Losing one's temper due to anger is only a cover-up.

Losing one's temper due to anger is only a cover-up. Because we don't like to feel vulnerable, we default to what seems a more aggressive emotional response, like anger. Are you hiding your true emotions behind anger? 


If you want to know what you're hiding when you become angry,  stop yourself as soon as you start to feel flushed and flustered, before you've had time to strike back. If you ever wonder why you get so mad at certain times or around certain people, check your feelings and see what shows up—intimidation, fear, rejection, belittlement? It's good if you can notice the feeling but it's much better if you can also name and target the emotion.


When I was in elementary school, I fought a lot because I was bullied. I felt sadness, but my first outward response was anger. Internally, I was feeling something I was too embarrassed to admit. It was only in high school that I learned to hide the anger, at least for a minute or two so as to discover what was really making me respond. It took years for me to stop responding to insults and injury with anger, but I finally grasped the concept. It's not the outward emotion of anger that we need to control. The control must start with recognizing and addressing the inward feelings, those we hide so no one is the wiser about our vulnerabilities. These feelings are attached to emotions that must be named before they can be conquered.


So the next time you feel anger, ask yourself if the incident or situation is worthy of anger, upsetting you for longer than necessary, or is there another emotion you need to address?