Know Thyself: First Step to Emotional Intelligence

Know Thyself: First Step to Emotional Intelligence

Surviving extremely negative events takes more than courage and positive thinking, although these emotional skills are very important. Our ability to face and overcome adversity depends on our emotional competence and the support of family, friends, or both. Sometimes we have the support of family, sometimes not, but family is something we cannot change. What we can change, however, is the level of our Emotional Intelligence.

Though categories can overlap, there are five basic components of Emotional Intelligence:

·         Self-awareness

·         Self-management

·         Empathy for others

·         Motivation and drive

·         Social relationship management

“Emotional Intelligence,” also known as “Emotional Competence” or “EQ” (Emotional Quotient), has been defined in many ways, but it basically means having enough self-awareness and awareness of others to recognize underlying emotions and make appropriate responses that motivate others or positively influence the outcome of events.

When it comes to emotional competence, we are not born equal. Not everyone was raised in a nurturing environment that offered many opportunities for emotional growth. As a result, not everyone is emotionally resilient. In times of high emotional stress, some of us are more easily overwhelmed, and this can lead to emotional disorders such as PTSD or depression. But emotional intelligence can be strengthened or developed. We can retrain our brains and learn the steps required to effectively manage our lives.

“Know thyself.” The first important step to building emotional intelligence is becoming self-aware and learning who we are.  Becoming self-aware begins with taking note of negative and positive thoughts and feelings. It involves asking questions like, who am I? What are my short-term and long-term goals? What was my worst moment in life? What was my best relationship? Why was this relationship my best? Who do I want to be?  What is my predominant state of mind—happy, sad, hopeful, confused? It means learning to be honest about thoughts and feelings. Despite any level of discomfort, becoming self aware means taking note of negative thinking, negative behavior, and negative habits and keeping a journal of exact emotions and feelings.

Another way to know ourselves is to always be writing so as to stay in touch with experiences and feelings about those experiences. By keeping a journal of writings, we allow ourselves to express feelings and discover who we really are. Creative exploration begins with writing. Once we start writing down feelings and emotions, we can keep track of how many there are, question the appropriateness of our reactions and responses, and even argue against negative thoughts that clutter our brains. As we become more comfortable with who we are, we become more self-confident. Creative exploration is best done through writing for five to ten minutes at the end of the day.  Whether writings are saved or destroyed is unimportant. What's important is choosing what feels comfortable, and this means being in touch with our feelings.

Creative exploration consists of free-writing (paying no attention to grammar or political correctness) for five to ten minutes only. As you write for no more than ten minutes at a time, you might respond to specific questions such as:

·         What are my likes and dislikes?

·         What are my fears and fantasies?

·         What builds or diminishes my self esteem?

·         What is my favorite dessert and when did I start liking it?

·         What is my favorite pastime?

·         What do I value most in life?

·         Who is the most important person in my life?

·         What are my spiritual or religious beliefs?

·         Who am I?

·         Who do I want to be?

Learning to become self-aware can be challenging but also, it can be exciting or even fun. A good online personality assessment can become a generalized source of self-knowledge because responding to questions causes us to think about ourselves. When administered by a licensed professional, one reliable personality test has always been the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) which measures different personality types. Without the expert advice of a licensed professional or psychologist, most personality tests are invalid. No personality test online is designed to officially determine one's personality or state of mind. Responding to a questionnaire only provides UNOFFICIAL and generalized results. However,  I like seeing how unofficial results measure up to who I already think I am. I also like seeing whether other information provided pertains to me or not.

The website, http://www.humanmetrics.com provides a sample assessment questionnaire based on the Myers-Briggs personality inventory. No personal information is required, so once the questionnaire is completed, look for the option which leads to the results. You will be provided UNOFFICIAL results that identify you as any combination of the following Personality Types:

       Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I)

       Sensing (S) - Intuition (N)

       Thinking (T) - Feeling (F)

       Judging (J) – Perceiving (P)

Becoming self-aware is the first step to building a strong EQ, and it is the most important step. Just for fun, I took the online test myself. It was unofficially determined that my personality type is ENSJ. After reading the brief explanation, I tend to agree. You may not agree with your results, so remember that the results are unofficial and unimportant. They provide answers that create opportunities for self-awareness. Any official results come from being assessed by a licensed professional who evaluates much more than responses to a questionnaire. Please share your experiences.  
© 2013 by M.D. Johnson

Black History Month Belongs to Us All.

