Guilt and Shame have their place, but do they have value?

Guilt and Shame have their place, but do they have value?   Emme H. Johnson

Guilt and shame are two emotions that involve other people. In other words, they are social emotions that only surface when we interact with others. To some extent, we all have a need to be accepted and emotionally supported by members of a group, and when group approval is jeopardized, we experience feelings of extreme regret. Guilt and shame are two emotions related to feelings of regret. These two emotions can be covert or overt, but if they are not recognized and managed, they can lead to sadness, depression, or self-sabotage.

In his article, “Toward authentic self-esteem” (Psychology Today, May 30, 2013),

Joseph Burgo, Ph.D. explains the difference between 1) guilt and 2) shame. According to Burgo, guilt involves awareness of what we have done to others, whereas shame relates to our improper or dishonorable behavior and how this behavior has made us appear to others. Guilt is based on the realization that someone has been hurt by our actions, whereas shame stems from behavior that is observed, judged, or perceived as judged by others.

We all share basic human needs and according to one humanist psychologist, Abraham Maslow, group affiliation is a human need which must be fulfilled according to a certain hierarchy in which basic needs are met before higher needs appear. Once a higher need appears, it also must be fulfilled. Following physical needs and a need for safety, our need for a sense of belonging, love and acceptance by members of our society or social group(s) begins to surface. When our negative actions hurt others, positive feelings about ourselves are diminished, we fear our acceptance in a community is jeopardized, and we feel guilt or shame. These two social emotions are important in maintaining a sense of community support and morality, but if they are not recognized and managed, they can affect to our emotional well-being.

Although both emotions negatively impact our sense of self-worth, to feel guilt, we must empathize and recognize the affect we had on someone else. Guilt involves being aware of our wrong-doing and disappointed in ourselves because we let someone down. Guilt implies a desire to take responsibility, seek forgiveness or make a change.

However, shame reflects a concern for the way others see us, and it involves feelings of embarrassment to the point of powerlessness because on some level we fear disapproval and rejection by our group with no possibility for changing the situation. People who are unable to face and process this painful emotion might develop feelings of persecution or victimization, which lead to diminished self-esteem. Also, instead of accepting blame, they might blame others for the negative situation, attempting to side-step this emotion altogether, rather than face it.

Guilt and shame are strong emotions that work to guide behavior within societies and social groups. No one is an island, and feeling disappointed by our behavior or fearing rejection by the established group is a strong motivator. Whether emotions of guilt and shame are overt or covert, they are emotions that must be recognized, expressed and managed. If not, they can lead to sadness, depression, or self-sabotage. Feeling accepted strengthens our emotional well-being.