Janis Joplin reminds me that music and good memories never die, but sometimes they need to be recovered.

Never heard this version of the song. Janis Joplin - Summertime (Live -1969) https://youtu.be/bn5TNqjuHiU  via @YouTube

Music and good memories never die, but sometimes they need to be recovered. I used to listen to this song while I sat curled into a ball on the floor next to the radio or cross-legged in a gigantic armchair while reading a book of fairy tales. About once a month, I found myself at my grandmother's house waiting for my parents to come home after a night at the movies and secretly wondering if they had abandoned my sister, brother and me.

My grandmother's house was a large, two-story colonial mansion that had been painted pink. Inside, it was quaint and stuffed with antique furniture. Thick maroon-colored drapes hung from ceiling to floor, contrasting with the beige floral wall paper in the living and dining rooms. The couch was French provincial, upholstered in mint green velvet and it had a matching chair.  On the opposite side of the room was the big, maroon-colored arm-chair that looked modern at the time. The coffee table was pushed against the wall leading to a narrow hallway that led to bedrooms and stopped at the small bathroom, which was wall-papered in blue. The rug was light-colored, patterned and plush.

In the living area, the radio was placed against a wall midway between the living and dining rooms, and its cabinet was made of rich mahogany wood, or so my grandmother said, which is why she warned us against scratching it.  If you opened the door to the radio cabinet, there was a phonograph or record player, but no one listened to phonographs anymore--only on special occasions, and every time we visited was a special occasion.  The "Summertime" I remember my grandmother playing was sung by Sam Cooke and my grandmother said his record was a collector's item. 

With the drapery closed, the house seemed dusky and dark, and I wondered if my parents had abandoned me to this dungeon and the care of a strict grandmother, only about 4 1/2 feet tall with long, wispy hair and deep, meditative eyes. I was fearful of her, but it wouldn't have been polite to even whisper this.  I imagined if I looked into her eyes or allowed her to hug me too long, she might become the wicked witch in "Hansel and Gretel." I finally learned to trust that instead of eating us for lunch she would feed us a grilled ham and cheese and a slice of fresh-baked apple pie of which I could have a slice as large as I desired. Of course, I was taught that I shouldn't take more than I deserved, so I never requested more than one slice, though sometimes I wanted the entire pie.

When the doorbell rang and the door creaked open, I was always relieved to see my mother's face, her eyes smiling at me. It was like a miracle had happened and I wasn't abandoned after all. Now, I fondly recall feeling like a proper little lady whenever we visited, my sister and brother seated on the couch while I sat in the big arm-chair or curled up on the patterned rug listening to songs I don't remember and some that I do remember, like "Summertime." Now, reflecting back on that time, it is a precious memory.

Women are taking charge of their vacations and reaping the rewards.

According to reports, 72 to 80 percent of all travelers are women, 85 to 92 percent of travel decisions are made by women, and 32 million women traveled last year. Research indicates, women are making most of the travel decisions and they are becoming more "gutsy" when it comes to travel, especially solo travel.

The tradition has been for women to plan travel vacations with male partners or girlfriends, but women are becoming less dependent on fellow travelers. They are taking more solo vacations and they are reaping the rewards. On a solo vacation, a person can explore new places, learn new cultures, and try different cuisines--all on her own terms. With the time alone, she might find answers or might be able to solve a few more problems. With a little "quiet time" for introspection, a woman might discover ways to rekindle love or recharge a complacent, lackluster relationship. She might acquire a greater appreciation for who she is as she finds time for self-expression and discovery. Traveling alone is a perfect time for reflection or mindfulness--the act of focusing on the little things in one's natural surroundings--which allows the mind to relax.

With companionship, opportunities for becoming one with nature are limited as individuals traveling together take time to share perspectives, discuss events, and compromise on places to visit. Mindfulness meditation allows one to experience the natural world--the many colors, smells, sounds, tastes, shapes and textures; the pure, clean sound of absolutely nothing; the quiet undertones of an ocean roar; the chatter of people bargaining in a bustling marketplace. There is  nothing quite like the saltiness of an ocean breeze or the fresh scent of evergreens on a mountainside when one is alone and at peace with the universe. 

Social interaction is wonderful, and travel with family and loved ones is important, but the experience of traveling solo is incomparable. Traveling solo increases self-awareness and adds diversity to life. It can re-energize personal relationships, lift the spirit, and inspire one to live more in harmony with the natural environment and with themselves. Whether traveling with family, friends, or solo, women are changing the world of travel.They are taking charge of their time and vacations, and they are reaping the rewards.

See also: http://www.frommers.com/trip-ideas/single/pauline-frommers-spend-less-see-more-tips-for-solo-travelers

Surviving a day of the blues begins with a choice.

