Are you a procrastinator? If you'd like to change anything, "Knowing is half the battle." (G.I. Joe)

I'm a writer who sometimes procrastinates, but sometimes, it's not what it seems. I'm often working on a strategy to a writing project, redesigning a poem or taking a break so as to reconstruct or deconstruct it all, but in my eyes, it's part of the job. Then again, I wonder if I'm simply just procrastinating. 

There are several types of procrastinators and different ways to procrastinate, so how do you know? To answer the question, I consulted a few sources, but I like the following response I excerpted from www.mindtools.com:

How to Overcome Procrastination  

Follow these steps to deal with and control procrastination:

Step 1: Recognize That You're Procrastinating

If you're honest with yourself, you probably know when you're procrastinating. But to be sure, take our Are You a Procrastinator?  self test.

Here are some useful indicators that will help you know when you’re procrastinating:

• Filling your day with low priority tasks from your To Do List.
• Reading e-mails several times without starting work on them or deciding what you’re going to do with them.
• Sitting down to start a high-priority task, and almost immediately going off to make a cup of coffee.
• Leaving an item on your To Do list for a long time, even though you know it's important.
• Regularly saying "Yes" to unimportant tasks that others ask you to do, and filling your time with these instead of getting on with the important tasks already on your list.
• Waiting for the “right mood” or the “right time” to tackle the important task at hand.

Am I a procrastinator? My answer to the question is, yes and no. What I do about it depends on whether I like the way I flow or if I want to change anything. But at least, I know. What about you? Are you a procrastinator? If you'd like to change anything, "Knowing is half the battle." (G.I. Joe)

Love for others includes many attributes, but compassion is probably the most important part of love.

Most spiritual practice and religious scripture emphasize attributes like humility and having love and compassion for others. Yet, very little time is spent explaining the importance of self-compassion and self-love. Although it's not emphasized, being able to "love your neighbor as yourself" indicates a need for self-love before all else. Without self-love and self-compassion, it's difficult to have love and compassion for someone else.


Love for others includes many attributes, but compassion is probably the most important part of love. Compassion involves being sensitive to someone's suffering and having a deep desire to alleviate their suffering. But in order to experience compassion, you must first consider the pain someone is going through. In other words, you must not only step into someone's shoes but also you must step into their pain and suffering. Once the pain and suffering are acknowledged and vicariously experienced, compassion includes a deep desire to help someone out of their unfortunate situation.


Self-compassion is more difficult because you must acknowledge your own humanity with a sense of respect, understanding, and kindness. It demands having patience with your own frailties and shortcomings and not falling into patterns of guilt, self-blame, name calling and destructive self-talk or behavior. It means caring enough about yourself to care for yourself and accept your imperfections. It's assuring yourself that with faith and trust in your ability to overcome adversity in life, you will overcome whatever the challenges might be.


At this point in your life, you have established patterns of behavior. By now, you are either good or not so good about the way you manage your thoughts and how you treat yourself. With self-compassion, you make it a point to handle yourself with care. You use self-talk that is gentle and encouraging rather than harsh and demeaning. Paying attention to your thoughts and feelings allows you to confront negative thoughts as they come your way. This allows you to remember your sense of humanity and know that you are not alone. Then you are able to replace negative or belittling statements like, "I'll never be good enough," with positive and encouraging ones, like, "I'm only human. I'll do better tomorrow."


Compassion for self allows you to have compassion for others. Recognizing and fighting negative thoughts requires that you become mindful of your thoughts and feelings and that you accept weaknesses as well as strengths. By accepting your human frailties and encouraging yourself when you're feeling down, you build self-compassion and strengthen self-love. If you can weather your own emotional storms and support yourself when you're feeling down, when it's no longer your turn to nurture yourself, you'll have the love and compassion to nurture someone else. 

Sometimes angels walk among us, protecting us. You know them because when they arrive, everything changes for the better. But they can't stay very long.

