Self-sabotage is a crime.

  

 Self-sabotage is a crime.


    Self-sabotage is a crime that we inflict on ourselves when feeling insecurity, doubt or fear. Fear could be centered around failure or success. Sometimes, we are afraid to fail. At other times, we might be afraid to succeed. Whatever the cause for self-sabotage, the result is the same. It stops us from achieving our goals or being the best we can be.

      Back in 2009 I read the article, “10 Steps to Detect and Stop Secret Self-Sabotage” by Guy Finley http://www.topachievement.com/.  In the article he describes the way some of us feel deep inside, despite our outward appearances. The article caught my attention because it highlights crimes we commit against ourselves based on what we tell ourselves, and these acts of“self-sabotage” can affect our ability to accomplish goals.

      Things we do to ourselves begin with negative thoughts that fulfill negative expectations.  If we have learned to accept negative self-assessments, we expect negative outcomes.  If we don’t think we are worthy to achieve certain goals or to receive certain things from others, we do the unthinkable—we sabotage ourselves, making sure we never get what we think we do NOT deserve.

      Self-sabotage is an act of destroying ourselves from within. This desperate act is secretly directed inwards, but it is considered an act of aggression against ourselves and it can be observed by the most casual observer, who use our behavior to determine how they will or will not treat us. So if we’re too cowardly to mistreat ourselves, we act in ways that encourage others to mistreat us. When this happens, we can put the blame on someone else, rather than ourselves.

  What I liked about Guy Finley's article is the way it provides 10 examples of how we secretly sabotage ourselves. The concepts are his own, but the (parenthetical) remarks are my own interpretations:

·        Trying too hard to win someone’s favor (We seem weak).

·        Expressing too much concern for someone’s well being (We seem fake).

·        Making chatty small talk when feeling discomfort (We seem nervous).

·        Hanging onto someone’s every word (We seem desperate).

·        Looking for someone’s approval (We seem insecure).

·        Asking if someone is angry with us (We seem inferior and weak).

·        Needing to hear a positive response from someone (We seem needy).

·        Trying to impress someone (We seem lacking in self-esteem).

·        Gossiping (We seem inconsiderate and lacking in self-control).

·        Explaining ourselves to others (We seem to need approval).

      According to Finley, the way to overcome tendencies toward self-sabotage is to check in with ourselves before making a questionable remarks. We should ask why we’re saying this or that and make sure the remark is really something that we want to do. We can look for signs of outside pressure which might contribute to our need to “babble” inappropriately when we need to keep quiet. Sometimes, silence is not golden but staying silent is one way to stop self-sabotage. If we don’t say it, we don’t give voice or negative energy to self-sabotage, and this stops it.

      Guy Finley leaves a final summary which is worth remembering:

“In any and every moment of your life, you are either in command of yourself or you are being commanded.”

*This information is based on Guy Finley’s book,

Design Your Destiny (1999)

My personal note:  In order to become aware of self sabotage, we must become aware of ourselves, take control of how we treat ourselves, and build confidence in ourselves and our ability to achieve. 
(c) M.D. Johnson (2012)