The only thing we have to fear is: Ourselves

When it comes to change, the only thing we have to fear is: ourselves.

1. Living with a sense of purpose helps to create happiness, but it can be a daunting task.

Creating happiness can be a daunting task. If we only had to think of ourselves, our families and our own lives, challenges in life would be easier, but we don’t live in a vacuum. We are connected, and whether we accept it or not, we are a village, complete with rules to follow regarding what it takes to be a good citizen, parent or mate.  But no one follows the rules, never did, really, and that’s a problem because we’re left to develop routines and set examples on our own. The very principles on which this country was built seem to be crumbling right before our eyes and no one seems to notice, or we’re just too busy to bother. It’s no wonder our lives are stressed.

Positive psychologists make it seem easy to achieve happiness. They suggest that we read positive books and keep positive people in our lives. They even suggest that we manufacture a “synthetic” happiness which makes no difference to the brain—happiness is happiness. But who can be happy all the time and in fact, who should be? Emotions must be expressed, even negative ones, and since we have no way of sharing negative emotions among family or friends, we eat, drink, and find ways to “quick-fix” our lives, ignoring the side effects.

Happiness begins with purposeful living and fulfilling a hierarchy of needs, so to sit and stew about what we’re unable to achieve is not the answer. We can’t eat or drink our way to happiness. Instead, we need action, commitment, and a willingness to change the way we think and behave. Changing requires that we step out of our “discomfort zone,” so when it comes to making a positive change, the only thing we have to fear is: ourselves.

2. To relieve stress caused by challenges we face day to day, we “quick-fix” and compromise our health.

Change is not easy, so we ignore our physical and emotional well-being and increase our risk of illness and death. We ignore symptoms and “quick-fix” problems through over-eating, drinking, acting-out or otherwise misbehaving. Eventually, we suffer major consequences—addiction, obesity, marital problems, and even incarceration or death. Research says that one-third of us are obese. Also, they say about 20 percent of us will face an emotional disorder or illness at some point in our lives. Yet, paying attention to our basic and emotional needs is the last thing on our minds.

Positive living is emphasized on a daily basis, so it’s not that we don’t know how to live a healthy life. We listen, but we don’t make a choice to change. If we ignore our minds and bodies, how can we hope to live the best life that we can? How can we set an example for the next generation? How can we expect to achieve happiness?

Change is difficult, but one step at a time, it is possible. First, we have to make the choice to change. Choosing to change is the first important step to purposeful living. When we make the choice on our own, we take “ownership” and in a sense, we become investors in our happiness and well-being. Once we make the choice to focus on our physical and emotional well-being, we set goals that help us live with a sense of purpose one day at a time.

3. In order to make a positive change, we need to expect resistance caused by enemies within.

Changing the way we live takes persistence. It also takes self-awareness. “To err is human.” Being aware of our humanity means being aware of our strengths and imperfections. It is important to know that humans don’t like too much change in their lives, no matter their level of discomfort, so when it comes to setting goals to achieve happiness and reinventing our lives, we can expect that the greatest obstacle to our success will be ourselves. When we feel discouraged or overwhelmed, we need to search for our enemies within and destroy them. Enemies that affect our progress toward living a happy, purposeful life include:

·        Denial. We don’t want to accept that stress can make us fat.  We feel overwhelmed, so we have a sugary treat. Then we eat again because we feel guilty about the negative choice we just made. As we gain inches and pounds, we buy bigger sizes in clothes, denying that we are gaining weight and feeling diminished when we don’t receive compliments like we used to.

·        Self-Sabotage. We consciously or unconsciously undermine our progress and destroy the hard work we have done.

·        Negative self-talk. Our brains are programmed toward negativity in order to keep us safe. This “negative bias” warns us of danger, but it can affect our happiness if not kept in check. It can also lead to depression. The brain can make mistakes, so with each negative assessment, we need to enforce a reassessment policy, refusing to blindly accept what our brain is telling us. We also need to confront each negative thought, question its validity and replace it with a positive thought. We can’t stop negative thinking, but we can make sure it doesn’t overwhelm us or affect our happiness.

·        Lack of trying. A given lifestyle might begin with circumstances, but it continues because of choices we make or fail to make. Sometimes it’s the toxic friends we keep in our circle or unhealthy foods that we choose to eat, but what we keep in our lives is a matter of choice.  For example, it’s hard to eliminate “friends” we have known for years. Likewise, it’s hard to find good nutritional foods in certain neighborhood stores. Everyone doesn’t live in privileged neighborhoods with equal access to goods and services. Some of us face issues of proximity—no healthy food choices, no good medical insurance, no doctors or hospitals nearby, no money to spend on health care. But even if it takes a bus ride across town three times a week, or car-pooling with a neighbor in exchange for help with yard work, or coordinating a community garden, healthy living can be achieved. Sometimes, it means changing friends or limiting access to toxic family members, but changing a lifestyle begins when we start trying.

Nothing worthwhile was ever achieved overnight. It takes time and commitment to change habits that might have existed since childhood, but living with a sense of purpose can be achieved one day at a time with positive actions and help from good, supportive friends. Yes, “It takes a village,” always did, and always will. But mostly it takes a willingness to change.

(c) M.D. Johnson (2013)