Before she came, there were two parents instead of one and there was fighting, violence and betrayal until she chased the culprit away. There was controversy, of course, because none of the other children glowed in the dark and none of the other children slept the entire night after they were brought home from the hospital. She was different, and although she never cried, everyone sitting in the church pews knew that unfamiliar glow that surrounded her. Still, they all kept quiet about the matter. Besides, there was nothing to prove she came to the wrong family. 

Who knew the married couple would divorce, break the family apart and that she'd be on her own with no one to guide her and nothing to indicate she was loved--though she was, if not all of the time at least some of the time, enough of the time for her to grab a moment or two, slip them into her pocket and store them away like precious gems.

She talked to herself, told herself stories, and made herself laugh every day. If she found something good to eat, she laughed, and when she found nothing, she laughed as well. That's how she survived after they deposited her to the missionaries and moved away. Her childhood behind locked doors was spent capturing positive moments and saving them for a rainy day when there was nothing to do, But at least the hard times were over. No more walking the streets, hiding in shadows or sleeping underneath benches at Grace Episcopal Church. Laughing in spite of the hard times, she had made it though rain, sleet, snow and the most dreadful heat and humidity.

She created happiness, moment to moment, savoring one encouraging word and then another until she was nearly fifteen and still living in the orphanage where she met Dee at the nurse's station. The attraction was immediate, but because the boy was so kind she loved him enough to do him the favor of breaking up before breaking his heart. Still, he lingered, tarried, and sought to be near just in case she needed him which she never did--until after he was gone.

They were kindred spirits, both had agreed. It was probably a heart attack or something sudden or so she thought, because he would never willingly try to escape. After a while, she began to regret the fact that she barely even knew him for sure and couldn't determine what made him stay with her through the years knowing she had missed too much love to manufacture enough for anyone, not even for herself. 

After turning eighteen and being set free, she hitch-hiked and walked from town to town hoping she'd see his face across the counter, his strong assuring hands serving up drinks while she held out her glass for another round. But it never happened. All of the hopeful men liked buying drinks, but they were not her angel in disguise. Sometimes she expected a knock on the door, a hand sliding her a bologna sandwich and a soda after curfew, but it never happened. The boy named, Dee,  had simply vanished.

"Cherish the day," is what he had said while she was in captivity and she wondered, how? "I should have had his baby and stayed connected because he was an angel, and when he thought there was no more work to be done, he disappeared." The woman at the counter had nodded and smiled.

Having his baby was the miracle she thought she needed, living proof that she had been loved. Now, it was up to her to find ways to live each day and to love herself, like it was the most important thing she could ever do. Some people insist that Angels walk among us, teaching, protecting and inspiring us. You know them because when they arrive, everything changes for the better. If you think you've met an angel, maybe you have, but learn what you need to learn because they don't usually stay very long.

Race is an artificial construct created not to unify a society but to divide it.

Race is an artificial construct created not to unify a society but to divide it. The word, "race" was used to pacify those who might protest their conditions and to comfort those who felt threatened as members of a minority trying to seize control of the majority. Definitions and delineations of "race" allowed a minority group to control or annihilate the masses and even today, categorizing based on race is used to create stereotypes that  marginalize and undermine various cultural groups in American society.

Throughout American history we've witnessed it. The Native Americans saw it first. They befriended the European newcomers but were rewarded with mass murder befitting a nation of "Redskins." Their new definition allowed them to be castigated, held as captives and servants and decimated. Their destiny ultimately hinged on their submissiveness, something they fought against. This country was once their home and their numbers were far greater than those who hoped to subdue them.

Then came the slaves, ripped from their motherlands, denied access to education, friendship, safety and family. 'Divide and conquer" was law of the land but not only were the Africans alienated from those who looked like them, they were also denied access to most everything that rendered them human. There was no way to "pass" in the early years of slavery and blackness was a badge worn by every slave. It was as though all the gods sat laughing even as the captives struggled to escape. 

