Know Thyself: First Step to Emotional Intelligence

Know Thyself: First Step to Emotional Intelligence

Surviving extremely negative events takes more than courage and positive thinking, although these emotional skills are very important. Our ability to face and overcome adversity depends on our emotional competence and the support of family, friends, or both. Sometimes we have the support of family, sometimes not, but family is something we cannot change. What we can change, however, is the level of our Emotional Intelligence.

Though categories can overlap, there are five basic components of Emotional Intelligence:

·         Self-awareness

·         Self-management

·         Empathy for others

·         Motivation and drive

·         Social relationship management

“Emotional Intelligence,” also known as “Emotional Competence” or “EQ” (Emotional Quotient), has been defined in many ways, but it basically means having enough self-awareness and awareness of others to recognize underlying emotions and make appropriate responses that motivate others or positively influence the outcome of events.

When it comes to emotional competence, we are not born equal. Not everyone was raised in a nurturing environment that offered many opportunities for emotional growth. As a result, not everyone is emotionally resilient. In times of high emotional stress, some of us are more easily overwhelmed, and this can lead to emotional disorders such as PTSD or depression. But emotional intelligence can be strengthened or developed. We can retrain our brains and learn the steps required to effectively manage our lives.

“Know thyself.” The first important step to building emotional intelligence is becoming self-aware and learning who we are.  Becoming self-aware begins with taking note of negative and positive thoughts and feelings. It involves asking questions like, who am I? What are my short-term and long-term goals? What was my worst moment in life? What was my best relationship? Why was this relationship my best? Who do I want to be?  What is my predominant state of mind—happy, sad, hopeful, confused? It means learning to be honest about thoughts and feelings. Despite any level of discomfort, becoming self aware means taking note of negative thinking, negative behavior, and negative habits and keeping a journal of exact emotions and feelings.

Another way to know ourselves is to always be writing so as to stay in touch with experiences and feelings about those experiences. By keeping a journal of writings, we allow ourselves to express feelings and discover who we really are. Creative exploration begins with writing. Once we start writing down feelings and emotions, we can keep track of how many there are, question the appropriateness of our reactions and responses, and even argue against negative thoughts that clutter our brains. As we become more comfortable with who we are, we become more self-confident. Creative exploration is best done through writing for five to ten minutes at the end of the day.  Whether writings are saved or destroyed is unimportant. What's important is choosing what feels comfortable, and this means being in touch with our feelings.

Creative exploration consists of free-writing (paying no attention to grammar or political correctness) for five to ten minutes only. As you write for no more than ten minutes at a time, you might respond to specific questions such as:

·         What are my likes and dislikes?

·         What are my fears and fantasies?

·         What builds or diminishes my self esteem?

·         What is my favorite dessert and when did I start liking it?

·         What is my favorite pastime?

·         What do I value most in life?

·         Who is the most important person in my life?

·         What are my spiritual or religious beliefs?

·         Who am I?

·         Who do I want to be?

Learning to become self-aware can be challenging but also, it can be exciting or even fun. A good online personality assessment can become a generalized source of self-knowledge because responding to questions causes us to think about ourselves. When administered by a licensed professional, one reliable personality test has always been the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) which measures different personality types. Without the expert advice of a licensed professional or psychologist, most personality tests are invalid. No personality test online is designed to officially determine one's personality or state of mind. Responding to a questionnaire only provides UNOFFICIAL and generalized results. However,  I like seeing how unofficial results measure up to who I already think I am. I also like seeing whether other information provided pertains to me or not.

The website, http://www.humanmetrics.com provides a sample assessment questionnaire based on the Myers-Briggs personality inventory. No personal information is required, so once the questionnaire is completed, look for the option which leads to the results. You will be provided UNOFFICIAL results that identify you as any combination of the following Personality Types:

       Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I)

       Sensing (S) - Intuition (N)

       Thinking (T) - Feeling (F)

       Judging (J) – Perceiving (P)

Becoming self-aware is the first step to building a strong EQ, and it is the most important step. Just for fun, I took the online test myself. It was unofficially determined that my personality type is ENSJ. After reading the brief explanation, I tend to agree. You may not agree with your results, so remember that the results are unofficial and unimportant. They provide answers that create opportunities for self-awareness. Any official results come from being assessed by a licensed professional who evaluates much more than responses to a questionnaire. Please share your experiences.  
© 2013 by M.D. Johnson