Self-sabotage is a crime.

  

 Self-sabotage is a crime.


    Self-sabotage is a crime that we inflict on ourselves when feeling insecurity, doubt or fear. Fear could be centered around failure or success. Sometimes, we are afraid to fail. At other times, we might be afraid to succeed. Whatever the cause for self-sabotage, the result is the same. It stops us from achieving our goals or being the best we can be.

      Back in 2009 I read the article, “10 Steps to Detect and Stop Secret Self-Sabotage” by Guy Finley http://www.topachievement.com/.  In the article he describes the way some of us feel deep inside, despite our outward appearances. The article caught my attention because it highlights crimes we commit against ourselves based on what we tell ourselves, and these acts of“self-sabotage” can affect our ability to accomplish goals.

      Things we do to ourselves begin with negative thoughts that fulfill negative expectations.  If we have learned to accept negative self-assessments, we expect negative outcomes.  If we don’t think we are worthy to achieve certain goals or to receive certain things from others, we do the unthinkable—we sabotage ourselves, making sure we never get what we think we do NOT deserve.

      Self-sabotage is an act of destroying ourselves from within. This desperate act is secretly directed inwards, but it is considered an act of aggression against ourselves and it can be observed by the most casual observer, who use our behavior to determine how they will or will not treat us. So if we’re too cowardly to mistreat ourselves, we act in ways that encourage others to mistreat us. When this happens, we can put the blame on someone else, rather than ourselves.

  What I liked about Guy Finley's article is the way it provides 10 examples of how we secretly sabotage ourselves. The concepts are his own, but the (parenthetical) remarks are my own interpretations:

·        Trying too hard to win someone’s favor (We seem weak).

·        Expressing too much concern for someone’s well being (We seem fake).

·        Making chatty small talk when feeling discomfort (We seem nervous).

·        Hanging onto someone’s every word (We seem desperate).

·        Looking for someone’s approval (We seem insecure).

·        Asking if someone is angry with us (We seem inferior and weak).

·        Needing to hear a positive response from someone (We seem needy).

·        Trying to impress someone (We seem lacking in self-esteem).

·        Gossiping (We seem inconsiderate and lacking in self-control).

·        Explaining ourselves to others (We seem to need approval).

      According to Finley, the way to overcome tendencies toward self-sabotage is to check in with ourselves before making a questionable remarks. We should ask why we’re saying this or that and make sure the remark is really something that we want to do. We can look for signs of outside pressure which might contribute to our need to “babble” inappropriately when we need to keep quiet. Sometimes, silence is not golden but staying silent is one way to stop self-sabotage. If we don’t say it, we don’t give voice or negative energy to self-sabotage, and this stops it.

      Guy Finley leaves a final summary which is worth remembering:

“In any and every moment of your life, you are either in command of yourself or you are being commanded.”

*This information is based on Guy Finley’s book,

Design Your Destiny (1999)

My personal note:  In order to become aware of self sabotage, we must become aware of ourselves, take control of how we treat ourselves, and build confidence in ourselves and our ability to achieve. 
(c) M.D. Johnson (2012)

Aurora, Colorado leaves a negative impact, but the brain can overcome.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/qe9kKf7SHco" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

If life was so easy, we’d all have cause to celebrate, but it isn’t. It’s difficult to overcome the effect of negative influences, but it is not impossible.

Have you ever wondered why your eyes and thoughts are drawn to negative events or situations—blood and guts, dog poo, slime, death, or extremely disgusting images? I turned to a few different articles in search of information.

 In an article, “Bad Is Stronger Than Good,” by Roy Baumeister, E.Bratslavsky, C.Finkenauer, and K.Vohs, this all gets explained.  According to the article, our brains are programmed to record negative events first and foremost in order to keep us safe. As a result, it takes several good events to offset or negate the impact of one negative event:

The greater power of bad events over good ones is found in everyday events, major life events (e.g., trauma), close relationship outcomes, social network patterns, interpersonal interactions, and learning processes.  Bad emotions, bad parents, and bad feedback have more impact than good ones, and bad information is processed more thoroughly than good. The self is more motivated to avoid bad self-definitions than to pursue good ones.  Bad impressions and bad stereotypes are quicker to form and more resistant to disconfirmation than good ones.