Once the slaves were finally free, they were stamped with official names designating differences in race. The badge of blackness became useful when deciding who could become part of America's elite society and who would forever serve this entitled population. 

With the Native Americans it was different. Not better or worse but different in that they were viewed as savages and threats to the survival of the newly empowered American society. Because they were feared, they were held captive on reservations, and once their main source of food was mercilessly and systematically destroyed, most tribes relied on the goodness of strangers in charge for food and life itself.

Definitions of race in America have had devastating effects and tragic consequences. Race is an imaginary line of demarcation designed to keep everyone in a designation place The categories were loopholes for a privileged few and holding pens for those considered subservient and allowed to live if they were obedient, careful and respectful. One false move toward freedom meant sudden death. There was no way to escape the cycle of life interrupted due to lines of demarcation and restrictions by race.

Today, people of all races achieve greatness, but one must never forget about race because it factors into everything we know. Due to race relations in America, life can change in an instant. 
Race can affect level of safety, happiness and ability to survive. The soldier (above) reached age 21 but failed to survive.

My opinions are  my own, but for a different perspective, visit this website: http://www.pbs.org/race/002_SortingPeople/002_00-home.htm

When I was a child, I spake as a child but when I became an adult? Nowadays it's hard to grow up.

The King James version of the Holy Bible, 1 Corinthians 13:11 states: "When I was a child,  I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child but when I became a man I put away childish things..." In Christian tradition, there should be a line of separation between childhood behavior and adult behavior. But today, such is often not the case. Children don't have the same opportunities to grow up, sometimes because they can't find meaningful ways to interact with others and sometimes because their parents don't allow them to experience the raw challenges of life.

Put simply, growing up is hard to do in today's society. Some of us never grow up because we have not had reason to or we don't have equal opportunities to do so. Our parents shelter us, eliminate the need for us to be self-reliant, and protect us from everything with rants and raves against most anything. 

Back in the day, self-reliance was expected. At 13, you found a summer job and contributed to paying household expenses. At 18 you found a higher-paying job and moved out of your parents' house. Of course you had options: go to college and find grants, loans or scholarships to pay for it; join a branch of the military and learn a skill or choose military service as a career; find a job, get married and raise a family. 

In the process of living and working towards a future, you learned about yourself and about working and relating to others. You had no access to the internet, so everything you learned was from reading or from interacting with family, clergymen, mentors and peers. You read the Bible or you read writers like Kahlil Gibran (Lebanese-American poet and author, famous for his book The Prophet which is highly recognized for its insights and wisdom.) 

Nobody said it is easy to grow up, take responsibility and become self-reliant, but where there's a will there is a way. Childhood and adulthood are not the same and the sooner we understand this, the better for our society. We need to step up, wo/man up and put away childish things. We need to accept our role in building a better society. If not you and me, then who shall it be?

Kahlil Gibran was born in 1883 in Lebanon and died in New York in 1931. His family emigrated to the United States in 1895. In his early teens, the artistry of Gibran's drawings caught the eye of his teachers and he was introduced to the avant-garde Boston artist, photographer, and publisher Fred Holland Day, who encouraged and supported Gibran in his creative endeavors. A publisher used some of Gibran's drawings for book covers in 1898, and Gibran held his first art exhibition in 1904 in Boston. In 1908, Gibran went to study art with Auguste Rodin in Paris for two years. He later studied art in Boston. While most of Gibran's early writing was in Arabic, most of his work published after 1918 was in English. Gibran's best-known work is The Prophet, a book composed of 26 poetic essays. Resource: (www.sahajaculture.org)

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: Important steps to remember

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!  You know you saw it, that passive-aggressive gesture made by an aggressor to someone less powerful--the almost "flinching" response that indicates intimidation or fear. You saw it, but quickly turned away. You knew what would be coming--an act of brutality once in the confines of a bedroom or living room after the world was fast asleep. We all know it happens in modern society but choose to see nothing, say nothing and do nothing. It's not our business to interfere--or is it?

