Express yourself; it's a necessity, not an option.

 

Express yourself; it’s a necessity, not an option.

We are emotional beings, so we need to release emotional energy. Self-expression is one way emotional energy can be released. This allows us to acknowledge and clarify our emotions and feelings. When we release emotional energy through self-expression, we create space for problem-solving, compassion, and love.

Self-expression can be achieved in many ways:

1. Talking and sharing

2. Writing and reflecting

3. Singing and songwriting

4. Listening and moving to music

5. Cooking and entertaining

6. Drawing and painting

7. Driving and admiring Nature

8. Dancing and exercising

9. Walking and meditating

10. Playing a musical instrument.

With so many ways to release emotional energy, expressing emotions in positive ways should be easy. But for many, this is more easily said than done. Not all forms of self-expression have positive effects. Due to inability to express emotions in positive ways, many people behave in highly inappropriate ways or they become emotionally “stuck” in a negative state of mind.

Expressing emotions helps to prioritize and organize thoughts. Too many conflicting emotions can be overwhelming because there is no emotional energy for solving problems or understanding feelings and emotions. Without the ability to process emotions, the emotional system gets overloaded and easily overwhelmed. 

Removing unprocessed thoughts and feelings clears the way for a higher order of thinking. Choose one of the methods of self-expression listed above and see what works best for clearing your mind and expressing your emotions. You will notice a difference in the way you feel and in your overall sense of well-being.

Expressing emotions is a necessity, not an option. It is a higher human need which allows us to relate to others in positive ways and to build positive relationships. For overall well-being, include self-expression as part of your daily routine. 

 What matters most is being part of a group that values and validates us.

        Humans are motivated by wants and needs. While our wants are negotiable, our needs are non-negotiable. We can postpone or eliminate things that we want, but our needs must be fulfilled and for the most part, they must be fulfilled in a predetermined order. Psychologist Abraham Maslow created a list of human needs or a Hierarchy of Needs. The list organizes our human needs in order of priority, beginning with our basic needs and ending with our highest need, a need for self actualization. Knowingly or unknowingly, we all strive toward self-actualization. If we fulfill lower needs and choose the right people to support us, we can achieve self-actualization, which allows us to achieve our highest purpose.

        Self-actualization is non-negotiable; it is an emotional need. It inspires us to do our greatest good and to achieve our very best. In order to fulfill this need, we must first fulfill all lower needs. As lower needs are met, higher needs appear. For example, if the lower need of validation is not fulfilled, our need for "self-actualization" will never appear. If the need for “self-actualization” never appears, our highest purpose in life can not be achieved.

        The general order in which our needs appear:

• Basic needs: food, water, air, warmth and survival

• Safety needs: security and protection

• Psychological needs: love, relationships and belonging

• Emotional needs: self-esteem and validation

• Spiritual needs: self-actualization and achieving our greatest good.

        Validation by others is the higher need that must be fulfilled before the need for self-actualization appears. Meeting this need depends on positive feelings about ourselves and others. It's the key to healthy self-esteem and positive social relationships. Validation involves interacting with others and being appreciated by them. It requires connecting with people who value us. Positive relationships are important to our emotional and spiritual well-being. They build trust and self-esteem. Validation closes the gap between meeting lower needs and fulfilling our very highest need for self-actualization.

        It's important to choose our relationships carefully and build relationships with people who appreciate and validate us. We build self-esteem when we are around people who offer positive reinforcement and who value us. This enables us to become self-actualized and allows us to achieve our greatest good in life. It's not enough to be part of a group. What matters most is being part of a group that values and validates us.

Drop a pebble in the water and see what happens...

It is much easier to hold back unkind words than it is to reel them back in once they are out. The following poem speaks for itself regarding the consequences of kind or unkind words and deeds. Drop a pebble in the water and see what happens...