Surviving a day means changing your perspective, not for 1,000 days nor 1000 hours, but for 24 hours. It requires finding hopefulness instead of hopelessness one moment at a time until you have survived one day of angst, anxiety, or hopelessness. If you can find will-power (some call it courage) to live though a sad time, it begins with a choice to think differently.

 

To change your thinking, find a quiet place to sit and breathe deeply. Even if you're doing office work or managing the home, practice deep-breathing, focus on positive thoughts, and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. The master plan is to find ways to force yourself to think positive thoughts (past or present) one minute at a time, then ten minutes, then 30 minutes, and then 24 hours.  At any point during this time, monitor your thoughts and feelings. If you feel overly sad or emotional and incapable to achieving this, immediately call an anonymous hotline like 800-273-TALK to discuss thoughts and feelings, specific or general. Crisis counselors don't make judgments and don't give advice. Their purpose is to listen and provide resources by request. When you hang up the phone, find positive things to do and positive thoughts to ruminate on. Try not to isolate yourself. Just try.

 

 I learned as a child, "fake it until you make it." In other words, pretend you're happy, hopeful, and heavenly--even if you're not. Pretend you have something important to do like save the world, eat pancakes, or travel abroad. Pretend you are happy and that awful thing you experienced is not big enough, bad enough, or strong enough to keep you down and out. Remember and say to yourself, "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger." With repetition and practice, you'll come to believe it.

 

After 9/11, I suffered a setback, which I accidentally overcame through writing. I did other things to force myself to think positive, things like baking a banana pudding (email for the recipe); things like talking on the phone to my mother; things like walking the streets of NYC watching beautiful and not so beautiful people doing what it takes to live that day.But something I did on purpose also helped me overcome periods of grief and sadness--planning for travel and making arrangements for travel destinations I could not afford. Yes, booking the hotel, locating flights without buying tickets, and reading about tourism in a particular country, city, or town created positive thoughts and generated positive feelings.  One of my favorite articles on traveling to other places is included below.

 

Surviving anything takes a plan, takes will-power, and takes courage to do the hard work of changing negative thought patterns. By any means necessary, find ways to think positive thoughts, and challenge those negative, self-defeating thoughts every time. Remember to stop and deep-breathe; call for help when you need to talk things out; and "fake it 'til you make it." mdhjohnson (2015)

Alienating children from a parent should be a criminal act.

Parental Alienation refers to damage in a relationship between a child and a parent, usually due to negative actions, behavior, or words planted by a hostile parent, especially after a divorce. It's difficult to watch a loving relationship between parent and child crumble into nothingness when no amount of discussion with the injured child can make a difference. Alienating a child from his/her parent is one of the worst forms of child abuse because it creates a lack of trust and causes emotional damage that continues into adulthood. 

 

When it comes to relationships between children and parents, the emotional stress can have detrimental effects because when coming from a two-parent family, children trust and rely on both parents, and when one parent is negated, the result can be confusion, loss of self-worth, and even self-blame. In most situations, the void left by an alienated parent speaks louder than words can express. Separation and divorce can be difficult enough without emotional ties to one parent being severed. 

 

No matter how subtle the actions of the hostile parent or how quietly negative feelings are expressed, children have a keen awareness of nonverbal communication, and they model what they see. As a result of exposure to damaging words and deeds, they either become co-conspirators and aggressors, or they become victims. If they participate in alienating a parent, they are bound to feel guilt or even, self-hatred. Alienating one parent leaves a child half-orphaned.

No matter how bad the marital relationship, exposing children to personal negative attitudes, verbal assaults, or malicious acts of hostility is detrimental to their health.  Wendy Archer, North Texas chapter manager of Parental Alienation Awareness Organization USA (PAAOUSA), a national nonprofit, shares insights about parental alienation (an excerpt):

1. Many experts call parental alienation “the worst form of child abuse.”

2. Alienated children and young adults often struggle with severe depression and thoughts of suicide. Sadly, many alienated children attempt suicide because of the unbearable pain and heartbreak they suffer.

3. Children understand that they are half of each parent. To make a child hate the other parent is to make a child feel that half of him is not worthy of love.

4. Alienating parents will often claim emphatically that a child or young adult “doesn't want a relationship with the other parent,” but formerly alienated children have confirmed that this is not true.

In my opinion, alienating children from a parent is a criminal act. The damage cannot be undone. When parents separate or divorce, they need to be aware that damage is being done when a parent is denigrated or alienated. Both parents must take responsibility for the emotional well-being of their children, despite personal feelings toward each other. If unable to do so, they need to seek counseling or find a support group in the local area.