Our moral emotions--shame, guilt embarrassment and remorse--assure our moral integrity, whether people are watching or not.

Emotional “shaming” may or may not require action, but it requires acknowledgment.

Have you ever stayed on the phone with a close relative or friend bad-mouthing another close relative or friend and lived to regret it? Did you notice the guilt, shame, remorse or embarrassment you felt after the conversation ended? You were simply telling the truth, but did you go too far? If you violated your sense of what’s morally right, your moral emotions were switched on and you felt emotionally “shamed.” For some people, the moral reprimand is too much to bear, but usually, we remember to take the moral high ground next time around.

Moral emotions provide immediate punishment or reward. “Moral emotions provide the motivational force—the power and energy—to do good and to avoid doing bad (Kroll & Egan 2004).” Moral emotions are based on intentions and what we know to be wrong or right. We are emotionally uplifted or emotionally shamed as a result. When such emotions as shame, guilt, embarrassment or remorse show up, our emotional system is letting us know we violated some rule about morality. We feel spiritually diminished. On the other hand, when we do what we inherently know to be right, we feel pride and self-approval. Our self-esteem is heightened and we feel spiritually uplifted.

In the battle between what is morally wrong or right, our emotional system is our guide. Our emotional system knows when we went too far and won’t let us rest until we acknowledge this. With such strong emotional feedback, we monitor ourselves when it comes to taking the moral high ground. Being sent a warning signal in the form of shame, guilt, embarrassment or remorse, we follow what we have been taught in our treatment of others and in determining right from wrong.

Whether we owe someone an apology is a matter of circumstance, quality of the relationship, or what we have been taught. Emotional “shaming” may or may not require action but it requires acknowledgment. When Joe Biden shared publicly that he had negotiated and worked well with members of the opposing party, he was commending himself. When confronted about the ambiguous situation of keeping with the enemy, he defended his integrity and his actions. In so doing, he became an easy target for other presidential contenders. After the backlash and drop of popularity in the polls, he reconsidered his original statement and offered an apology to would-be voters. Was it simply fear of rejection that caused him to apologize or one of the moral emotions--shame, guilt, embarrassment or remorse? This is clearly a question only Joe Biden can answer, but until he acknowledged his emotions, they wouldn’t let him rest.

Our emotional system offers punishments and rewards that control our behavior towards each other. Our moral emotions--shame, guilt, embarrassment and remorse--are strong motivators. They assure our moral integrity, whether people are watching or not. They are the gate-keepers of our humanity and in case of violations, they demand to be acknowledged. They are an important aspect of our emotional and societal well-being, and they accept nothing less than what an individual has been taught by society, parents and relationships: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Resource: "Moral Emotions and Moral Behavior." 

Retrieved on 7/8/2019 from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16953797.