Brian Williams and now, in a worse-case scenario, Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte. Brian Williams faced consequences when his lie spun out of control and likewise, so should Ryan Lochte, but had a young Ryan Lochte read Mark Twain, he might have told a different sort of lie or fashioned a judicious one.
Clearly, there is an art to lying, but according to writer and humorist, Mark Twain aka Samuel Clemens, lying is an art that needs to be developed and effectively utilized. In an essay written for the Historian and Antiquarian Club of Hartford, Connecticut (published 1882), Mark Twain wrote:
My complaint simply concerns the decay of the art of
lying. No high-minded man, no man of right feeling,
can contemplate the lumbering and slovenly lying of
the present day without grieving to see a noble art
so prostituted.
As children, we are taught that lying is akin to a criminal act; yet we do it often and without remorse because we must. Consistently, we face dilemmas of whether to "bear false witness" (lie) or opt to say something positive or nothing at all. In society, such rules are reinforced. Yet, we are expected to express opinions, if only for the sake of discussion.
But what happens if it isn't the right opinion? How long would someone last in a classroom or workplace expressing unacceptable views? When remaining silent is not an option and the truth would prove unacceptable, a well-told lie is not exactly a lie; it's a maneuver--and what could be more respectable than that?
When I was a child, I rarely spoke and when I did speak, I instinctively lied. I even strengthened this skill into early adulthood because I found it difficult to determine the best response. Truth be told, I could have used some technical advice or training on the art of the lie. I also could have used some encouragement regarding the advantages and rewards of telling a great lie.
In his brief essay, Mark Twain insists that lying is an art that must be cultivated. He writes,
No fact is more firmly established than that lying is a necessity of our
circumstances...therefore, it goes without saying that this one ought
to be taught in the public schools--even in the newspapers. What
chance has the ignorant uncultivated liar against the educated expert?
...An awkward, unscientific lie is often as ineffectual as the truth...
Children and fools _always_ speak the truth. The deduction
is plain--adults and wise persons _never_speak it...Everybody lies--
every day; every hour; awake; asleep; in his dreams; in his joy;
in his mourning; if he keeps his tongue still, his hands, his feet,
his eyes, his attitude, will convey deception--and purposely.
Even in sermons--
While in public school, I learned a lot about Mark Twain, but I never learned this. Had I felt my lying was a sign of strength rather than of insecurity or weakness, I might have gained self-confidence at a much earlier age. If Mark Twain is right, (and whoever said he is?) lying is an art to be skillfully administered. Lying could also be embraced as a strong social skill to be utilized on a consistent basis. I can only imagine the sense of empowerment that comes with knowing when and how to tell an extremely good lie.
M.DH. Johnson ( original version published via Pulse on LinkedIn.com
Reference: www.online-literature.com/twain/1320/
Monday, August 8, 2016
Let me introduce Twisted Shakespeare Poetry/Performance Collaborative, a poetry performance venue.
Thank you for visiting www.survivingaday.blogspot.com. You are invited to follow me, friend me, post comments, and keep me company. Let me introduce Twisted Shakespeare Poetry/Performance Collaborative, a venue for poetry readings, comedy, and out-loud presentations in the #Fayetteville, NC area.
Our first event happens September 8, 2016. RSVP for this and any upcoming event at www.meetup.com/twistedshakespeare. Also visit www.facebook.com/twistedshakespeare!
What to expect:
Talkin' and testifyin'
Poetry readings
Comedy and improvisation
Listening and commentary
Networking and friendly support
Whatever we decide.
Twisted Shakespeare is a community-based venue with the mission of encouraging freedom of expression and offering support to poets and performance artists in the local Fayetteville, NC area.
Come to a place where you can hone your performance skills in a relaxed, supportive, and fun atmosphere. If you plan to attend or perform your work or with proper acknowledgements, any published work, please make sure to RSVP as space is often limited.
Logo by MDHJohnson (c) 2015
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