Acceptance or Forgiveness?

In the past, when I tried to recall personal situations that required forgiveness, I got a headache, but I could think of many situations that required “acceptance.” After struggling with the concept of “forgiveness” and getting nowhere, one day I decided I can only forgive after I accept. 

Acceptance has been explained in many ways, but I like the explanation offered by Mark Nepo via video posted on YouTube, where Oprah sits and talks with the poet and philosopher regarding his book. Based on this conversation, “acceptance” is “going with the flow,” like being in a body of water, feeling the current of the water, and adapting to that flow despite obstacles, hardships, or heartaches. 

My spiritual beliefs are based on ebb and flow, so the concept is easy for me to accept. According to Mark Nepo, it’s up to us to allow hardships to flow “through us,” rather than push against them. Acceptance is not surrender or helplessness. It’s a conscious act of allowing ourselves to experience the emotions caused by a negative experience and then let them go, making sure we don’t get stuck in the past. Also, we must determine how to learn from our negative experiences in order to use them for our personal growth. Going against the tide or nurturing feelings of helplessness can cause us to drown in misery.  

After much contemplation, I have decided this: I don’t know how to forgive, but I know how to accept and go with the flow in order to overcome hurt feelings and emotional setbacks initiated by others but maintained by me. Acceptance allows me to keep moving forward, far from the scene of an accident, crime or tragedy, leaving every shred of evidence behind—people, places, and emotional attachment to the negativity. 

 "Acceptance" leads to positive thinking because it allows us to express emotions without getting stuck in a bad moment. While forgiveness can be complicated, acceptance only requires the will to move on. I think I am able to accept, and maybe one day I’ll truly know what it means to forgive and forget. Meanwhile, there’s something liberating about going with the flow.