Unpredictability in a child's life is detrimental to her health.

 

Unpredictability in a child's life is detrimental to her health

Predictability has a way of keeping us grounded, focused on goals, and reassured that everything will be all right. Unpredictability is one of the factors that lead to mistrust, doubt, and fear in children. Parents' inability to show mutual respect and get along for the sake of their children is negatively impacting families and future generations. Sometimes, separation or divorce is the best or only solution, but it should not hurt innocent children.

Each day, I hear accounts of some tragic event involving someone who has lost his or her way. I hear of young men crowded in prisons or I look around and see beautiful girls gone sour due to lack of a structured life, lack of a positive role model, or an inadequately involved father figure, something I'll never know because for the first ten years of my life, my father was there in mind and spirit, despite the fact that he worked two jobs six days a week.

Since my father worked two jobs, the only way we could see him during the week was to wait up past midnight until he returned home from his second job. Once he returned home, he sat three of us on his lap somehow, and sang us nursery rhymes until we were groggy enough to say, goodnight. When my parents divorced he always said, “I want you to always respect your mother because whatever happened was not her fault. She was a good woman when I met her and she's a good woman now.” I can't thank my father enough for that show of respect and affection.

I wish parents understood the importance of children having father figures as well as mother figures in their lives, despite divorces and break-ups. I wish we all understood that it's not a traditional two-parent family that children need. It's peace, safety, and harmony.  Children need to know that they are safe and that each of their parents is safe.  They need to know they are loved by each parent, and they need to be protected from the petty battles that tend to surface once a relationship goes sour.

As it's been said, “Children live what they learn.” It's up to parents to teach children how to live positive, stable lives filled with love and support, despite marital or parental problems and concerns.

(c) M.D. Johnson (2014)