The article continues by explaining the other side of the brain’s capacity which includes its ability to adapt, overcome negativity, and create happiness.  This is difficult for some, but it’s never impossible.  The brain wants to do what we want it to do, so if we want to be happy, with a little work our brain is able to accommodate us.

The recent tragic event in Colorado and such assaults throughout the world; recent assaults on our military personnel and on some of our city streets can have lasting effects. The trick is to attack negativity head on as soon as possible. Talk about feelings, express emotions, and avoid PTSD, which can lead to depression, that invisible illness that sneaks in to destroy lives.

Some people who were in the theater in Aurora, Colorado that night will need immediate psychological attention, and while some will easily overcome the effects of the trauma, others need to work for emotional stability. They need to focus on ways to regain their self-assurance and trust, and they need to insist on happiness. It can be done.

Breaking bad habits is a monster!

Breaking bad habits is a monster--best tamed one day at a time!

            Bad habits are hard to break because the brain chooses what it’s been accustomed to. If it has been accustomed to negative thinking or negative habits, it tries to make sure we get what we prefer, or at least, what it thinks we prefer. Because of the brain’s tendency toward negative thinking, negative thinking takes longer to change, and because changes don’t come easily, sometimes we give up or sabotage our progress toward happiness.

In the article, “Prescriptions for Life: How to attain your goals, great and small, and create a life you love,” Susan Baili highlights a few things that we do to sabotage our progress toward being wholesome, happy human beings. (Susan Biali, M.D., Psychology Today, August 3, 2011). Then she offers the following tips on how to stop this negative behavior:

1) Admitting to yourself what you're doing, and when you're doing it.

In other words, keep track of what you’re doing, when you tend to do it, and what causes you to do it. She explains that two of  our most self-defeating habits center around the way we manage food and money.  Because many of our problems stem from mismanaging these two things.

To bring about a change in our habits, she suggests that we set goals and put them in writing. In a notebook of 8 1/2 X 11 paper, list goals for each problem area. (For every problem area, use a separate sheet of paper.) Save room at the bottom for commentary.Take, for example, goals around food and money. On a separate page for each problem area, list goals around food and money. Follow my chart (not Biali's) below:

 Problem Area: Food

Goals	Way(s) that I sabotage	Behavior to use instead

Questions, Answers, Commentary:

2. Problem Area: Money

Goals	How I self-sabotage	What I will do instead

 Questions, Answers, Commentary:

I liked this--hope you do, too. "10 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy…With Your Improv"

USS Rock N Roll » Blog Archive » 10 Things You Should Give Up to Be Happy…With Your Improv

Happy 4th of July!

Today is July 4th--picnics, barbecues, fireworks, and celebrations, but sometimes, it's a lonely time when we're not close to friends and family. When feeling sad or lonely, it' s always good to remember that holiday celebrations are two-fold: They're meant to create a sense of solidarity among members of a society or culture, and they're meant to boost the economy. Through family and public celebrations, members of a society celebrate holidays to remember their history, salute their heroes, and honor their fallen. We're also expected to spend money, and this is great for the economy. Most important, celebrations create a sense family that bonds a society together, so whether we claim our membership or not, we have family within the greater society. These people know us and some of them like us. Togetherness is meant to strengthen the bonds between families within the society in which we live, and this strengthens the society and its culture. So if you're feeling left out during a national holiday, you aren't. You can celebrate with a large group or on your own, relaxing and appreciating the little things about this country, your city, your family, or your life. If you're not able to celebrate with others, allow yourself the freedom to celebrate on your own and in your individual way. This is self-affirming, and this builds pride and self-esteem. There must be countless little things that you can do--take a bubble bath, watch a classic movie, go to the movies, dine out with a friend or spend the day on your own. It's a matter of giving yourself permission to enjoy the holiday in your individual way. Once you decide that you have the right to determine what makes you happy, you can focus on your happiness, not on what society is doing or telling you to do. We don't have to attend a picnic to prove we're part of a community. By living there, we already are. As far as I'm concerned, we're celebrating together, at this moment in time. But we don't have to celebrate on a given national holiday. We can choose to celebrate after the holiday, before the holiday, during the holiday, or all of the above. Making our lives happy is  simply a matter of choice. 
Happy 4th of July!