Drop a Pebble in the Water

by James William Foley

Drop a pebble in the water — jes' a splash an' it is gone,
But th's half a hundred ripples circlin' on, an' on, an' on,
Spreadin', spreadin' from the center, flowin' on out to the sea,
An' th' ain't no way o' tellin' where th' end is goin' to be.
Drop a pebble in the water — in a minute ye forget,
But th's little waves a-flowin' an' th's ripples circlin' yet;
All th' ripples flowin', flowin', to a mighty wave hev grown,
An' ye've disturbed a mighty river — jes' by droppin' in a stone.
Drop an unkind word or careless — in a minute it is gone,
But th's half a hundred ripples circlin' on, an' on, an' on.
Th' keep spreadin', spreadin', spreadin' from th' center as th' go,
An' th' ain't no way to stop 'em, once ye've started 'em to flow.
Drop an unkind word or careless — in a minute ye forget,
But th's little waves a-flowin' an' th's ripples circlin' yet;
An' perhaps in some sad heart a mighty wave of tears ye've stirred,
An' disturbed a life 'et's happy when ye dropped an unkind word.

Drop a word o' cheer an' kindness — jes' a flash an' it is gone,
But th's half a hundred ripples circlin' on, an' on, an' on,
Bearin' hope an' joy an' comfort on each splashin', dashin' wave,
Till ye wouldn't b'lieve the volume o' th' one kind word ye gave.
Drop a word o' cheer an' kindness — in a minute ye forget,
But th's gladness still a-swellin' an' th's joy a-circlin' yet;
An' ye've rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard
Over miles an' miles o' water — jes' by droppin' a kind word.

Becoming angry is something that can be changed.

 

Losing ones temper is only a cover-up. Because we don't like to feel vulnerable, we default to what seems a more aggressive emotional response. Are you hiding your true emotions behind anger? 

Do you ever wonder why you get so mad at certain times, around certain people, or in certain situations? If you want to know what you're hiding when you become angry, stop yourself as soon as you start to feel flushed and flustered, before you've had time to strike back. Check your emotions and see what shows up—fear, sadness, invalidation? It's good if you can notice the feeling but it's much better if you can also name and target the exact emotion that you feel.

When I was in elementary school, I fought a lot because I was bullied. I felt sadness, but my outward response was anger. Sadness was a sign of weakness, so I felt embarrassed to admit this underlying emotion. It was only after high school that I learned to hide the anger, at least for a week or two. I learned to search for the emotion that fueled my anger. It took years for me to stop responding to insults and injury with anger but finally I grasped the concept.

It's not the outward feelings that we need to control. The control must start with the inward emotions, those we hide beneath the surface so no one is the wiser about our vulnerabilities. Feelings must be attached to specific emotions before they can be targeted and conquered. 

The following excerpt retrieved from www.creducation.org explains how we hide our underlying feelings with anger:

        Anger is often called a secondary emotion because we tend to resort to anger         in order to protect ourselves from or cover up other vulnerable feelings. A                 primary feeling shows up immediately before feelings of anger. We almost             always feel something else first, before we get angry.

We might first feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, pressured or violated. If any of these feelings are intense enough, we think of the emotion as anger. But even anger is not the emotion. It's more like an emotional response to negative attacks.

Although hidden, underlying emotions are stronger than what can be observed on the surface. When we go deeper into the emotion underlying the outward expression of anger, we can locate and control emotional responses that show up as anger or as some other inappropriate response.

When a feeling of anger begins to sweep over you, just inhale, exhale, and give yourself a moment to search for the underlying emotion. Replay the scenario so as to locate the exact incident or emotion that caused a negative response. Feelings and reactions are a direct response to an emotion, and emotions never lie.

Negative feelings hide our true emotions but if an emotion is named and identified, we can question its legitimacy or right to exist and change how we respond to others and to ourselves. Becoming angry is something that can be changed. In fact, our responses to negativity can be changed by targeting the emotion rather than the feeling.