February is Black History Month but it’s not to be celebrated by only a few of us.  Without the African Diaspora, America would be quite a different place. American history rests on the backs and shoulders of those who built this country generations ago and for better or worse, left a legacy of hard work and desires for freedom.

 Working side by side, our ancestors made this country great. Despite inequality and defeat, they built a lifestyle of promise steeped in a new American tradition which promised freedom and prosperity. Though not everyone was given an equal opportunity to succeed, they maintained hope and spiritual strength. They did succeed, sometimes with help from others and sometimes on their own, but they never gave up.

Inequality still exists today, but if those from the past could find hope and create opportunities despite the dark, hopeless conditions that they faced, then we all can. Despite financial and emotional hardships or physical challenges, we can overcome anything. It all begins with strengthening our faith and knowing that a change will come if we follow a positive course of action. Words without deeds are meaningless, so any great achievement takes sacrifice and hard work. If we keep our eyes on “the prize,” whatever we deem it to be, we will succeed.

Our Black ancestors lived and helped to create the American experience. They are part of our culture and part of our emotional DNA. They are hope and inspiration for all of us. Whether we are Black, White, Native American, Latino, or identify with another culture, we are all in this country facing challenges together, working for liberty and justice—together. America is a cultural patchwork quilt, stitched together with blood, sweat, tears, tradition, spirituality and hope. It is our country. Black History Month belongs to us all.

The video that I share (below) was borrowed from youTube.com.

This project was completed as part of a 9^th-grader’s school assignment. Kudos to this proud young American. The video is perfect for celebrating Black History Month. http://www.youtu.be/RaDMSKZVKNY

Tribute to Whitney Houston with love and appreciation.

Tribute to Whitney Houston

(c) 2012 by M.D Johnson

So many people watching, some hoped to see you fall.

Side-stepping this, performing that, you tried to do it all.

You found your voice in a Newark church at a very early age

But then you found your purpose and the joy of a global stage.

You sang to us with a golden voice, gifted straight from Heaven.

Your beauty, grace and resonance will warm our hearts forever.

You ventured on a journey that led to a fall from grace.

While accolades and honors hid the demons that you faced.

You found love and married, a soul-mate so it seemed.

Despite the joy of wedded bliss, you were struggling.

You found your strength and self-esteem, regained dignity

While cameras and performances disgraced you on TV.

Rare as lilacs in December, a diva in distress

You stood and fell and rose again in haunting loveliness!

But perfection has its price and there comes a reckoning day

In summer’s wane and winter’s frost, the maker has His say.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained is an angel’s quiet confession.

You walked a journey of your own seeking love and perfection.

But you never seemed to realize the gifts at your command.

Your value to a desperate world you didn’t quite understand

But we only are burdened with as much as we can take.

He walked a path alongside you then escorted you away.

Whitney Elizabeth Houston, the world wishes you well.

You will be missed by the universe, but now you can exhale.

Stress: What does Deepak Chopra know that you don't?

Stress is hazardous to our health.

I remember saying those words over and over, and after a period of years, I developed a physical illness due to stress. Since then, I’m always on alert for tips on how to reduce stress. Taking care of ourselves physically and emotionally should be first on our agenda, but with such busy schedules, we’re sometimes too busy to pay attention to our physical and emotional health. It’s not that we don’t want to. It’s just that we don’t have a lot of time. But of course, if we had a major heart attack and needed physical therapy, we would make time.

Stress is hazardous to our health. As I’ve been told, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Learning to de-stress is one way we can take care of our health, especially if it only takes a few minutes. Practiced twice a day, meditation is known to be one of the best ways to relieve stress.

In his new book, Super Brain, Deepak Chopra writes about the importance of meditation. On the daytime show, "Katie,” hosted by Katie Couric, he taught the studio audience a form of meditation that takes only a few minutes and works well with celebrities. He said, “If celebrities can do it with their stressful lives, anyone can do it.”  The steps to this process are as follows:

            1. Sit in the most comfortable position with arms comfortably open and          

 palms facing up.

            2.  Reflect. Ask yourself, “What am I grateful for?”

            3.  Reflect. Ask yourself, “Who am I?”

            4.  Ask yourself, “What do I want?”

            5.  Reflect and think of a great experience of love, now or in the past.

            6.  Bring the person’s image into your mind, into your heart and feel the         

feeling again (the heart throbbing, your heartbeat, the intensity).

            7.  Bring that awareness into your breath and breathe it for a minute.

            8.  Relax into your body for a few seconds.

            9.  Open your eyes.

          

          10.  Continue your day. 
(c) M.D. Johnson (2013)