It's a quiet, subtle offense that mostly goes unpunished because of fear. No one can protect  a victim after the patrol cars roll away, when family is fast asleep, when eye-witnesses have gone back to their homes to do what they usually do--forget about the outside world. People know when something is wrong but they don't want to become the victims themselves because they upset your harasser or perpetrator. They want to feel safe; it's not personal. Feeling safe is a human need (not a human want). After food, shelter, water, warmth and bare necessities, people need to feel safe. Interfering in a domestic violence situation doesn't make people feel safe. So even if you saw them watching, don't expect people to interfere and save you. Who's going to save them when the perpetrator seeks revenge? 

To increase your safety, learn the signs of frustration in your perpetrator or abuser and prepare for the worst. You might call a helpline like 1-800...No, forget about emergency help. When you need emergency help, call 911, call a friend, call a clergyman, or call a resource that you have researched and are familiar with. Before writing this, I did a practice run. I called several resources on a Sunday morning, the time when many domestic violence incidents occur, but found no one who could offer help. There was either no answer on the phones, nobody willing to give information except to the person in the active crisis situation or I was transferred to answering services. So my point in sharing this information is this:

Do your research in advance. If you know you might be in danger, know who you will call in case of emergency (I.C.E.). Don't talk to social agency representatives when you're in a stressful crisis situation. Your family might accidentally get registered in some data bank that you never  heard of. When in doubt, don't take chances. Be prepared.

Prepare yourself before you need to call 911. Have emergency instructions indicating what steps to take and who you will entrust to take care of the house, the pets, and your children, in case you are somehow detained. If you press charges, the end of the relationship (and the end of violence) is near, but it will take courage to follow-through until the perpetrator is behind bars or out of your life. 

Be prepared to move. You will probably need to move to a safe area of town or to a new city altogether where you can't be easily found once the perpetrator is released on bail. If you must appear in court after you press charges, bring someone with you, and stay motivated to take the issue all the way using a court-appointed lawyer and your network of support.

Domestic violence is a private-public affair. People observe each other and know when something is wrong, but they don't want to get involved. So take care of yourself during the good times, but prepare for the bad. Identify resources in advance. Depend on a small circle of friends and reliable services that you researched in advance. Most important, depend on your higher power to give you courage to change the things you can.

Depending on the situation, parents should work with children from one of three perspectives.

Raising a child in today's society is not easy. Children and parents are challenged by technology, schedules, tests and assessments, peer pressure in schools and stress in the workplace. With so much going on in life, it's hard to manage family affairs and be the ideal parent. Many parents see their children as burdens or enemies, rather than as treasures--precious and unique. Raising a child takes commitment and work, but the work doesn't need to be hard.

I heard a sermon today, explaining the best way to parent a child. It started with an opinion that today's parents prefer "minimal interference" due to reverence for the child's inborn personality. This opinion is not new. It was voiced generations ago by those who felt children should be allowed to grow naturally with few  societal demands. Such ideas were influenced by education philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778) who insisted that exposure to society negatively impacts child development. His novel Emile focuses on the positive effects of free expression in the natural environment. 

According to the Priest, Rousseau's perspective is being reintroduced.The sermon went on to explain the right way for parents to deal with their children. Children need guidance, but they need the right kind of guidance because this determines their success in life. According to the Priest, when it comes to raising children, "Work not with your hand, but with
 your heart." Depending on the situation, parents should work with children from one of three perspectives: 

1. Sovereign - Protect the child.

2. Teacher - Teach the child correct principles and behavior.

3. Parent - Offer compassion and empathy to the child.

Children model adult behavior and they follow actions rather than words. To make appropriate choices in parenting, especially when feeling over-whelmed, limit your choices and adjust your attitude based on which perspective is best--sovereign, teacher or parent. If you realize these are the only options, raising a child might not be as difficult as it seems.